Triggering (Abuse) - Counsillor put this to me! *possible trig*

[Lone_Dark_Star]

Ok so I saw my counsellor on Monday and she left me this to think about!
Is the reason my sex drive dives when I'm in a relationship because I feel unsafe? Like My sex drive is hi when I'm single because in fact I know I am not going to have sex so in a sense I am safe!

So have been thinking about this alot and it makes sense! But how am I suppose to over come this??
How do I go from wanting sex alot to barely ever wanting it?? What causes the change?
What causes me to get depressed and think of my past if the relationship is great!?
Does this make me a complete nut job? This is far from normal! I feel so crazy and insane compared to those around me! I feel so bad that sex and innuendos can irritate me so easily! Not all the time they don't but a fair bit of the time they do!
Is alot of this down to a lack of trust? Do I truely trust the guy in the first place?
I want this sorted out! I want a relationship where I don't argue about sex or begin thinking of my past!
I'm 24, I'm suppose to out there enjoying myself, partying, getting drunk instead I'm sitting here at home alone, I go to bed early cus I need my sleep and I take anti depressants!! Non of this makes sense too me! I feel like I am the only one round here that is like this and that no one understands or gets why I am like this, even if i try to explain it!

Does anyone understand?? Does anyone know a way to stop this from ruining relationships?

[Fry]

i think your counselor makes a good point about your sex drive being higher when there isn't a chance of you having sex but low when there is. fear is a likely explanation. maybe you don't trust the people you are in relationships with, your past may well have left you with trust issues. and being in a relationship at all may be enough to remind you of negative things that have happened before.
have you ever had any proper therapy about this?

[slacker]

i can relate to your difficulties completely. many people have this difficulty particularly if they've had experiences of what the title of your thread says

you are not a simple organism but a complex being. your mind is made up not only of reasoning and logic, but emotions that remember experiences from an intuitive/sensing (non-logical) place. all humans are like this

expecting your body and emotional mind to be the same as your thinking mind is doing yourself an unfairness. your body and your emotional memories may respond differently to how you reason with yourself i.e. 'surely i should be...' which only compounds the distress and self-judgment

yes there are ways through this. you may have to pay for it but getting yourself a trauma therapy can really help with this stuff such as emdr and sensorimotor psychotherapy, which are specifically designed for this kind of stuff

the more you accept yourself as someone who is sensitive and has a sexuality where it is right now without loading expectations to do with age, gender and other factors, the more likely you are to find that others accept you as you are too (including your chosen partner). go with not against your grain

[Lone_Dark_Star]

Thank you guys!
Slacker you are right I probably do put too much pressure on myself to be a certain way and cus I'm not I get completely frustrated and annoyed. I will speak to my counsillor in a few weeks and see what see says!! but I can't see what I've been through to be justified for needing a specialist therapist! But I guess time will tell!
*hugs you both* thank you