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Triggering (SI/OD) - So Confused---is This Normal????
I am so confused. I havent si-ed in about eight or so weeks and its killing me! I am under alot of stress, currently not living with my immidiate family because of the constant fighting and drugs. I depise my brother because he is an addict, but i understand his need to self medicate. So i am living with my grandparents.
I wake up crying. I have nightmares about family dying or getting abused. I have soo many nightmares about suicide and SI. They are starting to scare me.
Lately, i have just been overwhelmed. i dont know how i havent relapsed by now. I have been just wanting to harm myself or numb myself out so much lately. I conteplate being permiscuouse in dangerous ways, taking a handful of pills to numb my body and brain so i can sleep, or just plain old cutting and burning again. I feel like i need it. I know i am depressed but i hate how i am hiding it so well. I feel like no one can tell how i feel. I also feel like they are all reaching out, trying to help but i only say no.
I dont know. I just would feel so ashamed if i just walked out and ****ed any guy i saw and i would be such a hypocrite if i ended up with a pill addiction. I'm feeling hopeless and i wish i knew someone who really understood. I am also so insecure about my weight and feel like i could just stop eating.
please,
PM me, email me, txt me (PM for my number), or find me on chat or something just please, ii am officially reaching out for help. I am scared to ask anyone else.
~~~DF~~~
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