Just to say I'm sorry for not being on much recently, in a bit of a bad place right now and I can't really help.. I'm being very useless.. I got r*ped on thursday so trying to sort my head out with that, and just been ill and working and such, I dunno when I'll be back on again, I'm sorry. I miss you guys xx
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
*Gentle hugs*
I am so sorry that happened to you, you must be feeling terrible. Have you got a therapist you can talk to about what happened, so they can help you work through it. Don't know if you are blaming yourself or not, but just remember its not your fault what happened. Also no need to apoligise for not being on lately, its completely understandable. You need to take time out for yourself to get yourself feeling better about things. If you need to talk feel free to PM me. Take care of yourself.
Kat xxx
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
I do have a therapist, but I'm undecided as to whether I'll tell her about it.. I mean she's supposed to be very good with people who have been abused and all that.. but we just haven't "clicked". Which does sound stupid, I know. I am stupid. There's more to it, I just dunno how to put it into words.
And I know it was.. it happened.. in a secluded area, not many people are going to be around or bother looking in the direction but I should have screamed or something. Should have fought him harder, should have stopped him. I know it's my fault. I knew him, knew (partly) what he was capable of, but I was too stupid to run, too slow to react, it didn't really sink in until it was already happening and by then it was too late to stop it starting and gah. I dunno.
I ended up a total mess. Got home, showered. Went over to my friend's house where she calmed me down slightly, checked how I was physically, fed me, gave me a hug, and then gave me a lift home later so I wouldn't get into trouble from my parents. (I <3 her so much).
But yeah, I'm just a bit.. out of it really. Dunno what to do now.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
*hugs* im so sorry that happened. it wasnt your fault. at all. he chose to do that to you so that makes it his fault.
you dont have to get on with your therapist. just because shes experienced in sexual abuse doesnt mean that shes the right person for you to talk to, it can take a while to find someone you feel comfortable with. you can ask to see someone else.
i hope that makes sense
look after yourself
x x x x
You don't need to apologise for not being around much, you need to concentrate on yourself and finding a way to deal with everything that has happened to you.
Like it has been said in other posts, it's ok if you don't click with your therapist, your not meant to just because they have all this knowledge. It might help if you look into changing theapists and it's important that you feel comfortable enough with them to talk about what happened to you on that night.
*hugs*
take as much time as you need to look after yourself, and just know that people are here for you.
if you know the guy you should think about reporting it.
and i agree that you have every right to look at finding a different counsellor, if your not comfortable then you wont be able to open up to her, and if you want it to work you have to be able to talk openly. hope that makes sense.
pls take care hun
xoxoxox
Do not follow the common path.....go where there is no path and leave a trail.....
I did tell my therapist.. which I think was a mistake really, as she just would not let it go all session. I don't really want to talk to her about it. It scares me, and right now I just want to forget about it.
Reporting it is out of the question. I have no evidence - he used a condom, and I had a shower straight after I got home. All my clothes have been through the wash by now. There are no witnessess, nothing to say that it happened. I don't bruise easily, which is usually a godsend, but it's not helpful right now.
Besides... I'm too much of a coward to do that.
(It's probably a different topic, but this therapist I'm seeing now.. it's through CAMHS, and I've already changed once cos my last one went on maternity leave, and I've been seeing this one for about a year now so there's not really any point in changing again now.)
I just feel so damn exhausted all the time.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
I'm not though, I'm just.. sat here wanting to cry but not able to. The one person who's said I could call her if I needed to talk, I don't want to call because she's probbaly busy and I don't want to take up any more of her time. God knows I've been annoying enough. I want to go to the park but I can't, and my mum's getting back with my sister from holiday later today so there's be an argument for sure about something then and I just don't know what to do. My head hurts.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
You are important sweetheart and if you have a number yo ushould call. *hugs you tight* We care about you and you deserve attention from therapists and other good people. You're a good person Alex. *more cuddles*
