i dont knwo if its just me or if any of you guys also do it but whenever i see someones arms-legs i always find myslef loking for marks and scars on them.
i was doin my usual body checks the other day when i notcied that one of the guys i knwo has marks on the tops of his arms that are exactly the same as when i cut. now evevrytime i see him i cant help but stare at them and see if anymore have been added since i last saw him. i think he noticed me looking the other day and gave me a really funny look.
i really wanna talk to him about it just t let him know that i know what hes goin through and that i am here for him if he needs me but i have no idea how i would start a converstaion like that. do you think i should ask him about it. i dont want him to think that im trying to interfer, i just want to let him know that hes not alone.
no honey - its not just you - i find myself doing it ALL the time.... ive seen many people with marks and just wonder what if.... i pluck up the courage and ask about it when its someone close to me.
i think if you bring it up and even just mention that you are there for him if he ever needs anything then he will rely on you if he needs it.
I don't think it'd be bad to just ask him if it's from self harm (you don't want to assume) as you have trouble with that. If he says it is, just let him know you're there for him. More than likely he'll appreciate the gesture and perhaps you'll have made a close friend that can help you and you can help in return.
The question you raised comes up from time to time here, that someone was looking at another person for evidence of SI (I would probably say a large percentage of the people who SI/have SIed in the past look for it on others -- a way to maybe feel less alone?), saw scars or cuts, and wondered if they should say anything. And I have gone both ways. I have seen cuts on a person, and wanted to say something to her, but I didn't. And I don't think I ever would say something to someone, because I think that if someone said something to me, even if it was supportive, I would feel really uncomfortable. Although I don't hide areas of my body that have scars on them, I don't really expect people to notice, or I hope that they don't notice (even though it is pretty obvious), and if someone did notice and said something to me that would just tear apart the confidence that it took me to not cover myself up in the first place.
So I am sure this babble was unhelpful, but all I am trying to say is that the other person may not want the attention called to their scars/cuts in the first place, even if it is meant to be positive and helpful.
I know exactly what you mean, i look at peoples arms and stuff all the time to see if they are doing the same, but at times I think if its just me that does it and that upsets me.
I think that you should ask him, just say something like, "Can I ask you a question?" and go from there. If he is a good friend he will understand and talk to you. You won't lose anything and at least you will know that you tried.
If you need to talk PM me im always here
xx
Turn your wounds into wisdom.. ♥ Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing! ♥
I didn't read all the replies because I'm so tired, but ya know. My opinion is, if he is, think of the good it will do for him to have someone he can talk to. if not, sure, it will be awkward, but IMO, it would be worth it.
But in the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you'll get through this too.
Maybe you shouldn't ask necessarily if they are from self harm, but just ask what they are from. That way you won't be embarrassed if you are wrong, and he has the freedom to direct the conversation where ever. Just a thought.
I'm with Isaiah61 on this one - I think if you are going to say anything - make it general so that if he feels awkward he can deflect.
He might surprise you and come right out with it.
