Triggering (SI/OD) - I dont know what to do anymore....

[yakerdeets]

i think i need to go back to therapy and take the meds im supposed to be taking.....
i am severly depressed everyday..... i feel numb..... i do impulsive things..... i feel manic..... maybe my doctor is right..... maybe i am bi polar and i am in denial of it..... feel like i have tried everything and nothing works.....
want to self harm, want to take pills........ but i cant, i have to work tomorrow, have to function in "normal" society.
and i promised everyone i wouldnt hurt myself anymore......
i hate living up to expectations of others..... and myself.....

[Stellata]

Do you think you can do what you need to do to get back into therapy?

The thing with change, is, as the psychoanalyst Jung once said, is that unless you accept what is, you cannot change. Try to accept yourself with kindness though.

[yakerdeets]

im going to try. but i almost cant do it without judging myself or feeling like the therapists and doctors are judging me. eventhough deep down i know that they dont judge people like that.
but for a while not (especially with my therapist) i have always canceled appointments claiming "im ok" "im fine" and not taking meds thinking i would be/am. and im not. so i feel like if i go back that they will secretly sit back and "laugh" thinking see she is not fine, see we were right......
maybe im paranoid........

[lozza]

dont have many words but am thinking of you *cuddles*