Triggering (SI/OD) - Epic Fail.....

[loo-loo]

I've just thrown 3 months hard work away, and cut just like that. No thought to what it will do. It hasn't made me feel any better, and now i just want to OD, but majorly so i die. God im sooo screwed up right now.
I'm meant to be doing my uni assaignments but I can't see the point when I don't want to be alive by the submission date. But what if it goes wrong and I am alive and haven't done the work and fail??
Ohhh I can't do this nomore
Sorry don't really know what I want from this....

[Tig]

Hey Honey,

Sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment.

Firstly - you haven't thrown away three months. Even if you have self harmed now, it still doesn't take away the three months that you were free for. Having a break from self harm will have given your body a chance to recover a bit and to heal, so the months aren't wasted. Also, just because you have self harmed now doesn't mean that you aren't able to quit, you could view it as a slip up and continue to count the time free. Or, if you feel you need to continue self harming then it is still a goal you could have for the future - perhaps next time you could reach 3 months and 1 week free. Giving up self harm is a slow process, in fact giving up anything is hard - if you think of smokers, they often slip up and have one cigarette but it doesn't mean they are back at the start.

You said that self harm didn't help you. Do you think the same could be said for taking an OD? The likelihood is if you took an OD you would feel worse, because you would have to deal with the physical symptoms of the OD as well as the emotional things.

If you were to die then you would be missing out on so much, not least the chance to recover which I believe you can do :)

Maybe you could take a break from doing your university assignment for a short time but make a plan to start it again, say Monday, and set yourself small goals so that you have completed your university assignment by the date set. I know you don't want to be alive by then but I agree that you need to do the work just in case you are alive, and I truly hope you will be alive. I can relate though to not seeing the point in doings things and thinking "Well I'll be dead by then anyway" but you just never know.

Is there something in particular that is making it difficult for you at the moment? What can't you face anymore?

I can relate to a lot of what you wrote and I hope you haven't found my reply patronising. If you ever want to chat, feel free to PM me.

Lotti xx

[Katiee]

Sweetie, I'm sorry you're struggling right now. *huggles*
Do you have someone you could discuss how you're feeling with?
Well done on three months, hun. It's okay, it's just a slip up. Everyone has them - you're not a failure. *hugs* I'm here if you need me. xo.

[loo-loo]

thanks for your reply Lottie.
theres nothing in particular thats set it off just generally feeling really suicidal at the moment for no reason.
i just felt for the first time very alone, none of my support network seemed to care and I know thats just how i percieve it but that is how it felt which made it worse.
I did take a teeney overdose at the time in an attempt to sleep and forget but it didnt do anything at all.
I just want it all to go away, and for my biggest worry to be my uni work like everyone else instead of it being my hate of life.
sorry rant over!!
Livvi xx

[DthCab4Cutie94]

Things will get better for you.

Livi<3

[loo-loo]

just think today may be the end of me.....

[DthCab4Cutie94]

Never say that.
Your strong!
You can make it no mater what:)

[loo-loo]

i thought I could, i wish i could, but i don't think i can.
I'm tired and as is my head.
I just feel completly defeated by it all at the moment and haven't got the guts to tell anyone tonight. :(

[DthCab4Cutie94]

Please dont give up!
Were all here for you and will always be here. no matter what!
Your a tough cookie:)

PM me if you need to:)