Hi, im new here and this is my first proper post.....so i hope i am in the right section and saying the right things.
I have self harmed during different periods since i was about 12, which wasnt very serious at first but has got worse lately. It was mostly because how i feel about myself (very low self esteem and self hatred) and feeling alone, and to relieve some stress.
My self harm has goten a bit worse and more regular during the last year, i had a couple of years of feeling happier and not having the thoughts, and being in a new relationship where i didnt think i would be doing it again. But there have been quite a few ups and downs in the last year or 2 and my depression has come back/got much worse, and there was an incident where a friend tried to sexually assult me....which i think was a trigger for things getting alot worse.
I think my boyfriend and a couple of friends are the only people that know about me self harming, but they dont really understand why. and before i always used to hide it or lie about it. It happened a couple of times during the beggining of our relationship, over silly things like arguments or me getting stressed.
Over the last few months it has happened a lot more, and my behaviour has been a bit different, i have gone to the doctor for help and he has put me on strong anti depressants, i thought that canceling would have been a better idea. It can happen of stupid things sometimes, but mostly during any arguments, or seeing other people arguing/being upset, and when i get stressed or feel worthless. Sometimes to try to cope with it i have just walked out the front door and ran/walked in any random direction....which i suppose i good as a way of stoping it, but not neccesarily safe or a good idea when it is late at night
I have been trying hard to stop and for about 2 months didnt slef harm, but i did again for the first time tonight. I was just feeling very down and getting stressed and not being able to get rid of the thoughts. I dont know what to do to stop, i always feel really bad afterwards and say it will be the last time,....but it happens again.
My boyfriend gets very upset and angry with me when he finds out i have self harmed...alot of the time i try to hide it, but that doesnt really help me either. He has tried to get me to stop and promise not to do...which isnt really something that i can do. I dont want to do it, or hurt him, which i know is the reason he gets upset. But he also has said that it is down to me to stop it.....and keeps getting very angry with me when i do it and says it will be the last time. I dont think this is entirely right.
What can i do???
Last edited by NicolaRose : 03-02-2010 at 12:05 AM.
I'm not sure what to say as I'm feeling rather grey myself. Other than I know what it's like having a partner that doesn't understand SI, they tend to find it very distressing and don't understand that it's used as a coping mechanism and takes it as thought I'm doing it to lash out at them.
I'm not sure why your boyfriend gets angry about it other than through not understanding, have you tried talking to him about it? Perhaps explain it in the context of your emotions and past?
Some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money.
They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with.
Some men just want to watch the world burn.
Feeling better today, but alot worse from what i did. In alot of pain. Its never ever worth it, and just makes you feel really bad after...and makes the guilt and self hatred worse.
I have tried talking to my boyfreind about it a few times, but its very hard, and hard to get people to understand. I find it very hard to talk and sometimes he doesnt want to talk about it so i cant explain it, i have even tried to write all my thoughts about it down. The main thing i have tried to get across is that it is never for attention or to hurt other people. But its not easy to actually explain why i have done it or what it achieves. He has said i can control it....but it doesnt seem that simple, sometimes i can snap myself out of it, but other times i will just have the thoughts in my head, and then something will trigger me to freak out and cut myself. I cant usually tell people when i am feeling like it....sometimes if i tell him when there is a stressful situation or an argument it will make things worse...and then i will get more stressed and end up doing it. I just want support and for people to help me overcome the thoughts sometimes.... but i dont really get it when people dont understand why it happens.
Is not so much, 'how can i stop self harming?'.
Do you WANT to stop self harming? Thats always the key. You won't stop self-harming if you dont want to.
The same thing with smoking. I smoke, and I would like to quit, but I dont want to.
Your boyfriend should be more supportive, have you tried to talk to him? Reason with him, tell him self-injury 'helps' you.
I told my boyfriend, and this maybe just ME, that self-harming stops me killing myself, its a safety net, and he has never tried to take it away, the whole five 1/2 years we've been together.
Although, he'd damn sure take my smoking away if he could.
Chin up girlie.
x
thank you, Lily, for saving mummy's life*.
You are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, and you'll be alright.
Have you tried using a rubber band? Or putting your arms in ice? Both of which gives you the same feeling just won't leave any scars. I find that the rubber band helps the most because when your out and you have the urge to cut you can just snap it.
Also remember an urge is just a feeling and what you do with the urge is whats important
Erm, yeah i do want to stop, i have tried hard so many times...the thing is i can go a while without doing it and then it just goes back to that again.
I want to stop because i hate the scars and the way i feel about myself, and what it is doing to me, i know it isnt a good coping mechanism. I want to be happy (but sometimes the bad stuff is part of you for so long you wonder if you will be the same person without it?!) Cutting seems to be the only way i can deal with some things..and the answer to so many bad things that i feel, im still trying hard to stop it, but I havent really come up with any other good coping meathods yet.
I do smoke too and have tried to quit a few times, i guess i dont really want to stop either because i end up going back to it, and sometimes can go a few days without it and not be bothered.
In a way i guess sometimes, i am trying to give the SI more for other people than me, when friends, my boyfriend, tell me they dont like me doing it to myself and that i shouldnt be doing it...and i have had to make those horrible promises(that can be so easy to break because its not always possible) to never do it again.
I need to have stopping for myself as the main reason to stop...which i am trying to work towards.
I know my boyfriend isnt very supportive with it sometimes....it mainly that anger is his way of deeling with things, and he just doesnt understand, and is hurt if he knows i have cut myself. So a bad reaction with me already being in a stressed and anxieous state doesnt always lead to good results, but then if things are calm it is easier to talk, and i know he cares and he does try to support me.
I guess the worse thing that has happened in a while is the other night, i was getting very stressed (in one of my other posts) and it led to an argument, me getting panicy, and my recent SI being brought up. One thing that was said to me was "why dont you just go and cut yourself" .."that the only way you can deal with things right, and what makes you feel better". I suppose you can imagine how that would hurt lol (please done think bad of it though, its stuff in the past and is sorted now) .....and how horrible i felt, and sooo close to actually fliping out and doing it.....he didnt know that i had a razor in my pocket and then in my hand the whole time, and how i wanted to just start slashing (Sorry).....and dont think i could ever tell that. BUT i managed to try to keep hold of myself and stay strong....i had a panic attck, but i didnt cut myself!, and i havent since that other night.
sometimes its easier...sometimes its not, but i do really want to get past it now.
Ahh, i was going to try the rubber band or the ice, ive kind of used a rubber band before (but it leaves a mark) ...and when i was stressing i told asked my boyfriend for one of those, he didnt believe me when i said that that is actually advise doctors and other people give, he told me it is still self harm. I dont quite agree....i will probably try the ice next time i am feeling like that.
Also sometimes writing something down will help a bit...or trying to get out and go for a walk
...sorry for going on a lot
Last edited by NicolaRose : 09-02-2010 at 01:23 AM.
Reason: spelling mistakes
