Triggering (Suicide) - suicidal ideation and new meds
i have apparently been mildly clinically depressed for a while but lately its been getting so out of hand. i feel alone and empty and just awful all the time. and i am used to being able to rationalize with myself and say it will get better and i have no reason to feel this alone and worthless, because i know i don't. but no matter how many times i say this and know it is true, it just doesn't change how i feel. i tell myself to just be happy but i can't. so in the past two weeks i have sort of just spiraled downwards.
i'm not suicidal and i have no plans or intentions, but i often just think "what if i was gone" or "what if this would all just disappear" and occasionally think "what if i killed myself". but i just don't even care enough to kill myself. even though i have no actual intent apparently this worried my therapist because it is still the beginning of suicidal ideation.
i have an appointment with a psychiatrist in the coming weeks to be put on anti-depressants.
last fall a family friend killed himself after being put on medication. i understand the whole...initially low mood, low energy. then on meds energy goes up first so you have the energy plus a low mood. so you finally have the energy to kill yourself......
i know nobody can give me a perfect yes or no answer, but is it possible that my suicidal ideation could increase to the point where i would truly want to commit suicide?
i really want medication because i am sick of feeling this bad. but i am worried about my initial reactions to the drugs.
I'm sorry that you've been feeling so bad. Unfortunately some antidepressants do increase suicidal ideation but there are many different types and if you are worried about this you can discuss it with your doctor. This would be something that your doctor would closely monitor anyway. Do you have any talking therapy? That might be another option if you aren't keen to go on antidepressants. Good luck with everything. Take care.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I agree with one-step-closer. It is true that some antidepressants can trigger suicidal thoughts, or give you enough energy to act on suicidal thoughts you already had, especially in young people.
I would advise you to discuss this with your psychiatrist or GP. It can also be helpful to write down and share with someone close to you a plan for what to do if you start feeling suicidal: telephone numbers of people to call - friends, mental health team, ministers of religion, A & E etc., self-soothing activities - what type of music, scented bath etc., anything you find helpful to read, smell, taste, hear etc. (back to my "Survival kit" again!
I hope you find that, with medication, things improve.
It's really the best idea to be closely monitored when starting medications, for the reason you mentioned. Also make sure you have an emergency number for you support team. And it needs to be available 24/7, so even if it's 2AM you have that contact.
Please be aware that antidepressants can increase suicidal behaviors, if this happens contact your psychiatrist IMMEDIATELY. There are different medications out there to try, don't feel that this is your only option. And don't give up on the first try. It took me a long time to find the right combination, but I'm so grateful I stayed and held on tight because now life is so much better, and the meds truly do work.
Yes, certain medications can increase suicidal ideation (in particular it was found seroxat (paxil) had this affect in under 18s) so it's important you are closely monitored when starting meds. Also if you start to notice you are having increased suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself you need to see your doctor or go to A&E asap.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
also, i do have a therapist, she is the one who recommended i see a psychiatrist. she has said that i possess almost all of the symptoms of depression so that should be enough to be prescribed medication. but i have also struggled with an ED for 2 years and SI for about a year. she said i wouldn't have to share these with him if i wasn't 100% ready to yet. if he asked i would tell but is there any problem with me just not putting that information out?
i am struggling with an ED. but i am of normal weight. i know some cause weight gain and frankly....that would be terrible because gaining weight is one of my biggest fears. i can't imagine how out of control i would feel if i was gaining weight. the depression and anxiety would just get so much worse.
so if i told him would he take this into consideration?
Honestly, no one can force you to gain weight unless you are a real danger to your health. Being a "normal" weight there would be no need for weight gain. Also, you may be referred to a dietitian so you can help get nutritional needs. Personally I found that no one could force weight gain, I was underweight for about 2 years, it was only when my weight dropped and caused health problems did come the force feeding. I'm now a normal weight and there's no need for more weight gain. My doctors are happy with it and they actually want me to stay the weight I am now, they would actually worry if I gained alot of weight. So that's just my experience. But if you're worried about meds causing weight gain, you can express this to him. There are some that are notorious for weight gain and some that remain weight neutral.
In regards to your SI, he will probably ask if you've ever harmed yourself. You can tell him then. But if you don't want to, you can say "I don't feel comfortable talking about it". It's hard thing to do, so it's only when you feel ready...build up the trust you need to, etc.
If you don't put it out you risk not getting the right treatment. There are meds out there that control obsessive thoughts, and EDs and SI sometimes are fueled by the obsessive-ness. I'm on an off-label med that works so well for my obsessive thoughts. It's really amazing, though hard to get prescribed.
Also, be HONEST when it comes to the suicidal ideation. That's one thing you have to do. If you end up in a hospital for a suicide attempt you will most likely be hopitalzed just for the fact that your pdoc didn't know. If you tell him you may get out of a hospital stay (depends on the severity of the attempt). I've gotten out of many hospital stays just for the fact that I have an emergency plan set in place for when something happens.
There is a possibility that medication could make you feel so bad that you truly want to commit suicide, yes. It's unlikely but still possible. Maybe you could ask for a short inpatient admission until you stabilise on the medication so that you are kept safe meanwhile?
Regarding the weight gain, if you explain your fears to the doc about weight gain, then yes they should take this into consideration when prescribing.
I hope you manage to sort out a treatment programme that benefits you well :)
Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want?
the idea of having a plan ready is quite helpful. although i might not feel comfortable talking to my parents about it....(they don't actually know i have had ANY suicidal ideas. they were shocked when my therapist recommended i see a psychiatrist. i guess they just think i talk about shallow feelings with her)....but i have a few friends i am with a lot who would be willing to help.
