Triggering (SI) - its back... :(

finding.my.wings · 15-02-2010, 10:23 AM

i dont know how this begun again, for a while id done nothing.
and then in the last few days ive cut everyday.
i woke up today with an image of beauty surrounding cutting in my mind. it looked so appealing. how can i want to cut when there has been nothing in my day to have set a trigger for it?

Fry · 15-02-2010, 02:01 PM

maybe it's habitual. just a random occurrence of urging or something.
what about getting rid of your tools?

Lollirot · 15-02-2010, 02:03 PM

It's an addictive behaviour. I know for me at least if I even let one romanticized image of cutting pop into my head, I'm going to want it, whether or not there's anything to actually trigger me.

The first time you did it recently... did that have a reason behind it?

finding.my.wings · 16-02-2010, 01:12 AM

yes, i had to forget what happend i had to make the memoried go away.
ive gotten rid of my tools before, and then i jsut got more when it became to much to handle. i wanna try get rid of them again- but its hard.

lozza · 16-02-2010, 01:36 AM

I know how hard it can be to get rid of them again sweetie.... I still have blades hidden in my room from before I was in hospital:(

I dont have many great words right now but am thinking of you heaps
*cuddles gently*

finding.my.wings · 17-02-2010, 12:45 AM

you know I.Heart..And, maybe you're right.
i guess now what do i do.