cheryl are ok you. first off how many times have you od'd now ? its not gartunteed plus the fact that your positing with maybes... its just temporary urges to do it, temporary feelings and temporary situations.
you can get through them
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
hi guys, sorry i wasn't around, been trying to be around the family, feeling bad about what ive been like etc, especially as a drunken hobbit (my brothers mate) was telling me how worried my bro has been (not sure how much the mate knew).
I got lots of lovely things xx to my family and boyf, and a little talk with my local landlady (and friend) about my ways also added to me thinking how people are noticing my norty ways :/
anyway ive been sat here thinking eww my hands are so dry, then realised why, purging *sigh* yet another sign its taking its toll recently.
anyway hope everyones ok, cheryl i agree its a good idea to get checked out hun, just to make sure. hope everyones made it through ok xxx
i got my liver checked and its normal i had tests done few weeks ago im made of stone apparently. thanks for the concern but im 2 embarrased and i dont want to have to explain myself and qrgue to keep me out of hospital cus thats the first thing they will say. got dbt tuesday my cpn still of sick i think so we will see how next few days go.
Ferretmonster - It must be very difficult to hear that things have been worrying other people. If possible, try not to feel too guilty about it. You can't go back and change the past and if you feel guilty then you will probably end up feeling worse and the negative behaviours could be intensified. Do you feel that you can use what you know now, in a positive way? Are your family and friends supportive?
Cheryl - I'm glad you had tests done a few weeks ago. It's still quite concerning though as you have OD'd since your liver test, it could be that your liver would now be struggling. I know a few years ago I was OD'ing very regularly and one week my liver was ok, and the next week I was having many problems with it. I don't say that to scare you, it's just I'd be really worried that you could experience problems. I can understand how you feel though, about going to hospital etc. Do you think an option could be to ring the out of hours GP and see if they can suggest anything? They may be able to take some blood tests themselves without you needing to go to Casualty etc.
I hope DBT will go ok for you. Do you have a secondary worker as your CPN is off sick?
xx
" my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints it was then that I carried you" you were carried out of are lifes into the next and when its my time to leave this life I know i will be carried into the next life with you.
I wish i had my world complete again.
'Can we protend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now' BoB
Hi tig, no the odd thing is, i know i should feel bad and im noticing side effects from my ED habits, dry hands, loss of hair, and some other possible things but i dont really know that i do care :/
anyway cheryl i agree with tig, you really should get another test love things change especially after another OD, xx
Hi guys. Sorry I haven't been here for a while, things have been really busy at home with family etc etc. I'm glad most people's Christmas' seem to have been bearable at least.
**Hugs for everyone**
Cheryl - if you can, I agree with the others, I think a test would be a good way to go, just in case. If it is fine, then at least you're sure but if it isn't then at least you can get some treatment etc for it? I understand how hard ti can be though. How are you feeling now?
Me - I've been purging again. Just for a couple of days. And not a lot. But it's still there. Mother told me I'd lost weight this morning. And it felt so good but then it just fuelled the purging later. Even though I don't purge a lot. I can't get my head in one behaviour or the other, good or bad, it just seems stuck in the middle :-s
ferret - the fact that you dont care about the physical signs plus that here are physical signs is so worrying.
last time i was like that i was so involved in it barely anything else mattered. please be careful.
ash - :) . i know that feeling, its not a lot, but as soon as someone makes a positive comment then it feels like a reward. but i promise you its not. try and get back outof it. i had to do it about a month or so back i know its hard but dont let it take over again
me - well i got my power trip last night. only to have worried my parents sick and lied my ass off about where i'd been.. gotta love that rush so im exstatic today because im in control and doing everything i shouldnt.. opps :)
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
Sarah (left in the centre, hope I've got the name right??) - I know how good that feeling of control feels, but it needs to be a positive control - a negative control is only going to provide negativity either now or later down the line. I know it's hard, but can you begin to cut back on the things you 'shouldn't' be doing? What kind of things are giving you these feelings? Maybe then we can help give you some ideas as to how to gain some positive control? Thank you for your reply. I know I need to be in the good behaviour, but a bit of me is pushing me into the bad behaviour, thinking of ways to carry on, to be thinner....
