Triggering (SI) - Feel like giving up...

DWTS4 · 08-02-2010, 11:13 PM

I've just been feeling really low lately, its been almost too bad for me to keep hiding it. I wake up and the first thing I want to do in the morning is cry- I've been SI'ing more frequently and worse and I just don't know what to do. I want to talk to someone, but I don't have anyone and the words just won't leave me mouth. It hurts all the time and I feel so alone and worthless. I hate myself. I've been getting urges a lot more and I'm always tired but I never want to sleep- even getting through the day- pretending I'm okay has been exhausting me. I just really want a friend. I don't know what to do anymore- I used to hope that I could snap myself out of it but now I know I just can't. I feel like I'm breaking and just struggling to hold the pieces together. Sorry for ranting. I just don't know what to do anymore- I'm out of ideas.

ptrdasheepisgr8 · 08-02-2010, 11:45 PM

This is gonna sound really stupid but PLEASE give it a go - give yourself 5 mins of free time in the evening and try to think of nothing,stay very calm, when ur doing this listen to this [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTkzyyv0DuA[/ame] - its music by a man called Ludovico Einaudi who's a genius! I find it really calming & comforting all the time. Things don't seem so bad afterwards. If this doesn't work please send me a private message & i'll try 2 think of something else. Good Luck and Smile :)

DWTS4 · 08-02-2010, 11:53 PM

Thanks. I have actually tried some meditating and stuff before- sometimes it helps but I havn't been able to calm down or relax lately- and then when I do sometimes it just makes needing to face reality again worse. Does that make any sense? I'll give it a go again though-that music is really great. :) It does help a bit. Thanks for replying...I really appreciate it- sometimes I just like to feel like I'm heard.

Cazki · 08-02-2010, 11:57 PM

*Cuddles you* Please dont give up. I hear you about feeling very low and also that you hate yourself. Please dont hate yourself. You can get through this. What sorts of things do you enjoy doing? Have you tried distracting yourself? I find listening to music quite helpful and also doing jobs just to keep yourself busy so that the time passes by quicker.

I also think it might benefit you to make an appointment with your doctor to talk to him her about how your feeling. You could always write down what it is you want to say and give that to the doctor if you find it to difficult to talk about it face to face. Whats happening for you? Do you know what it is that causes you to harm yourself? Can you talk to us some more about things? Stay safe.

Take care best wishes Ian

DWTS4 · 09-02-2010, 12:03 AM

I like horses and dancing and sketching- its too dark to go outside and I just don't have the energy to dance right now. I like it but I just feel too low right now. I'm still technically a minor so I can't go to a doctor without talking to my parents which isn't something I feel ready to do yet. I've been distracting myself with stuff online and RYL for the past few hours and its working okay. I just feel so low I don't have the energy to do anything- I just want to sit down and stop fighting. I need a reprieve. Thanks for the advice- listening to music is helpful. I really, really do appreciate your replies. :)

Vanilla · 09-02-2010, 12:07 AM

"Those who care don't matter and those who matter don't care."
I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling bad..
I've been having harsh times coping, but I just keep looking forward.
I always look forward to seeing my girlfriend :) I see her usually every weekend, so I always try to busy myself with that. Just finding something to busy yourself with, a hobby, always helps :D

PM me if you want to talk about anything, I'm usually available :)
*hugs!*

Cazki · 09-02-2010, 12:12 AM

Have you looked at the big distractions page? If you havent it may give you some ideas on things you can do to distract yourself. Keep fighting, we are all here for you.

Take care all the best Ian

DWTS4 · 09-02-2010, 12:15 AM

Thanks. :) I'm going out dancing on friday but I just feel so bad right now- I can't bring myself to care or be happy about anything. I just don't have the energy to be enthusiastic. I'm sorry, I'm probably being unreasonable but I just feel like I've had enough. I love having hobbies like dancing but in a sense, when I'm with others I have to put back my "I'm always happy" mask and sometimes I just don't feel able to pretend I'm okay. I just wish that people could really see who I am and really hear me- and that they wouldn't abandon me afterwards. Does that make sense? I'm sorry you've been having a hard time Vanilla. Is there anything I can do to help? If you want to talk- I'm always happy to listen.