My Mum and Dad searched my room and read my diary when I was showing "warning signs" of being unwell etc...
I was fuming.
But now, looking back, if I was them, and it was my child, I would do the same... They never took my "tools" and they gave me the diary back, and offered support.
I hate them raiding my room, and they do it still but only very occasionally, when I am really unwell... and it makes me angry, but I can understand.
~Beauty without intellence, is a materpiece painted on a napkin.~
It's not to be nosy. Personally, while I would be pissed at the time, it's a sign they care. I'd support an invasion of privacy to save a life.
But in the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you'll get through this too.
When I was at school, two of my best friend's were really worried about me so they went to their head of year. He made them tell him who I was and he and another teacher later took me out of class and asked me to show them my arms. They then rang my mum and I was made to go and see the school councellor. At the time, I was absolutely fuming, but now I think about it and realise how priviledged I am to have friends that care that much about me. I still wish that my teacher hadn't called my mum, but I think having people like parents/teachers involved made it seem a lot more real and made me realise that it actually is a problem.
So I guess I think that if the people involved are invading your privacy because they are worried or they want to help you, then you should feel loved, not pissed off. However, if they're doing it just to be nosy, then... that's a bit **** really.
We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.
I don't like it when my parents do things like that. My mum tends to... Gossip... So it ends up that everyone knows, and I hate that. People treat me differently when they know, so... But... I know that they do it because they try to help me...
I think it's a little OTT when she barges into my room because the door's shut though... It doesn't ALWAYS mean I'm doing something... I COULD just be getting changed...
personally i would be really pee'd off if someone went through my stuff parents/ friends etc, but i can see how it could be a positive thing.
But i would hate it.
I hate it....i wish they would not do this because every time they're worried about me they go through my stuff and when I cut they threaten to send me to a group home. They arent f-in supportive at all....especially my mother...she thinks I want attention....and I cry and tell her I dont....cuz I dont...i like it but I dont like it....
From my parents.
Well, they don't really give a sh*t about me. I was an accident, and I'm already a freak child. Meh. I don't want them in my stuff. They don't want to help (my mom knows. I don't hide scars)
I'd be really. really upset. Mainly because they'd make it worse, it's how they are.
If one of my friends found out, and was willing to be supportive. I might be upset a little, but more likley to accept the help
Hmm interesting question...
I would hope that before my fam and that invaded my privacy when they found out or were concerned about me, they would come to me first and talk to me about their concerns - that way I would be more likely talk to them about it in a calmer way than if they were just to storm into my room and go through my things. Because I really don't think that's effective for anyone - creates more problems and frustration for all involved. If my family was to invade my privacy and take my tools I know this would piss me off even more and want me to SH more! There are other effective ways to approach someone you are concerned about than just invading their privacy.
I think sometimes when people invade your privacy, I know that they're trying to help but I don't know that it always does help. Like I consider it an invasion of privacy that when I was in school and the teachers first found out about my self-harming, lots of them asked to see my arms. Why in heaven's name would they want to see my arms? To check if I was doing it properly?! I wish I'd known that I could have said 'no' without getting into trouble.
I think that usually they are trying to help but it's not usually for the best and just makes you more paranoid and anxious. Still in the majority of cases - no harm done? xx
It is a very interesting question - and a need for balance i think?
People tend t invade ones privacy when they care and are trying to do their best, or are scared, or you really need intervention.
I think if you can create a dialogue with the person, a balance between you having privacy, and you being taken care of and supported, can be found.
Cos sometimes we can't always ask for help when we need it and we need someone to invade our privacy in order to support us.
I can't even put a plaster on myself or manage any sort of self care, if someone didn't invade my privacy sometimes I don't know where i'd be...
NO!
I don't think anyone has the right to search you room without permission I would rather my mum do it in front of me then sneak behind my back though.
"I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence. The quiet scares me because it screams the truth. Please don't tell me we had that conversation; I won't remember, save your breath cos whats the use?"
A couple years ago in school, I took a blade out of my bag and put it in my pocket and headed for the bathroom. One of my friends saw me (he didn't see the blade, but he saw me acting kinda shifty and he was suspicious), and him and two others (all of whom knew about my self-harm beforehand) pretty much assaulted me - two restrained me and one went through my pockets. They found the blade.
I was furious at the time, but I've forgiven them because I know they were worried.
Still, I don't think they had any right to do it, (***DISCLAIMER - I AM NOT ENCOURAGING SELF-HARM OR SAYING IT'S OKAY***) because I feel like if I want to cut, I have a right to. Maybe I'm wrong about that. Maybe I feel that way because I've gotten so used to self-harm. But I do feel that a line has to be drawn somewhere. People can worry all they like, and they can tell me do do pretty much whatever the hell they want to, but unless I'm literally standing on the edge of a rooftop saying "I'm going to jump", I don't think anyone has a right to physically stop me from doing something.
Nor do I believe my mother has any right to search my room. She's well aware of my self-harm, we've had long discussions about it in the past (and I don't mean arguments, I mean actual discussions - I'm lucky enough to have a parent who genuinely wants to understand what I'm going through), so as far as I'm concerned, if she wants to know if I've self-harmed recently, she can ask me. She may or may not get a straight answer, but that's hardly the point. She has no right to deny me my privacy.
(***DISCLAIMER - I AM NOT ENCOURAGING SELF-HARM OR SAYING IT'S OKAY***) because I feel like if I want to cut, I have a right to. Maybe I'm wrong about that. Maybe I feel that way because I've gotten so used to self-harm. But I do feel that a line has to be drawn somewhere.....
so as far as I'm concerned, if she wants to know if I've self-harmed recently, she can ask me. She may or may not get a straight answer, but that's hardly the point. She has no right to deny me my privacy.
Yep you make some points Everybody's Grudge that I can relate to... I also believe that forcing someone to stop and invading privacy are not answers to making some stop. What can be effective for a SH'er however if feeling as though people are trying to understand and support them in a way that they makes them feel comfortable. Communication is key!
To be honest i dont think its right , and I hated it when my mum changed my bed sheets and 'found' my diary, because everything came out , but less about that. My parents hardly ever search my room. But when they found my diary it made me and my sh worse.
When I was younger I know for a fact that my parents used to go through my room and my bag and stuff, and I know as well that they used to find stuff, because mysteriously blades, lighters and whatever would disappear. They never, however confronted me about it, and I would never have had the guts to go and ask for my tools back. So it made it really awful in an "I know that they know" and "they know that I know they know" kind of way.
Initially the whole SI thing came out when I was in school, and I fully believed that my teachers hadn't said anything to my parents, but looking back they blatently had.
Now I live away from home, I feel I have less to be worried about, I know that if I seem to be getting ill again or whatever that my parents will go through my stuff, but at the end of the day I'm 20 now, and so there's not really anything they can do.
My mum's never been good at the whole privacy thing, and still gets upset if she knows I've SI'd but we never ever talk about it, so I think that forever we will have a slight awkwardness, rather than outright arguments.
Basically, I know that people have/do invade my privacy, and I don't like it, but I really think it helps my parents in a weird way.
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Make us all feel wonderful. We'll never forget."
"I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence. The quiet scares me because it screams the truth. Please don't tell me we had that conversation; I won't remember, save your breath cos whats the use?"
