“Never lose faith in yourself,
and never lose hope;
remember, even when this world throws its worst and then turns its back,
there is still always hope.”
“Never lose faith in yourself,
and never lose hope;
remember, even when this world throws its worst and then turns its back,
there is still always hope.”
“Never lose faith in yourself,
and never lose hope;
remember, even when this world throws its worst and then turns its back,
there is still always hope.”
*Hugs Ally* It went ok, I freaked out a little bit when I saw how many people were in the lecture but I managed to calm myself down without anyone noticing I think. Also I felt kinda bad cause some people asked me what other classes I had and when I mentioned that I was only doing 2 subjects they asked me why but I managed to kinda get away with not telling them. Made me feel like a bit of a failure though, I should be able to do a full time load of classes. All in all the day went alright I think. Anyways whats up?
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
*cuddles Ally lots* I am sorry your struggling so much, is there anything I can do to help? Also it is ok if you post asking for support on here, I think you should. Good luck with your pysch tomorrow too, please be honest with him.
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
*cuddles back* thanks sweetheart, dont know that anyone can help tbh but thankyou. want to post for support but don't deserve it and dont know what to say. Will try and be honest with my psych, he knows things arent great but there are things I'm just not allowed to tell him.
I know you can't help but think that. Have you considered an actual diet? I have been on a vegetable/protein diet last summer and I lost about 15 lbs.?
I am kind of on a diet now... I mean, I usually eat healthily anyway, except when I go on mini-binges. :( (Those just started recently.) I need to lose a good deal of weight (well, a "good deal" according to me, not my personal trainer/good friend)... ugh. I'm not good at actually making meal plans and sticking to them but it's not like we eat fast food a lot or anything... or pizza... or anything high in calories except at times. I don't know, does that make any sense?
Quote:
Originally Posted by lynx
Yea. He was like, here's 10 for the book, and here's 10 to send it through the mail, and if you want to here are some Belgian stamps you can use to send them with, too. Liek whut???
Lol. That's interesting... :P
Quote:
Originally Posted by lynx
Do you go psychotic? I didn't know that. I know because I keep having these weird things like a voice telling me to throw myself underneath a truck or to break bones. The last two days I had a thought stop. I had a sermon from my dad yesterday and he asked me what I was thinking about, and all I could tell him was: "Dad, I really wish I were thinking of something right now." Also I ploughed through dirt with my bike today because of the roadworks on my regular way to the village. I wanted to take an alternative route but I couldn't think so I certainly couldn't think of THAT. Dirt it was...
Also the fact that SI brings relief is very alarming to me. I cried over the phone when I told Tom I did it. "Why did you do that?" he asked me. "So I could cry afterwards. Do you still love me?" "Of course I do. Don't cry." Etcetera, etcetera.
Yep, I go psychotic. I have psychotic bipolar type II... have had a lot of hallucinations, both visual & auditory, in the past. I don't even remember when the voices started but the Geodon - when I started it in 2006 - made my mind so QUIET that I have to think that the voices had been there maybe my entire life? I really don't know. The most recently I've been psychotic was in January, but that was sleeplessness-induced. So yeah... April needs to get a LOT of sleep!!
Awh... but doesn't SI always bring relief? or have you been abstaining from it for awhile until just now? *cuddles*
Quote:
Originally Posted by lynx
If I don't move out yet, yes, then I'll "have" to. Since I have huge memory problems, it would be very difficult lying about therapy each time. Also I don't feel well, I don't feel safe, I don't feel... Sometimes there's just plain emptiness in my head and all I can do is cry because I want it to go away. Deep down I want to have myself admitted.
Ahh, didn't know you were still living at home. Makes sense to tell them then... and no, no condemnation for still living at home. Heck, had I not gotten married, I still would be living at home. :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lynx
Sorry, but where are you now? And do you have an appointment with one of your profs? Do you trust him or her?
You're not an epic fail, April. Absolutely not. After six years of battering and ploughing you got to your senior year. That's fantastic! I want you to hang in there and not feel like a failure since you're going to graduate. Tell that to yourself. I'm going to graduate. Period.
(That's easy to say, I know. But try to. Please?)
I was at uni. And whenever I'm at uni I want to be home... :( I have an appt with my advisor/senior sem prof on Thursday... I trust him quite a lot, he knows everything that's going on with me (mostly), so yeah. And I need to talk to another prof who let me make up an assignment. Urgh. Not looking forward so much to that - I trust her too, and she knows some of my issues but not all of them... but I don't know her as well. :-X
I'll try to tell myself that...
*more cuddles for Tineke and everyone else*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
