Dear Daddy (Maybe Triggering I dunno)

[sherbet lemon]

Dear Daddy,

Tomorrow week will be your birthday, the second birthday without you, and the first birthday that i wont even be at home and im scared. It just happens to fall on a Wednesday the day that I am off and to be honest i just wanna do something or be somewhere were i can feel close to you again. Over here sort of has a connection but I dont really think that it is a good one, it is related to you being sick and being in hospital which aint good. You would be 48, you were too young to die daddy and you definitly didnt deserve it at all. Its just not fair, you should be here with us having a good life and selfish me wants you here to help. Things have got bad daddy so bad lately and i think that you would be ashames of me, ashamed that i am struggling with things so much and hurting myself and others. But I can't help but hate myself at times and wish i was with you and away from all these problems and this loneliness that i hold. I was talking to auntie tish earlier and she was telling me how she remembers before she went to have emma in hospital and she went and bought you some sweets and a card and brought you them she said that you were in the garden, I can just imagine you there daddy weeding the drive or doing some planting or the roses or something although you werent that fit to do it at times you always liked to keep a tidy garden!! I also remember 3 or 4 birthdays ago and me and you were messing about, you kept saying 'Catherine... Catherine... Don't forget now dont you forget its my birthday' like every 5 minutes lol and you were doing my head in but you kept me laughing and smiling the whole day Daddy I miss that. I miss you, I miss our wee snuggles we used to have in the morning and when I came home from school, I miss you bringing me to work it was something you always wanted to do, you always liked to do as you loved cars and anything to do with them. I miss your smiley face and the dimples that you had, your lovely red hair and your protective hands and arms which you would always hold wide open for me when I needed them.

I JUST MISS YOU!!

Love you Daddy,
Catherine

[makedamnsure]

*Hugs*

I sometimes let off a balloon on my mums birthday, with a msg on. Or go to a garden centre or park if he liked gardens to be close to him.

I hope you are able to remember the happy times on his birthday and not the illness and sadness. xx

[sherbet lemon]

thank you for your kind words

i just scared of being alone that day of not being able to get through without hurting myself, but i wanna do something something good for him. i remember that there is a park by the hospital that he was in i maybe thinking about going there i wanna feel close to him if that makes sense.

[makedamnsure]

yeah that sounds like a lovely idea. Don't be scared of being alone. He will be with you x

[one_step_closer]

Take care, we are all here to support you. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[sherbet lemon]

hey thanks for your replies and your support. i was speaking to a tutor about it being my dads birthday and stuff on wednesday and it turns out that now i'm going home. and im so happy and relieved about this to be honest as i dont think that i would be able to have managed on my own. so im glad that i will be able to be with my family. though i no that it will still be hard as it is only the second birthday without him and i really do miss him so unbelievably much.