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Old 27-03-2010, 11:48 PM   #1
Miss Grace
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Triggering (SI) - It's NOT FUNNY, Sis

Ok, so I'm having a bad day today. Woke up at 1030. Stayed up for about an hour, then went back to bed and slept til 430pm. When asked what I wanted for dinner, I said nothing, cuz I'm really not hungry (been snacking on junk food.) So my bro-in-law jokes that candy is a GREAT dinner. (That I can handle)...but, Sis, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS jokes "it's all right...I'm gonna do a full body search later." Obviously referring to self-harm. How DARE she say that in front of them?!? A full f*cking body search??? Up yours, Sister. Maybe joking about it is the only way she can deal with it, but it SURE doesn't help. Bitch.



Mental illness is no different than any other disease. Just as the diabetic did not ask for diabetes, or the leukemic did not ask for cancer; we did not ask for this disease. But we must fight it just as we would fight any other medical diagnosis and accept that it is not our fault that we fell ill. We, too, can survive.



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Old 27-03-2010, 11:50 PM   #2
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Don't really have much to say but that's unfair and not right to say in front of children.

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Old 28-03-2010, 12:36 AM   #3
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AND THEN!!! OMG...brother-in-law asks, "so what's going on? Why are you depressed?" And I said "I dunno...I just get like this sometimes." And Sis's response was "well I can't wait till you're Manic again...the house was so clean!!"

SERIOUSLY?!?!?! F*ck you!



Mental illness is no different than any other disease. Just as the diabetic did not ask for diabetes, or the leukemic did not ask for cancer; we did not ask for this disease. But we must fight it just as we would fight any other medical diagnosis and accept that it is not our fault that we fell ill. We, too, can survive.



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Old 28-03-2010, 01:20 AM   #4
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That's terrible! I'm so sorry.

This maybe hard, but could you tell her how what she said made you feel? Maybe she'd stop if she new?

I don't know if I'm much help.



"You've used and abused me, but you will NOT destroy me!" Alice Liddell. Alice: Madness Returns


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Old 28-03-2010, 01:59 AM   #5
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hmm..a body search?? that's really bad if she have to check on your cuts which is very terrible..I just suggest that you could have a chat with your sis about it and just being honest to her about how you are feeling at this moments..

Also, you could tell her about her kids in front of you and shouldn't do that but you could tell her that in a private place for a "talk"..I would have them to talk in private place that I needed to talk to.

Just let me know how it going for you..take care and stay safe





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Old 28-03-2010, 04:21 PM   #6
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I know I need to talk to her...but she's just gonna be her same "non-feeling" self. I swear, she just doesn't let herself feel or empathize with any emotions at all. Maybe she's scared of opening the floodgates for fear of what kind of emotions she has bottled up will all come spilling up. I think her crack at "humor", however belittling, is her only way to cope. It sucks.



Mental illness is no different than any other disease. Just as the diabetic did not ask for diabetes, or the leukemic did not ask for cancer; we did not ask for this disease. But we must fight it just as we would fight any other medical diagnosis and accept that it is not our fault that we fell ill. We, too, can survive.



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Old 28-03-2010, 04:45 PM   #7
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She sounds like the kind of person who doesn't like to deal with emotions, and like you said, perhaps humor is just her way of dealing with what is going on.

I doubt the children will have known what she meant, but it was wrong for her to say it.
I think it is best you talk to her, just say you don't appreciate the way she is handling it, because it is making you feel bad. Maybe even give her some info on self harm and depression to help her understand it better.

I'm sorry she is treating you like this, it must feel awful, also your brother-in-law doesn't seem to have a caring attitude either, I think he needs to mind his own business in my opinion.
Try not to let them get to you and take good care of yourself.




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Old 29-03-2010, 02:55 AM   #8
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Well, I confronted her...said we need to talk. Told her everything. That she was out of line saying what she did in front of the kids yesterday; that they did NOT need to start questioning things that she says like that. I told her that I was scared to talk to her because when I used to talk to my ex-husband about this stuff, he would always get mad and yell. I told her that I was afraid to tell her if I needed to go to the hospital. She raised her voice a little at first, but then calmed down and we were just able to talk. I told her about the blades in my car...my bro-in-law went and got them for me and got rid of them. So that's a good thing. She reassured me that I was not a burden and that, actually, we each took care of eachother and had been since we were little. She said that she was grateful that I was here so her kids would experience love rather than the neglect that we did. She said that she was glad she didn't get depression and bipolar like me, and that she was sorry for me, and sorry that I'd probably be on meds for the rest of my life. And she was very genuine. She did get angry when she found out that I hadn't told my psychiatrist about my last SI incident, because - and she's right - I need to be 100% honest with him since he's the one who needs to adjust my meds. So I'm going to call him tomorrow and see if I can get another appointment. And I really feel like, if I woke up tomorrow and needed to go to the hospital, she'd take me, and she'd be ok with that if that's what I needed.

I feel emotionally exhausted now (from bawling and exposing myself), but I feel relieved that I told her, and that my bro-in-law took my blades from me.

So for all of you out there struggling with finding someone to talk to...maybe this will show you that sometimes, people surprise you.



Mental illness is no different than any other disease. Just as the diabetic did not ask for diabetes, or the leukemic did not ask for cancer; we did not ask for this disease. But we must fight it just as we would fight any other medical diagnosis and accept that it is not our fault that we fell ill. We, too, can survive.



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Old 29-03-2010, 03:54 AM   #9
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I'm glad you worked it out and managed to talk to her
:)
Hope it goes ok with the psychiatrist
:)
My PM box is always open if you wanna talk



I May Be Going Broke But I'm Never Broken Down

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Old 29-03-2010, 04:21 PM   #10
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I'm glad that your sister and you worked out perfectly!

I think this is a good idea to express your feelings to your sister and she will be able to help you and take care of you. I'm really glad that she listens to you very well:)..

Good luck at the appointment and it will be okay so it will be all done!

Take care & *hugs*





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Old 29-03-2010, 04:57 PM   #11
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Aww I'm glad your sister listened to you and that things seem to be better between you two. *hugs*

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Old 29-03-2010, 06:35 PM   #12
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(((hugs))) i'm so glad you talked with her!! your update made me smile and cry....it must have been really hard. :)



i lie here lifeless
in this cocoon
shedding my skin cause
i'm ready to
i wanna break out
i found a way out
i don't believe that it's gotta be this way
the worst is the waiting
in this womb i'm suffocating


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