I have this very noticeable red scar on my arm and I want to wear shortsleeves, especially over the Christmas holidays when I will have to wear dresses. I have one long-sleeved dress but I can't keep wearing it... I don't want people to judge or stare or ask any questions whatsoever or point it out to me or point it out to anyone else or anything like that. I don't want them to notice but that is impossible. People will ask how I did it and I don't know what to do. Do you have any advice about this? It would also ruin my day/night doing whatever I might be doing and it would make me worse. I'm just really worried about it. I don't want people to change their opinion about me and not want to talk to me, get to know me or be friends with me any more. I know that this might seem like I'm overreacting but I really think some people could/would react like this. So some people will probably be turned away from me but what can I do to help it and what do I say when I get asked? No one would ever suspect me to do anything like this and they may even make a joke about it being self-harm thinking that it would no way be self-harm. I wouldn't know what to say. So any ideas/advice please?
Sorry I have a few threads here at the minute. I must seem quite needy, selfish and pathetic. Please don't say I'm not and I'm not gagging for attention by saying this, just showing that I already know I am being annoying and selfish etc.
Maybe you could use some cover-up/foundation stuff? I do that sometimes when I want to keep some of my bad scars covered, and it usually goes unnoticed, depending how bad the scar is. Maybe make a story up about how it happened, and stick to it. OR - you could just say it's a scar from a long time ago...can't even remember how it happened, or something like that.
People have jokingly said things like "oh, are you a cutter now?" and crap like that, and yeah, it makes me mad, but I know that if I chortle and say "oh yeah, totally" in a sarcastic tone they will usually leave it alone. You don't owe it to ANYONE to have to explain why it happened, so if you don't feel comfortable lying, make a joke of it and move on.
Ugh, I know these fears all too well...and it sucks Wish I had more advice to give. Good luck!
-Alicia
Just what am I supposed to say?
And tell you why I turned out this way?
Don't make me. Don't make me.
I agree you just need to think of something to say before hand so that IF the questions come, you have a story/excuse and just stick to it. Make up and stuff could also work.
I find people notice my scars if I notice them/am aware of them. Luckly my scars aren't bad/that noticable. But I do have one scar which is quiet bad (although it wasn't through SI-though it looks it, in the place it is) And I notice that one quiet alot and I dread people thinking it's SI when it wasn't!
Another thing I'd say is try to be confident when in the short sleeves..people are less likely to say anything then..But to be honest, if your partying and stuff people will probably be to wrapped up in themseleves to notice any scars.
Good luck and have a fun time!
Life can be beautiful if you let it.
Step back, breathe and take it in
I have a large red one on my right arm, too. It's ridiculously noticeable but most people don't ever say anything about it - as Leigh said, people can often be very self involved, or sometimes don't want to ask if they can assume the answer themselves.
Occasionally I say mine is a work accident, as I work with ovens and slicers and I say it is a burn from work. It gets people quiet. But that's only when it's been mentioned to me once over the years... (by a girl at work, ha)
Otherwise, you could wear some sort of cardigan over a dress "in case it gets cold"? Or if you're so inclined, wristbands up a bit higher (depending on the position of the scar).
Ultimately though, just try and be confident.... a scar doesn't make you any less of a person, and if anyone is willing to judge you that way, they're not worth it.
xx
Yeah. I agree! When I feel confident and don't worry about my scars people don't seem to notice as much, or if they do, they don't give me funny looks or say anything. If I see someone looking, I find it best to not pull away or cover the scars, because that looks suspicious. Just kind of, shrug it off and start talking about something to take their minds off it.
Like magic said, if you're going to be at a party or something, people probably won't have the chance to see/worry about that sort of thing anyway.
Just what am I supposed to say?
And tell you why I turned out this way?
Don't make me. Don't make me.
Thank you everyone for your replies. They are all really supportive and helpful and have made me feel more comfortable about people seeing it. I don't want to put make-up on it though as I hate touching it and it feels weird and it's like indented and a bit bumpy if you get me so not sure what sort of cover-up effect make-up would have on it but I could try it pout before - thanks! It's just I'm not sure what to make up as most people I will be with will notice that it wasn't there before. But I did think I could say it ripped when I was climbing over a barbed wire fence (I live in the country so it's quite possible). But because it's a lie it seems easy to see through because I know it's not true so I'm not sure how convincing that is?! And yeah laughing off jokes would definitely be the best thing. I've had to do that a bit before if cutting/emo stereotyping or that sort of thing comes up in conversation. I just haven't had this problem until now so guess I'm just expecting the worst when from what you (everyone) has said it seems like it's actually OK.
I usually just say long story and most people don't inquire further. Once I was feeling quite cheeky and told someone that I got my scars fighting a fire-breathing dragon (I had some burn scars). I typically just stick with long story and most people will leave it alone. But like others said, many people won't say anything at all.
"Hold fast to dreams for when dreams die
Life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly
Hold fast to dreams for when dreams go
Life is a barren field frozen with snow"
I don't bother covering up anymore. And mine are all very very obvious. Straight, evenly spaced etc. No one mentions it. On the other hand they're all just strangers so they've no right to, nor would I care if they did.
Cutting has a huge stigma, and people aren't going to get over that stigma until they're exposed to the truth. In my opinion act like yourself and ignore your scar/s. Chances are eventually they'll do the same. And if they leave you over it then they're just not worth it to be honest.
"Watch me fault her "you're living like a disaster". She said "kill me faster", with strawberry gashes all over"
I was asked about my scars once (about a year ago before I relapsed) by someone. They wanted to know 'what they were'. I just said that they were some scars. Conversation ended.
Rather awkward, but she didn't ask anymore.
No one else has ever asked about scars when I've worn short sleeves. Maybe because it's obvious they are from SI? People feel awkward about things like that and don't want to get involved in whatever caused them.
Try not to let it bother you. Scars are there and life will go on. Brush off any comments if you can, try to make out it isn't a big deal ("Oh, that? It's just an old scar.") and hopefully everyone else will decide to just accept it.
If anyone does try to push you into explaining it, you could try saying you don't want to talk about it? Or it's Christmas, let's not worry about it now?
Good luck. -hugs-
Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future
that year by year recedes before us.
It eluded us then, but that's no matter - tomorrow we
will run faster, stretch out our arms further...
And one fine morning - So we beat on, boats against the current,
borne back ceaselessly into the past.
Thanks for your advice guys :). I was also thinking today that I could put a plaster over this really obvious one maybe, and just say I grazed myself by accident of something. Feeling a lot more comfortable about wearing shortsleeves now.
Wish I had more advice to give. Good luck!
