I dont even know what i want to say, i ruined 2 months worth of hard work and im back where i started.
I want to die.
I want to stop feeling invisible to the people around me.
And i wish i was the person who could just take things, but i can't i'm so weak and finally i just want it all to stop.
I want to know who i am now.
And i want to stop blaming God for the things i F**ked up myself.
Why can't i just be happy?
why does my whole life feel like i'm waiting for something which isnt coming?
I'm just really upset right now,
~*~Sometimes we put up walls, not to keep people out - but to see who cares enough to break them down ~*~
To the people who have continually broken down my walls, thank you, you are real friends who i will never forget. xxx
*hugs you tight*
I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this. Slip ups are hard but they are not the end of the world. You are not back where you started. When you started, you had not gone two months before. One slip up does not mean that you are back into the same cycel. You can move on from this and continue to get better.
When you're feeling so low, it is inevitable that those feelings about everything else will transfer onto you and the image of you that you see will always have more faults than what anyone sees when they think of you. You're not weak. If you were weak then you would not have been able to go for two months.
You will feel happy one ay. One day things will be right for you and these feelings and emotions will not last forever. You might not be able to see a way out but I promise it is there. Suicide is not the answer to this. You can hold on and you can get through this but you need to keep fighting. We're all here for you. You can get through this. Take care of you.
*squishes* Firstly, you are way too hard on yourself missus! 2 months was fantastic. Spot the positives - you achieved 2 months self harm free. You have done this once, and you can do this again.
You must remember though, that slip ups happen. They aren't nice, they do cause loads of nasty feelings, like disappointment, anger, regret... But they're natural, you're human after all. Don't be so hard on yourself. Recognise your achievement, be proud of yourself for doing the best you could, and as soon as you can, move on. You can always always try again. There's loads of time to quit again, and you always have your number 1 support site right behind you when you are ready.
I've been in that dark place before, but I'll tell you now... Those dark thoughts and feelings go away after time. You can really surprise yourself sometimes. I never thought things would get better, but somehow they did. They can get better for you too.
Happiness doesn't come easy. Well, easier for some more than others. But if feeling sad is a regular thing, and you ever seriously consider suicide, I strongly suggest you to get professional help. A wee chat with your doctor could get you referred to a counsellor, which could help you loads. I recommend it, as many others do.
Stay safe hun. Things will get better, there are loads of good things to come. Look forward and hold on.
xo
I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad at the moment, although I hope things are slightly better by now. Slipping up feels absolutely awful, especially after such a long time, but as everyone else has said, you really do need to remember that it's a normal part of recovery. We've all been there, it's just one of those things. But it doesn't mean that you're back where you started. You still did amazingly well to go for two months, and you should be very proud of yourself. This doesn't change that fact, it doesn't erase all the progress that you've made. It's up to you where you go from here - you can give up and let a slip up beat you, or you can learn from it and continue with recovery. But you're not right back where you started, remember that.
You say that you want to die; do you think you might act on these feelings? I know it's horrible to feel the way you do now, and it seems like nothing is ever going to get better. But it can, and it will. Things change all the time, this won't always hurt so much. If you're feeling suicidal, I would really urge you to reach out to someone and let them know how bad you're feeling. Also, have a look at these posts, they make some good points: How Suicide Affects Those Around You and Feeling Suicidal? You'll get through this, please don't feel as though you have to consider suicide.
I understand what you mean about wishing you could just 'take things' but it doesn't work like that. No-one can be expected to cope perfectly with everything all the time, there's no shame in not being okay, or in needing to ask for help or support. I'm sure that you're not invisible to the people around you, although I know how you feel, and it's awful. What makes you think that you are? Is there anyone that you feel you could try talking to about how you're feeling; a friend, family member, even a counsellor or something? Sometimes you have to let people know that you're struggling, and it can be good to have some support.
Take care of yourself sweetheart. I'm here if you need someone to talk to or anything, anytime.
xox
I don't know about you, but I don't know many people who can just sit back and take everything that's thrown at them with no problem.. So you need not expect that of yourself.
You say that you "ruined" 2 months of hard work. You didn't ruin it. No matter what you've done now, the fact remains that you put in 2 months of hard work & achieved 2 months free.. And that's AWESOME! =]
Don't let the fact that you resorted back to it mean that you die.. Try and calm down sweetheart, you're worth more than that.
It can often feel like we're waiting for something in life, but it is coming. Keep making the effort to make it better & things'll get better one day.
