Triggering (Suicide) - I don't know what I'm thinking. *Triggering ED/SI/OD*

[phfatbeatrice]

Okay.. You guys hear me complain of my life all the time.. Well, now I think that my mind is really getting the best of me. Every time I get a headache I take Ibuprofen, and I think "I could just take a few more.." And then, when I cut.. I think "Deeper and it would be over." and then I push deeper and deeper, till I'm dizzy.

Then I don't eat. When I have to eat, I feel horrible about it, and I wanna go purge. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. When I do, I do it in such a fashion that I end up gagging moments after.

I don't know what comes over me, but I'm tired of it. I wanna be okay again, no cutting, no eating disorder, no OD thoughts.. But yet, I have financial issues and can't get therapy, or get to the doctor. It's annoying, and I really wish it weren't like that.

Well, I guess this WAS just another stupid rant. Sorry I wasted your time.. I'm not worth it. Bye.

[PassedExpectations]

There may be free councelling somewhere if you look, maybe through your school. Thats where i started out at least. Don't give up hope, you can get back to where you were before.

[phfatbeatrice]

I tried with the school, and they said they think I am unstable and need to be put in a mental home. My mom didn't sign the commitment papers, and they said they wouldn't help til she did..