Triggering (SI) - does anything work when you're like this? - Page 2

venusbabe · 16-03-2010, 03:55 PM

I feel I'm jumping into a thread where everyone seems to know each other and I don't want to intrude. I'm in my forties and worry about hiding new cuts and I worry about people seeing scars but nobody ever comments on them even when I think they are so obvious. Distraction techniques are fine but does anybody else have the problem of distracting all day but still harming anyway at night because once the thought is there it won't go away until you act on it? I always damage more when I've spent all day triggered, which is more often than not and is pretty bad at the moment.

jonikd · 16-03-2010, 07:39 PM

Hi venusbabe, not at all, I've only recently joined ryl and still finding my feet.

Yup, I get the same as you in that often when I think about SH all day I generally end up making time to do it no matter how busy I make myself. Ryl has stopped me a few times recently, when I spend 2 hrs online giving advice and support to someone else by the time I've finished I'm tired and would feel like a bit of a hypocrite if I went ahead and cut.

I'm going to my new counsellor this arvo,will let you know any tips I get :D

Think even knowing we're not alone with this helps, I'm always around so yell if you want to chat.

Hugs to all
Joanie
xx

venusbabe · 17-03-2010, 05:51 PM

Joanie, good luck with the new counsellor. I would love to say something really supportive but words fail me but I am thinking of you and sending hugs because you are the sweetest person. xx

jonikd · 18-03-2010, 10:43 AM

awww thanks *feels better than she has today* No real tips for us all, we just had a bit of a meet and greet and she didn't push me too hard. Reckons in two years we'll have me sorted!!....that and a small personal loan from my side probably. She's very expensive, but think I'll give it a go, better than losing my job because of my SH. I guess I thought it would not be that major given I was 15 years SH free, I had hoped this was a bit of a blip, but guess there's still a lot roaming around deep down.

Ironically she can't see me until mid April as she's so busy and with Easter in there too, as a BPD sufferer that's just typical, but I can see the funny side of it to a point.

How are you doing venusbabe?

venusbabe · 18-03-2010, 06:03 PM

It's sweet of you to ask when you have so much going on in your life to cope with. Maybe you went back to SI because of all that's happening for you right now? Maybe for 15 years life was calm enough to cope with but now it's erupted and SI is your way through it.
I've damaged a lot today. Nothing drastic but I've done it on two occasions already, once this morning and once this aft and that hasn't happened for a long time. I feel like I can't do it enough today and I'm just waiting for evening to come round so I can do it again. Being OCD if I cut on more than one occasion then I have to do it three times. It's also raining which it hasn't done for weeks and the darkness of the rain is getting to me.
I hope your friend is doing ok and I'm sure you'll do brilliantly with the presentation.
H xx

Sigma · 23-03-2010, 09:52 AM

Hi Joanie
How was the presentation? I'm glad you've found someone with experience of working with people who SH, 2 years will fly by :)

I know what you mean about expensive - luckily work is paying for mine, I couldn't afford it otherwise...

take care
xxx

jonikd · 23-03-2010, 09:59 AM

Hey gals, it actually went really well thanks. I struggled when I was on my own the week away, particularly leading up to it, but kicked arse on the day and kept off the booze to give myself the best chance.

Tough week surrounded by people with my "totally in control" face on, home now so can let my guard down a bit.

Sorry to hear you'd hurt yourself venusbabe, stay safe and I hope things are a bit better for you now.

Hugs to you both
JK
x

jonikd · 24-03-2010, 10:12 AM

Crap, might have let my guard down too far and I hurt myself tonight worse than normal this latest relapse. I thought I was in control of my SH, but right now I'm not so sure.

Kind of don't have any support at the moment, as going through a counsellor change but the new one can't see me until after Easter and the old one hasn't even checked to see if I'm still alive.

Hoping tomorrow is a bit better :(

venusbabe · 24-03-2010, 07:39 PM

I totally understand about letting your guard down too much and then having to hurt yourself a lot. I do that fairly often and always beat myself up for it. I expect the old counsellor not checking on you is hurtful to you too. If you damaged more than usual then it's just a blip; that's what I tell myself when I cut more than usual. After a few days I usually find my emotions have calmed and I either don't cut for a couple of days or cut less. You will be back in control again soon sweetie so don't be too hard on yourself.
I am thinking of you. xx

Sigma · 25-03-2010, 08:38 AM

Perhaps it's just a reaction after a pressurised week - don't be hard on yourself, it happens. Well done for a great presentation! And for holding it together all week :)

jonikd · 25-03-2010, 08:50 AM

Thanks Tok, just gave myself a real fright, now feeling sore and a bit sorry for myself :( But bouncing back :)

How you going with your friend there?
xx

Sigma · 31-03-2010, 09:31 AM

Having a great time! I'll be very sorry when she leaves, also my closest friends here are away for a long weekend, so a bit worried about how I'll cope when she goes on Saturday...

xxx