Triggering (SI) - What's so bad about it anyways? Why should I quit?
Some of my friends recently told our lovely SAFE coordinator at school about my cutting. I know all the right lies to say. I had her totally convinced that I am literally 6 months away from recovery. What bs. So she didn't want to, but was obliged by law to call my father and tell him I'm cutting. Now my dad wants to get me a therapist. I am gonna get out of that easy. This is a game. I can have that therapist believing I quit and outta htere in a matter of months. My friends already know I am planning on doing this and they are pissed.
Which brings me to my question: Why should I quit? I'm not cutting enough to be a health risk. I'm taking precautions against infection. It makes me feel better. This is nowhere near as scary as recovery. If I am just fine with my SI, why even bother? Why should anyone else worry about me? I'm fine.
I don't know how to tell my friends that they should just give up on my quitting. They won't accept it. What do I do? I mean, it;s not like they can even do anything else. They told the SAFE coordinator already and they AREN'T gonna waste a cop car to bring me to a hospital for injuries as minor as mine. My dad already knows, they don't exactly have many more options.
If I have all the bases covered, what is so bad about it?
Sorry for the long, rambling post.
Let's make a thousand mistakes. We'll never learn..
Meine Haut ist mir zu eng, ich kann nicht atmen.
Meine Venen liegen offen. Langsam wird mir klar
Die Hölle ist so nah...
*hug* You sound tense, hun. You also sound like you don't believe yourself. Why are you a member, posting, etc., if you don't have a drop of interest in recovery or seeking help or better situation.
I have lots to say, but don't want to be rude or mean...
I'll give you the only reason that ever makes sense to me: cutting is not a healthy way for emotional regulation/coping. (One day, you may wish you had a healthy way, or had found it sooner. You may regret the scars, but really, I always find that hard to care about now.) You deserve a healthy solution to life's complicated bag of unfair and ugly.
I think I understand what you're saying, I could be wrong though.
For me, I don't have a problem with my SI. If I need it I will do it. Basically, I don't plan on stopping hurting myself unless I stop feeling the way I feel. Is it kind of the same for you?
The thing is, it would be better not to NEED it. Not to feel the way you do at the moment. Therapy might be able to help with that. And there certainly isn't anything to lose by trying.
"Watch me fault her "you're living like a disaster". She said "kill me faster", with strawberry gashes all over"
OK-i admit sometimes I think that too. but then I realize im 22 and im doing stuff to hurt myself! I shouldbe able to deal with my feelings and problems in a constructive way! i need good coping mechanisms. When i cut once it just makes me want to cut more and more and makes me feel worse. it doeshelp for a little bit but then i feel awfull, and it just istworth it. sometimes i do get in to the midnset that its stupid to quit if it makes me feel better, but when in a more reasonable mind I realize that life would be a lot better if I could just avoid the innerstruggles and conflift that comes with cutting and learn to deal in a healthy way.
if no other reason, cutting is addictive, and it gets worse-you say you aren't hurting yourself "to the point of a health risk, but there could come a point when you go too far and regret it. and do you really wanting to be cutting your entire life? with a job? a family? its such a tiring secret to keep, and I dont knowabout you but I rather work on recovering so I can enjoy lifejust a little more.
Its really hard though I know. Im having a hard time giving it up...
But then I realize im 22 and im doing stuff to hurt myself! I shouldbe able to deal with my feelings and problems in a constructive way! i need good coping mechanisms. When i cut once it just makes me want to cut more and more....
......Im having a hard time giving it up...
Which brings me to my question: Why should I quit? I'm not cutting enough to be a health risk. I'm taking precautions against infection. It makes me feel better. This is nowhere near as scary as recovery. If I am just fine with my SI, why even bother? Why should anyone else worry about me? I'm fine.
Ok, so i get both of these posts and i have toadmit that even though im supposed to be recovering that im still in the same place and you. (NevadaTanIsLove).... sorry i know this isnt any helpat all but what i guess im doing is letting you know that others feel this way as well.
The BRAVEST thing
I ever did was CONTINUING MY LIFE when I wanted to die.
But you are obviously not fine if you are self harming. There must be an underlying cause that you need and deserve to get help with.
I feel the same way as you exactly, my SH is not dangerous and it makes me feel better, I really dont have a strong motivation to stop. but i know i should get help because its not a healthy coping technique, especially since over time it tends to get deeper.
Emotionally, i feel bad about it, i have to hide it, i worry everyday about friends or parents finding out which adds extra strain to how i am already feeling. You may end up realising one day that you wish you knew how to cope without hurting yourself.
But although you dont see a need to stop, you do need help with your problems, because people who self harm dont tend to be happy people, and you want to be happy, getting help for your SH means you can get help with your other problems.
I really hope you go to therapy xxx
(I understand this is long, but my heart really goes out to you so please do read it all).
Why is self harm bad?
Self harm is a maladaptive way of coping. Meaning it is inadequate and counter-productive. I noticed that you said that self harm makes you "feel good". But if it really made you feel good - if it was really effective, then you wouldn't need to self harm cause you'd be happy. In short, self harm solves nothing. You can self harm because you are angry and it can relieve the tension and for that moment you may think that it's working - but you'll feel that anger again and you won't deal with the initial situation.
Self harm doesn't remove the painful things you are dealing with in your life, so you'll end up falling back and back into hurting yourself and feeling **** because the reasons you're harming are not going away - even if the feelings are (temporarily).
Your self harm might not be dangerous now. But I can almost guarantee you that you'll build a tolerance to your cutting and eventually you'll have to cut more to feel the same release. And I have to say also that there's no such thing as "safe" cutting. I thought there was once and I tried to give myself a small, inconspicuous cut and it turned out to be my biggest and I'll have the scar for life. You just don't know what is going to happen when you cut.
I noticed that you said your friends won't accept this decision of yours to keep self harming. I wondered how it would feel if someone you loved, like your Dad, came home from a hard day of work and went straight to his room to cut himself to cope. How would it make you feel? Likewise, if you have children one day and they had a hard day of school, would you suggest they self harm to make themselves feel better? Does it sound acceptable to you in these cases?
I am actually so desperate to get this reply right because I know where you are now, and I know what you're feeling... but if you could know what I am feeling where I am now not self harming anymore, it's amazing. You deserve this.
But I can't help but think perhaps you have a damaged self esteem if you are able to accept that self harm is okay on you. As I asked above is it okay for others that you love to do? Or is it just you? I really think you are worth so much more than this, I really do, and I'm SO GLAD you've got friends around you and a father willing to get you support. Maybe you should see the therapist that he is suggesting and discuss this issue with him?
You deserve to have some sense of stability in life, a chance at happiness and a chance at being able to deal with your life in a manner that will help you move forward, accomplish your goals.
But the biggest thing I have noticed is that you said recovery was scary. What is it about recovery that scares you?
Which brings me to my question: Why should I quit? I'm not cutting enough to be a health risk. I'm taking precautions against infection. It makes me feel better.
If I have all the bases covered, what is so bad about it?
When you said about taking precautions against infection etc, its good that you are doing that but self harm really is not a good way to cope at all like everyone else has said, do you want to be going out on a first date or going to a house party and you cant wear that top you really like and want to wear because of your scars? I started harminng a while back and in all honestly if i knew how bad things would get from me self harming; A&E etc or how much i have hurt myself and my family i would have stopped before it took over. Now am restricted with what i can wear, i cant do the things i used to love to do and when i go out with lads or to met up with a lad/ date etc i get quite worried incase they see my scars and ask. Thats just from me hun.
Please self harming is not good and self harming does not take away the problem it just delays it.
Mm... I self-harm, and I understand what you mean by it being a release of sorts. But that's it. It's also only a temporary release. After about ten, maybe fifteen minutes you'll feel like you was before you cut. Maybe even worse. Now, I understand you don't want to stop at this point in time, because you like it. You could even go so far as to call it an addiction.
Before I compose the gigantum list, I have one question; where do you self harm?
I know that sounds dodgy, but, believe it or not, my list is dependant on location! Like, "You won't be able to do anything at school that needs your sleeves to be rolled up... Like art!" is useless if you don't do it on your arms. I just want you to be one hundred percent safe, and happy as I do everyone on here.
No, you're not safe... and definately not happy. You think you are, hell; I even did... or do. But that's not the reality of it.
recovery is scary! i'm really scared right now too, and falling back into all my destructive coping mechanisms. i worry that recovery means they will "take them away from me" and i won't know how to survive without them. maybe you're not quite ready yet...but seeing a therapist doesn't mean quitting straight away. you could learn some better ways of coping, talk some stuff out and have the support you deserve, and quit when you're stronger.
I've used that exact same argument several times. I've told that to people who care about me and want me to stop. I've told it to myself, justifying what I'm doing. And there is a certain amount of truth in it. Cutting is a coping strategy, and it can make you feel temporarily better when things are really bad.
But it will make things worse in the long run.
The shallow reason not to do it is scars. I'm flying to Houston, TX a week from Today. Houston is a large city in the Southern United States. I was so excited to go there because I hate winter, and because it will be significantly warmer there than where I live. The current weather forecasts predict it will be 70-80˚F (23-27˚C) while I'm there. That would be great. But I can't wear short sleeves. I tried to stay away from my arms too, but I slipped up a few weeks ago and broke my own rule.
Ballet used to be my passion, but currently I can't take a class without displaying obvious scars. There is no way I'm going to do that, so dance classes, which make me happy are out.
I think I look pretty good in a bikini. Every girl my age wears a bikini to the beach, to the pool, or just to sunbathe with friends. I would love do show off my figure in one of the millions of cute bathing suits I own. But you know what? I don't think I can wear a bikini without showing obvious scars for the rest of my teens at least. I have terrible scars all over my stomach, and they won't go away for years and years. By the time they've faded my bikini wearing years will be over.
You never know when scars or cuts will bother you. Last spring my crew team was told to try on our uniforms. We all went into the boat house to change. It should have been okay. Everyone else was comfortably changing in an out of the uniforms. But I hadn't expected it, and I had bright red cuts all over. I had to change in front of everyone. Those girls weren't my close friends, and none of them knew about it before. It was awful. Even if you think you don't mind your scars now there will probably be a point in your life where you do. What are you going to do when you are in a new relationship and you have to explain before you can take your clothes off?
Scars will hold you back when you're in a good mood. No matter how you feel that day you will always have scars to remind you of the bad times. Sometimes cuts have effected me in really unexpected ways. I had never felt bad about cutting before, but one time I woke up and saw cuts all over me. It made me feel terrible. I couldn't understand why someone hated me so much that they would hurt me so much. What had I done to deserve all that punishment?
I'm in an extreme situation, and something like what happened to me doesn't happen to most people who cut. But I'm going to tell you anyway. I was like you. I didn't cut enough to cause lasting harm. I took precautions against infection. I didn't see a problem with it. Well one of the counsellors at my school did. She took it as evidence that I wasn't safe to be at a boarding school. Self injury, combined with a few other things led to me being kicked out of my school. I lost everything with that. I was at top student at one of the best high schools in the country. But I've been rejected by every school I've applied to this year. Mediocre local day schools won't take me because I was kicked out of school before. And I can promise you that if I hadn't cut back then I would still be at my old school.
And while I don't think anyone who self harms should feel guilty, it does have an effect on people around you. It used to upset my friends terribly when they saw I'd cut. One time my best friend started crying when she saw me changing. I hate that I made her feel bad. My boyfriend is more understanding about it, but I know he doesn't like it. It makes him worry about me, that I'll accidentally cut to deep one day.
Despite all this my advice isn't to stop cutting right away. What I think you should do right away is try to fix the problem that's causing you to cut. Because if you are successful at that you will feel happier every day, and there is nothing more important than that. I shared a bunch of my personal stories and feelings about cutting to demonstrate the negative aspects of cutting, since that's what you asked for. But in reality what you really need to work on is what lies under the cutting.
...Oh Becky. Nothing I say will help, will it? But I wish it could. Cutting isn't as horrible as some other ways, but it's still detrimental and ANYTIME get near a knife, sometimes the urge to cut could become something worse. Well, listen to everyone else I suppose, they said everything else for me!
I know all the right lies to say. I had her totally convinced that I am literally 6 months away from recovery. What bs. So she didn't want to, but was obliged by law to call my father and tell him I'm cutting. Now my dad wants to get me a therapist. I am gonna get out of that easy. This is a game. I can have that therapist believing I quit and outta htere in a matter of months. My friends already know I am planning on doing this and they are pissed.
