Hey there everyone, my name is Danielle. I'm new to this site, so please forgive me if I do something that's frowned upon.
I'm 15 years old and a dancer. I was a competitive swimmer for 8 years, but finally quit because of injuries and burnout. I danced all my life and finally focused on dance (my passion) last year, at the beginning of my freshman year of high school. But sadly, that's when I started cutting. I'm not quite sure why. It's probably from stress and trying to be perfect. I had swim practice at 5 in the morning, school that was packed with all honors classes, practice after school, dance for a few hours, then homework all night. I originally only cut on my stomach, but over the summer things got worse really quickly, and all of a sudden I was covered with scars. They are in stupid and reckless places too: my legs (you can see them through my tights at dance), arms, and one on my hand that people always ask about.
A few weeks ago I realized that I'll never be able to wear shorts or a t shirt or a bikini again. I'm going to try bio oil , but I'm sick of my scars dictating what I can do and wear. Long story short, I don't want to cut anymore.
I realize that I can't do this alone, so I need to tell someone. My close friend knows, but she also cuts, and I don't want to trigger her. The first step will be telling my boyfriend. I know that sounds disgustingly teenage girly, but he's going to find out anyway. He's constantly asking about the scar on my hand and keeps trying to roll up my sleeves. Once he asked if he should be worried. I changed the subject. I know it's not fair to him, and I'm going to try not to dump my issues on him and make him pick up the pieces when I'm struggling, but I need to get it out of the way. How should I go about telling him? "Oh hi Kevin, I cut."? The next step should probably be an adult, but I'm scared of deciding who. I definintely don't want my parents to know because they expect me to be perfect and wouldn't take it seriously. Maybe a teacher or something? I don't know :/
I'm a member of an online forum for dancers and asked them this same question, but their answers weren't as helpful as I'd hoped. I'm hoping that I'll get more answers here because I'm sure we are all going through the same thing. Thank you all so much.
You could try by telling your boyfriend that you need to tell him something really important and that you need him to keep an open mind. Then tell him exactly what you have told us. If you need someone to talk to you can always pm me. Good luck, I hope everything goes well.
I was a dreamer, staring at windows
Out onto the main street 'cos that's where the dream goes
And when I got older, when I grew bolder
Out onto the streets I flew
Released from your shackles, I learned a new way to move
So before you take this song as truth, you should know
How I benefit from you being here
Lending me your ears while I'm selling you my fears
Try and explain at a time when he is actually listening (boys tend to never listen or be serious lol!). Turn the tv and everything off and say you really need him to be helpful and understanding because you want to tell him something that is very hard for you to say.
Explain that you were going through a stressful time etc. and that now you want to stop but you need his help.
If there is a teacher you trust then tell them because they can be really helpful but remember that if they think that you are in danger they, by law, have to tell your parents. What about your dance teacher, could you talk to them?
I understand that you don't want to tell your parents, but although they will be scared and upset I'm sure, what makes you feel that they wouldn't help you too?
Maybe telling your friend who also self harms would be a good thing?? It might not trigger her and it might actually make you both feel less isolated and alone. Does her cutting trigger you??
Your boyfriend obviously know there is something wrong. Does the conversation about your scar or whatever come around fairly regularly? If so, maybe this would be a good time to have this much needed conversation. Just be entirely honest with him and if hes upset or angry its only because he cares and in time he will get used to loving every inch of you for what it is.
Only tell a teacher if you think that you can be completely open with them, bare in mind that they may have to report it to a member of the senior management team if they are concerned about you although it shouldnt get back to your parents if you make it clear that you do not want this to happen.
Feel free to PM me anytime you like too.
It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you may even fool some of the people all of the time; but you cant fool all of the people all of the time - Abraham Lincoln
Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think - La Bruyere
Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind then on outward circumstances - Benjamin Franklin
last year i told my boyfriend about my cutting...i tried hinting at it for a while but even though it seemed obvious to me...he thought i had stretch marks or something and that i had been pregnant...i don't know how he got that. Like you i had them on my side...i had started on my wrists and they were barely noticeable. Then i went to my side as i also dance and do show choir (both which require either short sleeves or in most cases tank tops/stuff with spaggetti straps) Then i did the stupid thing of writing on my arm ( i wrote love and hope...don't really know why.. and it was on my left arm) I even told him that i have some scars on my side and on my arm but he still concluded that i had been pregnant at one time. anyway getting on to when i actually told him...i was really scared but i called him and asked him if he could meet me at the park near my house...i kinda explained to him that i was having problems and asked him if he had figured out what i had been trying to hint to him about and he said no but he was starting to get the idea and then i'm like well those scars i told you about...i did it myself... surprisingly he took it a lot better than i thought he would...i had been expecting him to break up with me or get upset...he was hurt i think but that was the day he hinted that he thought he loved me. If your boyfriend cares about you (which i assume he does) then he will just want the best for you. he may over react if he has never been around anyone who cuts but it sounds like he thinks you cut already and seems to care about you if he thinks he should be worried. The thing that got me to tell my boyfriend is that even if i hurt him by telling him it would be worse if he found out from someone else. i would try hinting at it and see if he brings it up again and then tell him. if he doesn't take the hint then tell him when you are ready to..but the longer you wait the harder it will be. Message me anytime. *hugs*
I can fly, I can fly among the clouds
All I need are a pair of wings,
outside help, and a little faith
You are valuable, don't let anyone tell you differently.
Love Gives Me Hope
