Sorry I'm not around much. Had my TC today. Crisis team called around 5 and I said I didn't want to speak to them and to cancel my appt tomorrow, I don't want to waste more of their time. They are going to contact my SW tomorrow.
Feel really low. Cut earlier but now feel the urges to cut again.
I want out.
Hugs to all and sorry for not being more useful.
xxx
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
I gambled 2 bets, both fukked by 1 result. I went to GA tonight, said I had no gambling to report and now im home and im lost and now im losing everything.
I can't do this no more, my cpn thinks im fine, so im fine, i dont care right now, i really really dont, i plan to od tonight and cut, i cant take this no more but its fine, coz im fine
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
Ive just been diagnosed with "emotionally unstable personality traits" but dont meet the criteria for the full disorder, my symptoms are also kinda close to rapid cycling bipolar but dont meet the criteria for that either *sigh*
it came as a bit of a shock cos noone ever suggested that before, but looking back on things it makes sense given my feelings and behaviour etc..
"just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it turned into a beautiful butterfly..."
im so unpredictable.
im lying to my flatmates to make myself more exciting.. i like getting lost in the make believe me... its better than reality.
hollz- by going to GA and saying you didnt gamble.. its not helping you its better to try and be honest with them. your Sw doesnt know your not ok. its up to you to tell them.
carrie - i understand not liking the crisis team but they are there for a reason. don isolate yourself off from everyone
sunshine - i know not having a diagnosis can be frustrating but as long as you get the right help thats what counts
ferret - its frustrating when you cant sleep can you take it to the vet or something to put your mind at rest
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
hollz hope u managed to get help last night. x
carrie hope u can reach out for the support u been offered.
me well im sick and tired of my huge reactions to smallish situations. does anyone else get like this. im scaring me because my reactions are getting larger and larger. im becoming more and more secretive about how im reacting to things.
Hey Sammi,
Sorry to hear your parents make a joke out of BPD. Is it possible they do this because they don't understand it, so rather than ask for help they just make light of a serious situation?
It must be very difficult for you hun and it's understandable you would want to run away but I don't think that's a good idea. It won't achieve anything except to put you in a dangerous situation.
Is there any friends you could stay with for a couple of nights to take the pressure off being at home?
Also, have your parents had any 'education' on BPD?
xx
Things could still go either way, I really don't know at the moment.
(((Hugs))) to everyone xxxxxxxx
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
I don't really know what I am feeling lately.
It's hard to be normal.Or what is seen as normal.I feel like I am wearing a mask.
I told Darren that I needed help,that I needed to talk to someone...and now I feel so stupid for opening my ****ing mouth.I'm so stupid for saying anything.
All is full of love : you just ain't receiving All is full of love : your phone is off the hook All is full of love : your doors are all shut
Sorry, still feeling shitty but I am thinking of you all.
Got a letter from the DLA peeps today saying they have asked my consultant for a report and I am worried because there is a locum at the moment who knows nothing about me. I really need some extra money as I am on SSP at the moment, which barely covers my rent and nothing else.
Not heard from my SW about me discharging myself from the crisis team so she can't have been that bothered/concerned.
I don't know how to get out of this low or if I will. I need to cut again.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
