Triggering (Suicide) - A question about a "goodbye note"
I wrote a goodbye note. It's "just in case". I don't have a plan, or should I say a detailed written out plan. Does it count if I constantly think how I'll die? I hope not. I recorded a video of myself reading the note so people can see me one last time. Anyway...I'm, uh, wondering, does this make me farther gone than I think I am? What does it mean...and more importantly...what do I do? I'm under, obviously, alot of stress and this just felt like the logical thing to do (write a note, record a video). I don't know what to do.
It sounds like you feel in two minds about this. Wanting an 'escape route', but terrified of things it implies.
One part of your mind sees suicide as the logical answer to overwhelming stress. The logical answer to another part of your mind might be to seek support and help in managing all that you're coping with.
I want it done. I want it over. Stress is just too much. I feel like I'm a burden to everyone, and that no one really wants to hear what I have to say. I don't want bother them with my sillyness.
Part of me wants to scream at someone and tell them how I feel. Even if it's a random person...or just scream in down a hall...or whatever.
My mother left me a voicemail. She said not to call her. WHY would would tell that to someone who's depressed, off their meds, and on the edge of completely losing it? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! But she did it.
I also don't want to cause everyone to panic. Send me off to the ER for a "behavioral health evaluation". THAT DOES NOTHING! You waste over 8 hours there and you get no where. Except being watched by a security and invaded by a nurse looking for "hidden" cuts. They don't do anything there. You talk to someone sure, but 95% of it is history not how you're actually feel. USELESS! Then they send you home with discharge instructions to follow up with your regular therapist and/or psychiatrist. THANKS for that. That gets you NO WHERE! So I'm not about to go to the ER any time soon...which is what alot of people, if I tell them, will insist I go. NO, I will not go!
It was mine. I two manic episodes in the last month which were both caused by me not taking my meds. I started taking them again but they made me feel tried and such. I stopped. I was warned about becoming depressed, my therapist flat out told me I would.
At this point...I'm not sure what to do anymore. I'm so sick of feeling like this.
I have been to my psychiatrist and regular doctor. I told them both I was suicidal. They did nothing except tell me to take my meds. So I did (had a reaction with them yesterday though). Except now I feel energetic and suicidal! This is such a bad combination. I couldn't even promise my regular doctor that I would keep myself safe, I flat out said that. She didn't do anything! I don't know what I expect she would do...I'm so confused.
sounds like your good bye note is you crying for the attention and love support and care you need,yet you feel like it would also be a burnden to leave your loved ones like that.
Maybe try a new doctor or find some one you can talk too.
there is always some one whom loves you,unfortanlly we have to find them and seek them out,setting your energy out on that will set your mind to stay on the one thing,you said your energetic,why not create something beauitfull with it.(like art music a poem?)
blessings Angelite
