punishment

[Einmyria]

I had a very unmotivated day, did some things i'm not pleased about and was less productive than i should have been therefore i punished myself. ive been doing very well in not hurting myself and i feel somewhat pleased that i did punish myself because quite simply i deserved it and i let myself get away with things too often. I deliberately didn't cut and used another method because it is months free of cutting i am counting and telling people (14 months!) so actually noone really needs to know about this and i won't be lying - if anyone asks how i'm doing with SH i will have to tell them but that isn't all that likely i don't reckon.

Not too sure what i'm after, i'm a bit confused, i thought i would feel bad or guilty if i SHed after so long but i don't. Kind words would be good because i don't think i'm thinking all that straight right now, a bit of logic might be quite useful too. I suppose i just needed to write it somewhere and this seemed a good place.

Thankyou so much to anyone who read and/or gives time to reply.

[Einmyria]

okay, i feel bad about it now. Might delete the post later....

[chickenpie]

Don't feel bad, at least you didn't cut?

Whatever you did isn't good, because its still SH, but once in 14 months is excellent. Draw a line under it, and carry on. Unless you're thinking of using this method more often, I see no reason to feel bad about a slip, especially as it wasn't cutting. Your breaking the habit.

[Einmyria]

the thing is, i wasn't intending on it being a one off, i was intending on it being whenever i need punishing.
the 14 months is only taking into account cutting, i have harmed, not this way but in other ways in the past year but not that recently.

[makedamnsure]

Replacing cutting with other methods of SH isn't going to be that helpful in the long run. Why not try replacing it with some safer mechanisms. If you feel you need punishing go for a run or put in a mega hard session at the gym so your body will ache and you feel pain of your muscles hurting without real damage.

One thing that is quite good (because it hurts LOTS) is to stand with your back against a wall and then "sit down" as if there is a chair there, with your legs at 90 degree angle to the floor. Hold for as long as possible and trust me it will hurt, but also strengthen your body at the same time.

[Stellata]

Sounds like punishment is something you struggle with, and you're a hard task master for yourself.
What if you try taking 'shoulds' out of how you describe your achievements? It also might help to reflect on why and how you got to think that punishing yourself is the way to do things.