Anyone got any advice?

confused.com · 29-12-2009, 10:29 PM

Right, this is the first time I have posted a thread so here goes. I just wondered if anyone had any advice. I have been self harming for amost 5 years, I dont want to be doing it all my life and I'm scared that its taking over my life. I lost my dad in 2007 and that has hit me hard, I feel like I havent been able to get over this. I dont talk to my mum and I am cuttently staying with a relative. I constantly have thoughts and dreams about no longer being around and have attempted this a couple of times but unfortunately I'm still here.
Anyone got any advice?

Thanks

BeautifulGarbagex3 · 29-12-2009, 10:51 PM

Aww hun* hugs* ,
this must be really hard for you. It's like you've lost two people at once. Um , with advice I would try to distract yourself with urges. Have you got anyone you can confide in with this? A friend , relative etc.
Maybe counselling would help you get over it and your self harm problems? You could visit your doctor to ask about this.
Im always here to talk PM anytime. :D xxx

confused.com · 29-12-2009, 11:00 PM

I just really cant stop myself from having these horrible thoughts

xlaurenx · 30-12-2009, 06:22 PM

*Hugss* Ím sorry your struggling so much right now. Though from this or your last thread you went 6 weeks that desveres a pat on the back as its a long time to go without sh and proofs that you can do it. But recovery takes time hun.

I no you have tried alot of distractions but have you ever looked on the distractions board here? Or listen to your fave song ( Lloyd springs to mind along with joe lol) Or watching a film. Going to see some friends? Or talk to me?

Im ALWAYS here for you hun. Dont forget that , I am.

Your strong , you CAN get through this and also beat sh. I know you can .
Pm me whenever- email- text etc.

Love you claire xxx
lauren xx

Isoverity · 30-12-2009, 06:56 PM

Ok you don't need to stop yourself from having the horrible thoughts - what you need to do is to learn how to not over-react to them and struggle with them. Both of these things make the problems worse. You also don't want to struggle with symptoms of problems (which SI is) and not realise the root causes which are emotional in nature.

If you didn't have a lot of negative emotions built up there would be nothing to release. If you can learn to reduce those and/or keep them from controlling you then desire to SI (or smoke, drink, drugs etc) will reduce on it's own.

When your dad died were you angry with him? Were you angry with mum for his death? These kinds of things can seem like natural reactions but they are dangerous. Resenting dad and/or mum will turn back on you and create a real guilt and anxiety.

Add the upset of dad's death to other upsets and it will take less and less to get upset more and more until you become an extension of your thoughts and feelings and not vice versa. You can become an effect in your life and not a cause. Then you will hate yourself as well and fear stresses of life etc.

Oddly, the way to quit SI is to first stop trying so hard the wrong way (being upset and willfully struggling with the symptoms). I will write more latter.

confused.com · 30-12-2009, 08:33 PM

i want to say thanks to you all for replying it means so much

In answer to the fact of if i blame mum or dad for dads death the answer is no...I blame myself and others have blamed me too. my dad was an alcoholic and I wasnt able to stop him drinking. I was 15 when he died :(

makedamnsure · 30-12-2009, 09:55 PM

Blaming yourself is probably partly why you feel so bad. It was not your fault at all hun. It is never up to the child to solve the parents problems. Speak to your GP and they can probably arrange some counselling for you or something.

[Awakening] · 30-12-2009, 10:08 PM

I really think u need to ask ur gp to refer u to berevement (sp) counselling. My friend had it and it really helped her. Sorry many people live for so long without being able to grieve properly and yet its so vital. we suck at it in this in england, we really do. We fail people, especially young people. Please see ur gp x x x

Isoverity · 30-12-2009, 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claire_G

i want to say thanks to you all for replying it means so much

In answer to the fact of if i blame mum or dad for dads death the answer is no...I blame myself and others have blamed me too. my dad was an alcoholic and I wasnt able to stop him drinking. I was 15 when he died :(

When parents get divorced the children often think it's their fault. Of course it's not their fault but they hate the divorce and the problems that caused it. They will also be mad at their parents. It's the anger toward the problems and people that actually causes the sense of guilt - the kids just misinterpret it and assume they are guilty for the divorce.

The truth of your situation is that the only one who could have saved your dad from drinking was him. Hating what happened and hating yourself is the hot ember stuck in your psyche that makes the bad thoughts rise.

Surely you have noticed that when your upset you fall into a storm of thoughts that rise up and emotions brew. It's like a conductor falling into an orchestra - you get stuck in your own machinery.

A negative polarity makes the mind draw morbid thoughts like metal filings to a magnet. You can get so fixated on morbid things that you can't see the bright side of things anymore and feel a sense of futility and despair. This condition is unnatural thought and the mind lies. Your under assault from a kind of false self that exaggerates everything and makes you feel cut of from life etc.

This can be fixed more easily than you imagine. You only have to cross a line in your mind for the morbid thoughts to begin to breakdown. I'll come back to that part.