Triggering (Suicide) - im sorry for taking several posts :( *SI,SUICIDE*
i just dont know what to do any more....im good at hiding feelings from friends and everyone i dont want to know about...but right now i cant.
otherwise id be telling you all that things are just the way they always were....i want to die.
my mind is ticking over on all the ways to do so and its very good at doing things like this. im also so desperate to cut but the knives are not available... which i guess is a good thing right now because that would only help me think clearer i want to die and i deserve to be in imence pain and i dont have any other option other than not doing so...
but this to me isnt an option. you will ask why im guessing and all i have to say is because. i almost want to be given a different solution mainly because in scared.. i know im a coward but to me this is the minimalistic way of hurting people...all i do in life is take take take take i have given nothing to the world and i doubt i ever will i am a drain on human and natural resources im sorry for wasting your time with the rambling i cant get the words into decent sentences i just dont know what to do or how to do it.
i want to commit my self but they wont let me. i am a massive risk to myself and i just want to take me out of the equation. sorry for the massive block of nonesence but i can find no other way of putting it bar the version that is longer that is.... i just want to know what to do.
i am lost
if u need some 1 to rant at or just some 1 to talk then PM me im a nice guy really just a bit bloody and broken.
I'm sorry I don't have any kind of advice. I just identified so much with what you said that I couldn't not at least reach out and say something. If it would help to have a shoulder, I'm here, and will be online for at least a couple of hours yet.
:( ohh, I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad.
I hope you are ok??? It was quite a while ago that you posted and I've only just seen it.
Please don't give up. I know exactly how you feel, a few nights ago I was in exactly the same situation, all I could think of was ways to kill myself and wanting to cut myself and it just keept going round and round in my head, I even wrote a suicide note. But it's not the answer, and things do get better. Usually these thoughts don't last that long, well for me I feel different now and don't want to die, it's normally when you are feeling your worse and in a very black mood.....but a few days later you could feel completly different.....it's not worth it or feelings that will change or something you will regret thinking later.
How many people feel really bad and regret cutting themselves after? And think that it was pointless or that they did it over nothing. With suicide there is no way back afterwards and not one to regret it.
I'm sorry I'm not very good at helpingbor having the right things to say..... I'm just trying to explain that it's not worth it and that it won't always be like this.
There are alot if people on here that care about you, and I'm sue you have alot of family and friends that care too, all of us would be very upset and hurt if you wasn't here, I know it sometimes feels like no one cares but they do, and it may feel like dying will only cause a small amount of pain that will be better than if you was here, well it wouldn't, and the pain for others would be worse than any pain from seeing you upset or from you SH.
Lots if people care about you, none of us would want to see you die.
I'm sure that you have also had an impact on the world and aren't just a waste of space, everyone is important and everyone deserves to be here. I'm sure if you think about it there must be some good things that you have done or something you have achieved?? I think you must have pit a smile on some peoples faces, and helped people on here, that's doing something good and is enough of a reason that you deserve to be here.
I hope that you are ok.
I think that you should try to get to the doctors, I know you have said nothing has been very helpful and that you can't be put on a high dosage if meds, but I'm sure they must be able to do something if you are feeling this bad, or fight to get help...fight to get through this.
There are other things you can turn to for help, call a crisis line or samaritines or something, or try to get a counsellor or pshyciatrist...anything that will help, even if it may take a while. I think that you can get emergency counselling or be given one fairly quickly if you are seriously depressed/suicidal etc.
Hey I know where you're coming from.
Please don't beat yourself up about not having the right word, that's okay. Maybe soon you'll be able to put things into words which you can't seem to explain right now? Maybe writing everydown might help clear your head a bit? or talking to someone? Is there anyone you can talk to? If not, prehaps you could ring a helpline like samaritans? even e-mail them if you wish. They can be a huge support at difficult times like this, if you would like their e-mail addres or anything, please feel free to PM me anytime. You can overcome this difficult time. Could you try and keep yourself busy to stop thinking about suicide? I know it's extremely difficult but try and relax. Hope you're alright and we're all here for you. Take care. <33
awful tbh was my birthday yesterday and i spent all day wanting it to be my last day. what made it worse was the fact i was with people all day so had to fake a smile and hide my pain
if u need some 1 to rant at or just some 1 to talk then PM me im a nice guy really just a bit bloody and broken.
Hey... I know things are bad now, but they do get better. It always gets better, you just gotta wait out the bad **** till you get to the good stuff, ya know? I know how you feel, though... It's so hard to make sure people think you're okay, when all you really want to do is just... Crawl into a dark corner and... Dissapear... But, eventually, that feeling will pass. It always does. Just... Hang on in there, okay? Keep going. For all of us on here, if nothing else :)
I'm here if you want to talk
Take care
Kirsty
xx
(P.s: I apologise for my spelling. Never was my strong point...)
ive had more than enough **** and i dont want anymore. and i would quite like to give up now. i continuously feel emotionaly blackmailed into sticking around and i just feel more and more trapped day by day. i just dont know anymore. im doing what is being expected...being alive. but im scewed if i ever decide to think for myself. its all too much.... i dont even know what im trying to say.
if u need some 1 to rant at or just some 1 to talk then PM me im a nice guy really just a bit bloody and broken.
As I've seen other people mention on here, suicide is a VERY permanant solution to a temporary problem. I know that sometimes it feels as though people are blackmailing you into sticking around, believe me, I've been there too. But... I've tried to kill myself 6 times now. And, at the moment, I'm glad that I've had someone to save me each of those times. Because things DO get better. It's like one of my (ex)friends has told me, many many times - for every good thing that happens, there's like a million bad things. But those good things make the bad things worth it. Eventually you'll find a good thing that makes all the fighting, all the blackmail so, so worth it.
I'm not telling you not to kill yourself. But I am asking you not to. Please?
xx
for every good thing that happens, there's like a million bad things. But those good things make the bad things worth it. Eventually you'll find a good thing that makes all the fighting
that was well said, and is so true. Something that can truly make you smile or something that give you happiness will melt all the clouds away and makes everything so much better. Thats what you have to keep fighting for, a better day, and a smile, and it will come eventually.
People arent trying to emotionally blackmail you, or im sorry if it comes across like that. But people are trying to help, and would be sad if you did end it all. I know they probably arent the things you want to hear while feeling like that... but if the words make any difference, after a while if you start to feel better you may be grateful for it.
At the end of the day it is yout decision to make, and you are the one that has to fight it and do it for you if you want to. Suicide is just such a final solution...at probably not the best way.
I hope that you can feel better soon, or that you do want to carry on, or the words that people say can help you slightly..... but i am sorry for anything that i have said wrong :( .....just want you to be ok
im sex starved and i brought it up with the missus and right now id quite like to cut so deep that it never stops. if my body isnt being used whats the point it keeping it blood/burn free? i feel so bad right now ive been with my girlfriend just under 6 years and i feel worthless i would really like to crawl into a hole and die. this is never gonna get better only worse and its been getting worse over the past few years and i have no cluw what to do
if u need some 1 to rant at or just some 1 to talk then PM me im a nice guy really just a bit bloody and broken.
Do you think you would be able to talk to her? To tell her how you're feeling? It might help. She might be able to help. Other than that I don't really know what to suggest... All I can say is it WILL get better. It'll take a lot of hard work, and maybe some time, but... It will get better. I know it's hard, but... You can do it :) Please don't give up yet.
xx
