Triggering (Suicide/Sexual Abuse) - gang raped at knife point

[lozstar88]

I'm sorry to post but I could really do with some support right now.

I have just come out of hospital, after being section (committed) for a month. On Febuary the 2nd I was attacked by two men who held a knife to my throat and both digitally and orally raped me...

please...anyone...tell me that it will be okay...this is the third SA incident I have experienced...and I am starting to feel like I was put on this earth for one reason...for men to use and abuse me...I was SA from 8 to 12, date raped at 17 and now again at 21 I don't know if I can do this again

I was found unconscious by the police and taken to a hospital...I woke up in emergency with my mum crying...while the nurse was out she rid my hospital file...

They tranferred me to the Womens hospital to a special wing run by CASA (centre against sexual assault) where they did a rape kit and took samples for evidence...the police were called because it happened by strangers in a public area and there for it was dubbed a "serious sex crime" that had to investigated even if I didn't want to press charges.

I had a video statement taken but the police officer who was lovely (she also had the same name as me)...I wasn't allowed to smoke at the hospital but she argued with nurses to let me leave with her for a bit and she would look after me...she bought me lunch and shared her smokes with me.

They have CCTV footage of the two men walking away from where it happened and she said my statement was really good and corrobarated with the time on the footage etc...so she said my case was good...but they still can't locate the two men...I'm doing a sketch with the police this week...they have been really understanding about me being in hospital and not pressuring me :)

Since the attack I have had three suicide attempts...and am still struggling a lot with suicidal thoughts and FLASHBACKS and nightmares...it is my first night at home and I am reallly scared of myself...i don't want to let everyone down but I'm struggling to cope!

help, a hug maybe? xxxxx

[Wannabfree]

im really sorry to hear what has happened to you ''big hugs''...i can understand that it would be really hard to cope right now and my heart goes out to you...please hang in there....if you ever want to chat im available and will support you as much as i can....''''hugs again''

[crazykat]

Sweetheart,
I am so sorry you had to go through that. It's understanable that your really struggling. Please hold on through, you will make it through this. Take care
Kat xxx

[lozza]

*cuddles my sweet beautiful twinny*
I love you so much sweetie and I am so sorry that you had to go through this, yet again. It is not fair at all and you deserve so much better!!! *cuddles more* I know I dont always have the greatest words baby, but tomorrow I will hold you and not let go, cuz your that important to me and to not have you in my life would just be like turning my head and walking away from life...

I love you

[Jetforce]

I'm sorry to hear what happened

don't have many words for u tho.....*cuddles u*

If u wish to talk about anything, feel free to PM me, or anybody else for that matter (sorry speaking for everybody, but i'm sure u won't mind)

[Kame]

I'm really sorry to hear this sweetheart, you really did not deserve it. *Big cuddles* I'm sorry I don't have any words but if you want to talk, you are more than welcome to PM me. Take care, sending lots of love and hugs your way,
Lanny xxx

[Canis]

That sounds so horrible. :( *gives you massive hugs*

[troubleshooter]

*hugs lots and lots* It will get better. Just because you were hurt as a child doesn't mean that's what you're meant for. What these men did was awful and they all belong in jail forever. You're going to recover and I bet that the policewoman and everyone will help you. Are you talking to therapists too? That should help a lot, and we're here if you need us. *hugs more* Be safe honey, it will get better.

*hugs* i can't imagine how much pain you must be in. But know you will get through this, and things will get better. don't be afraid to reach out for support, you really deserve it. it's really understandable you're struggling. realize though that you are a survivor and you are a million times better than these horrible people who have hurt you. You can be happy, it will take a lot of work to get through this but it is possible. I think it's incredible that you're working so well with the police. that has to be really scary. It's good that the police are being gentle with you. Make sure you reach out to your friends/family/professionals when you need to. I think you're really brave and inspiring to be fighting through this.

[lozstar88]

thank-you everyone for your really kind words and hugs, they are very much appreciated.

Just trying to take each day as it comes...xxx

[youngatheart]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Big hugs and pm me anytimexx

[Alix]

Aww, Sorry to hear hun. Hope everything gets better. -hugs- Your not here on earth for anything you don't want to be here for and obviously this is not what you want. <3

[Revival]

Sweetheart I am so so sorry that you had to go through that *holds gently* Please keep holding on, things can get better I promise, you deserve so much better than this. Love you *cuddles*

[lozstar88]

I don't know if I can do this
*flashback* **** **** ****

[troubleshooter]

But know what honey? We know you can! *hugs lots and lots* Keep us updated if you want, and we'll help you pull through it all. :) It's going to be ok honey, it will.

[bobbiwibble]

*hugs* same thing happened to me. never went to the police, i regret it, think you're insanely brave.

i know how you feel about it happening over and over as well.

i was abused at 13, raped at 16, since then ive been raped by 9 people one of them was a gang rape. im 20 now

i'm here if you ever wanna talk xxxxxxxx