Triggering (SI) - Maybe I do need help.

[Vanilla]

I'm sorry, I really should post more to help, it feels like I do nothing.
I'm sorry laclry, I should be on more to message you and support you.
I'm sorry love, but I guess today was a bad day.
I am urging. Bad. It's hardly ever like this.. my arms are shaking.
I haven't for at least four days now. I feel good about that, but this comes at a price, or an obvious, oh, yeah thats why. All of my sharps are gone. Good, seeing as I'm too lazy to walk the couple of blocks to replace them, and I'm just as broke, so no go. My scars are healing so nicely too..
All it takes is one cross word. One statement.
"Maybe you should just suck my c***."
So much for a possibly good idea, proceed class laughing at me. Not with me, at me. The rest of the day felt.. empty. My friend noticed something was up, which was good for then. I've been sick, so usually I can blame that. But she caught on, and dragged me off for a walk. I started crying...
my own brother, several of my 'close' friends are convinced I'm an attention whore, so I just stopped talking to people.
It feels much more out of control, but in control. I've kept from anything like that. I've been biting off the inside of my lip, but I've always done that. Best news of the day? Paycheck. Thats it. Next time I'm getting one?
I have no idea. This should probably be in the Rant/Vent section, but I needed a response, someone to tell me that I am fine, and loved.

If you're reading this, remember I love you, Maria.
To the rest of you, stay safe.

Remember that trust shouldn't be freely given, and if something feels wrong, its most definitely wrong. Life is much too short to think its okay to burn a bridge because of an opposing idea or opinion. This isn't about where I end, but the journey to wherever I land.
Keep strong, sometimes it's the hardest thing, but you'll have to.

[scarred_fairy]

well done on going four days hun you should be really proud! im sorry i dont have much else to say but well done and stay strong you are loved and u will be ok!
*hugs*
xx

[Too Shy]

Don't be sorry for not posting to help etc, focus on yourself.

Well done for going four days, that's really great. :) Try and keep fighting the urges, hurting yourself won't help in the long run.

It sounds like you could do with some support at the moment - have you got a counsellor or a doctor or anyone that you could speak to? Stay strong, keep fighting. xx

[Defender Of The Faith]

Four days is great :) You should be proud of yourself :) I'm proud of you :D
You're not an 'attention whore'. You're just not. Do you think that you could explain to your friends and to your brother the reasons behind the SI? Or tell them that they're not helping, or... Idk... But, you know, if your friends won't listen to you, and continue to be... Well, not helpful... Then you could do much, much better anyway.
I'm here if you need to talk, yeh?
Take care
xx

[Vanilla]

Thank you for the replies, it means a lot to me.
I talked to my English teacher previously. First thing he does? Here in the US by law he has to tell my parents the exact instant. So I don't really trust adults with my problems at school. I hardly trust my parents about it.
Its stupid in my eyes, you know? After awhile you eventually think, well maybe I am. I think its realizing that you have to hold firm to your beliefs even at the worst of times.

[RadioActiveCheezPuff]

Hun, you amaze me, you really do. You can always pick your self up. Remember the moments that you do get up when you're down. You are so amazing. I'm so proud of how long you've lasted with out. You can keep fighting it. I know you can. I know you want to, and so you can.

You are definitely not an attention whore. I should know. I've talked with you when you've had an urge. I've been there. I know you are not an attention whore.

*cuddles softly* and no matter what hun, I love you!

Stay Strong <3