Actually, I don't go to the school anymore cause I'm 25 now, I did go to the nice school and was very nice teachers too. Well, no, she didn't go the jail but she already have a help from someone (not sure when). She felt horrible things to us in the classroom.
As for school, it was supposed to be safe but the only one is teacher and her class in it:/..she wasn't very nice person at all. She becames too abusives us. I remember the one time, she was spying on us from the window of outside where the kids are playing and expect me, I was talking to the girl and the mean teacher told me saying stuffs and I got it off her but I was really pissed at her for doing it..
The last time, I seen her at the wedding and she looks a bit change of herself but she trying to stop being abuse of the other kids. I still thinks that she doesn't change for one bit..
Do you know if that woman is still teaching? It's important to make sure she's not so she doesn't get to hurt anymore children in her care.
I've had quite a bad day today. I had a counselling session this afternoon which was really hard. I find it ok to talk about some things, but really hard to talk about others. It's just that these other things are what I need to talk about in order to get better. I hate it that it's so hard. My counsellor managed to find out what was upsetting me just before the end of my session, so has asked me to try and write about it to show her next week. I'm terrified about my next session already. It's one thing admitting here that my mom abused me, but I don't know how I'm going to manage to talk about it with a person sitting opposite me. I'm scared. Luckily I spoke to a friend after my session, which helped to calm me down straight afterwards, but now my mind seems to constantly think about what I need to tell her. I'd love to back out of it, but I know it's something I need to do.
Yes, she does teaching about things like abc's orders and do the math etc. She was teaching for deaf kids like me, she never did to anyone after the abuse in the classroom..she finally stopped but she always a chatterbox. Someone told me about her and I finds it very hard to deal with but I still managed do it.
Midnightblue, it's okay to talk about other things but you gotta give it or not..it's just something that you felt from the moment, and it is okay to give it to her about your mom abused you and she will helps you no matter what..You will be fine sweetie and I know that you can do it!
I was physically and emotionally abused by my mom...and maybe sexually but I still have a hard time admitting or realizing that it might be sexual abuse. She did things like...when I was 8 she made me drink her breast milk from her breast and then she laughed at me and said I was sick for doing it...when she gave me no other choice. And a couple times she was drunk and she tried to make out with me repeatedly. It makes me feel sick to think about.
She always called me a bitch, and other things, and threatened to abandon me. She hit me and/or made fun of me when I cried or got upset about anything.
I am so angry at her for ruining my life, but at the same time I can't show her that. I feel like I'm the mother and I have to take care of her and protect her. That makes me sick.
Just what am I supposed to say?
And tell you why I turned out this way?
Don't make me. Don't make me.
Thanks for the encouragement SweetDeeDee, I'm just dreading it a lot. I had a really bad night last night which hasn't helped the way I feel. I'm really struggling and just want to curl up and disappear for a while.
Thank you for sharing evfreak24, it helps to know I'm not the only one abused by their mom. Have you ever spoken to anyone about what your mom has done? Maybe you could try and tell us a bit more, to help your anger come out.
Anytime Midnightblue, "hugs"..I know that last night was very hard thing to do but eventually you will gets better pretty soon and I know you can and don't even think about your mother but your cousellor will help you whatever you may likes to or not.."cuddle with you & take over the warm blankets".
*hugs evfreak* Thanks for sharing honey, and for not being able to admit to the SA, you did a really great job with us. :) It's not your fault mom did all that to you and you've a good right to be angry. Come back to vent anytime you need.
*hugs midnight really tight* You're making progress in your counseling and I know last night was bad, but we're all here for you and it's going to be okay love,
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
troubleshooter and midnightblue thank you for your kind messages. Im currently alone with all this, my psych dropped me because they tend not to take on abuse cases.. (My mums job allows her to refer kids to them and they consistantly decline abuse, domestic violence etc)i was lucky to last as long as i did. We had a really good relationship, i was with them for 7 months before i disclosed and then within 2 they drop me.. and the way they did so really hurt. They only knew the mere basics.. we never got into details, they knew very little really. I dont know if i can afford private but in 6 months i will be transferred to adult services... but it seems so long off and im really bad at the moment, im at a loss as to what to do. I think no-one will take me on because of what happened or they wont see me after seeing me once because they will know how bad i actually am and dont deserve the help. All i need is someone to listen and just hug me, i've had a recent reality check and all my life has been swamped by pain caused by everyone around me... i feel like i've never been liked and it rationalises everything they did to me, im having really nasty nightmares and flashbacks..and they're making me feel really bad about myself.. i've not felt so actively destructive against myself in quite a while, im just overwhelmed by self hatred and disgust. My GP is seeing me weekly to keep an eye on me physically as well as mentally, he's upped my meds and is keeping track but thats it. I hope im allowed to mention this if not i'll edit it out... i have to be 'checked out'... but in my current circumstances i dont even think i can trust a woman.. i think they're actually bothering me more than men at the moment.. which is silly of me i cant even let my mum hug me at the moment because i cant see what shes got in her hands and other ridiculous crap. Im acting really irrationally and i feel really rather lost.
Midnightblue: Talking about it for the first time can be really hard *hugs* and you did a really good job of managing to let them know what was bothering you. Maybe share your concerns about talking about it with your counsellor and you could discuss the best way to go ahead with it would be? You dont have to talk, maybe writing will be enough for the mean time before you start to talk. Just little steps and your counsellor should be able to respect that, remember you dont have to do anything you dont want to do. You have control of your sessions and how you use them is for you to decide, its very brave that you admit its something you need to do aswell *hugs* we have faith that you can do this and will support you no matter what you do :) take care of yourself hun x
Evfreak42: welcome to the thread hun, im sorry your mum did all those horrible things to you *hugs* it was very brave of you for telling us those things! Have you ever talked to anyone about what she did to you? I think you have every right to be angry with her and none of it was your fault at all. We're here for you when you want to talk , well done again, look after yourself xx
"It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit"
-J.R.R Tolkien
Thank you for your words of encouragement domino_effect, it means a lot *hugs back* the thing is, I just want to test the waters with her before I disclose important stuff. I've been seeing her for a while now and she's been brilliant for everything else, I'm just scared about discussing this, because, well, what if she thinks I'm as disgusting as I feel? :( I need to see how she reacts to something unimportant before I even think about telling her anything else. I'm just so scared about next Wednesday that I can't think about anything else. It's as if it keeps going through my head all the different ways of telling her, yet I never decide how and just get upset. It really sucks :(
You seem really low atm domino_effect *hugs* so I'm really glad that you're managing to write here. You're definitely not on your own in all this, and we'll all be here to listen. I'm sorry you've always seemed to struggle where help is concerned, but it doesn't mean you have to carry on like that. It's good that you see your gp regularly, but do you fill her in about how you feel? Maybe it's worth telling her you need someone to try and talk to about things. She might be able to refer you to someone else. It's not silly at all that you're struggling with women, I'm not surprised at all considering. But you just need to remember that theyre not all the same. Hugging your mom could be a good place to start. Just remind yourself that she's safe and it's ok to hug her. Keep your chin up hun, it'll all be ok. *hugs*
Not sure If what ive experience was emotional abuse or just me being stupid, from mother.
Quote:
Originally Posted by evfreak42
She always called me a bitch, and other things, and threatened to abandon me. She hit me and/or made fun of me when I cried or got upset about anything.
I am so angry at her for ruining my life, but at the same time I can't show her that.
Thats one of the things mother has did that bothers me alot.
Thanks for sharing Ami. Hope you feel you can come back and post a bit more *hugs*
Seems like there's more and more people who have been abused by their moms:( I don't know whether that makes me feel better for not being the only one, or worse knowing that other people are in pain too :/
In a way, it's funny. I mean, who would suspect a mother was abusing her kids? Probably one of the reasons why they do it ><
My mom let me make not a single independent decision at home. Like... not even letting me pick a spoon to eat my dessert with or letting me chose what socks to wear or stuff like that and it's still taking it's toll because I have no clue what I'm supposed to do most of the time and I'm horrible at making decisions in general.
I guess that's what happens if the first time you pick out your own clothes in the morning is at age 13...
Not afraid of crying, sorrow and foe
Not afraid of falling down below
To the night, recklessly we fly
Like living dead, we'll never die
adopted by I.Heart..And ^_^ + adopted AintYourFairytale
A lot of people who've been controlled that much have probelms making decisions. Sometimes it helps to bring that up in therapy, or try to practice making some harmless decisions that have no wrong answer. (Like which spoon to eat dessert with)
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
i am feeling really upset about what happened to me ...i saw someone that reminded me of the woman who did bad things to me and i freaked out...im feeling terrified .... ive always been scared that i will be trapped again and hurt and no one will know where i am :( :( :(
*hugs close* Maybe keep a cell phone on you at all times, and a rape alarm or even a safety plan if something scary happens. *strokes your hair* Want to share more?
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
