I need some relationship/love advice badly

LD50 · 11-08-2007, 12:41 PM

Well I'm new here.. just looking for a place to talk about stuff. And to help out some other people when I can too. So here goes:

I seem to have emotional attachment issues with girls. And by that I mean I get attached very quickly and very strongly. I've always been like this, and it usually ends up making me feel like shít. I always experience emotions very strongly and I feel like I am a hostage to them.

Specifically I have this tendency to get attached to more than one girl at the same time. I can't help it. Right now for example I have a girlfriend that I love very much, but I'm also in love with another girl and I don't understand how that can be. And though I don't cheat on my girlfriend, in my mind I feel like I am cheating on her.

I feel like I can never be happy in my current relationship (or in any relationship, for that matter) because of the strong feelings I inevitably develop for other girls. But it's not like I want out of this relationship either. I love them both, is all I know, but that just doesn't seem acceptable. How is it possible that I have these feelings for multiple people? These kinds of feelings are supposed to be shared between two people only.

I feel like something is wrong with me and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it because of what they'll think about me. I am in a constant state of guilt over my own emotions and it makes me feel like a bad person. There was one point in my life were I was in love with three girls at the same time, for crying out loud, and I know that can't be normal.

This is a problem for me because on top of the fact that I fall for people very easily, I also get hurt very easily, and when that happens I get depressed and turn to drugs.

I guess I just want to know what other people think about this, because I've never told anyone about it.

~KemicalRain~ · 11-08-2007, 01:04 PM

hey dude nice user name BTW...
but yeah i have been there (and still there in some ways) but i think it is just one of those things you need to try and control and if not well then maybe you just are not happy yet... i mean i have some sort of attchment problem too but well the two people i like know and we are going to sort it out and hopefully if you talk to the people they wont do anything about and you will slowly get over it i promise and if you need help about anything feel free to PM me

Sooty · 11-08-2007, 02:31 PM

Hi there,
Are you sure that it is "love" that you feel for both girls? Love is very commonly mistaken for infatuation, lust and a crush. Take a very good look at your situation for both girls... do you really "LOVE" these girls or have you formed a very strong attration? Love is something that is built through time and trust and supporting eachother.

Feeling overly attached to people can stem from an emptiness inside you or purely loneliness. I know as when I was lonely I latched onto any person that would give me the time of day. If you feel the same way about both girls then as stevevaijir suggested.... are you REALLY happy with either of them. I know that you don't want to cheat and that's an admirable thing as lots would but perhaps you need to control your issues with attachment before you get into a serious relationship to avoid difficult situations such as this? Take care. Hope this has helped even a little bit. :)
Sophie.x

.ghost. · 11-08-2007, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feel_the_release

Hi there,
Are you sure that it is "love" that you feel for both girls? Love is very commonly mistaken for infatuation, lust and a crush. Take a very good look at your situation for both girls... do you really "LOVE" these girls or have you formed a very strong attration? Love is something that is built through time and trust and supporting eachother.

That pretty much sums up what I was going to say. I think you should look carefully at the relationship you have with both girls to try and see what the amount of trust, support and understanding you have built with each of them is, as some of what you're feeling could be infatuation.
Do you have a strong realtionship with both girls? And have you known them both a long time or not?

Getting overly attached to people can also stem from feelings of rejection, so once you manage to find somebody you feel close to, you don't want to let them go so you end up overly attached.
You mentioned about getting hurt very easily, did you experience this before you had troubles with getting overly attached?

Take care
xx

svenn · 11-08-2007, 07:48 PM

like the others have said, make sure that what you feel really is love. i have thought that i have felt it but in fact it has just been infatuation. it also sounds like part of what is making you feel so bad is that you have fixated on the idea of monogamy. while it works for most people, it does not for others. i have know some people that just do not have the one person only relationships. it just does not work for them. maybe that is the case with you. if it is then you need to be very honest with yourself and your partners. because you can hurt people that way. just a random thought.

LD50 · 12-08-2007, 12:28 AM

Thanks for the responses!

Well, I know that love is a strong word to use but I do believe that's what I'm feeling. Or I'm horribly confused, which could be just as easily true. In response to ghost's questions: as it is with my current girlfriend and the other girl that I believe I am in love with, I have known both girls for awhile and have strong and trusting relationships with both of them.

As for my tendency to get hurt easily... I've always been like that and I suspect it may have something to do with difficult parts of my past.

Svenn, your comment about monogamy not working for some people is interesting. The thing is, I want it to work for me. I don't want to have to deal with the pain that always results from these issues. I want to have one person who is totally committed to me, and to whom I am totally committed. It would make things so much easier...