Cyclothymic but ups and downs seem to be together

[fadesthesun]

i don't feel suicidal nor do i feel like harming myself.
i just keep feeling really panicky. then i feel deflated and now i feel flat and miserable. i want to cry but i cant.
but i feel hopeful and there's all these things i have to do but i'm not sure what they are or when to do them or what order to do them in.
i'm always hungry and i eat all the time because there's nothing else to do. i cant concentrate on anything else and its the only thing that makes me feel satisfied. i've put on so much weight.
i'm so irritable.
i worked hard today, but i've barely written anything in weeks, and nothing i have written is of a reasonable standard, but i'm full of all these ideas and lines and poetry but i either cant express them or i cant be bothered to write them down. i feel empty but i've got things in my life and i like these things.
i don't know what i want to do.
i've been like this for weeks.

[TinkerDebs]

it almost seems like a block between whats real and whats not!
like you know all these things and fail to do them as if there is an invisible wall there preventing you
im sure alot of those feelings are signs of depression - do you have it? if so it may be playing up and causing all this confusion with the conflicting feelings and reality
*hugs*

[fadesthesun]

cheers doll. *hugs back* i was diagnosed cyclothymic last year, but these symptoms dont really sound like cyclothymia and i've never had them before which is why i'm confused (which is not good haha i'm confused enough as it is.) just wondered if anyone experienced similar things, because i googled symptoms and i couldnt find much that i didnt already know

[TinkerDebs]

well i get some of them when my depression goes awol on me!
i also tend to get the feeling of emptiness even though i know my lifes not
i think its justt where i disconnect from living for a bit and never quiote come back lol
*cuddles*

[fadesthesun]

you just summed it up completely. i also feel disconnected. its like i'm stuck with me in all this confusion and ideas and energy with no motivation. *returns cuddle*

[TinkerDebs]

*squishes*
that sucks
i'm not sure how to suggest reconnecting lol
i tend to reach a point where i get fed up of being disconnected - like i guess its when i've rechargwed myself
and remotivated myself