I think that you are really the only one who can decide how badly, if at all, you slip up. No one said that recovery would be easy, it usually doesn't happen on your first try. A lot of times, you need to cut back slowly. Look at people who smoke, no one expects them to stop all at once, cold turkey. Why? Because they've develop an addiction to it, one that is very hard to break. They need to slowly cut back more and more so their body doesn't feel as much of a need for it.
That being said, you said you were having very strong urges, right? I've done what you did before, many times. Every time I felt like it prevented something "worse" from happening. Is that the case with you? If doing one 'bad' thing prevents a worse 'bad' thing, is the original all that 'bad'? Hard question to answer, huh?
If this helped you from doing something worse, if this helped you to avoid the urges and get a step closer to being fully recovered, then maybe it's not such a bad thing. I'm not saying it's a good thing to be doing, but everyone says that snapping a rubber band around your wrist or arefully squeezing ice is a good way of getting away from cutting, and that's just as much self-ham as anything else.
You didn't do anything horrible. You found a way to cope. Be careful with what you chose to do and reach out when you feel safe. I'm always around to talk if you ever need to. Sometimes getting professional help is the way to go. It's good that you are looking at it from the recovery side though.
Please be safe.
And like I said, if you ever need to talk, I'm here.
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