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Triggering (SI) - I am an Epic Failure
So I carved last night. I just wanted to stop all the thoughts in my head. I needed them to stop. I needed to forget everything more. Now, I have the word 'WORTHLESS' across my stomach and it's big. I feel like a failure. I feel exactly and perfectly worthless. I don't want my friends to know when I do anymore. I've put them through so much. And if my parents find out I cut again they said (from the last time they knew) that they would lock me up in a padded room. My dad told me that. And I said, well I'll be dead inside. And he didn't care. He just wanted to make sure I didn't hurt them. I don't care if it makes him feel so F***ING guilty!!!!!! I don't even remember what all happened before. With all my nightmares, where daddy and 'HIM' rape me, For all I know they could be true!!! That's why I have to cut!!! I can't let myself remember!!! I've lost one daddy, I WON'T lose two!!!! I need to forget everything. And I almost have. It just takes a lot more cutting/carving/burning then I thought it would!
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense. I don't know why I'm writing this. None of it even matters. I should just get over it by now. It's been a few years. I'm just a stupid worthless teenager.
But now that I carved last night to stop all my thoughts, now I need to cut again so that I can feel....Just another epic fail.
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