Triggering (SI) - I was wrong, I beg for help and sanity.
I said earlier today I didn't need help. I hate asking for it. That is a trait of a self harmer I think, we hate asking for help but we beg for it at the same time.
I am on the verge. I can see the horizon ahead of me and it is full of blood. I can see the blades sitting on my bed begging me to touch them to my skin. They want me to bleed and bleed to create art on my body. But that is destruction. It is paradise for a brief moment in time and then suddenly your world is filled with darkness again.
I unwittingly refuse to go back there. I should cherish life. The world is beautiful, why should I, in all my insignificance, make the world ugly?
Self-obsession is the route of my unhappiness. I know this. I want you to care for me, to worry about me, to save my life. I want you to hold me and force my mouth to curl upwards; to smile. I want everything I cannot have. And because I know I cannot have you I want to destroy everything around me so that I only have myself to blame and I can ponder my mistakes and make the same ones again and again until nothing is left.
Last edited by FallingBlueEyes : 11-08-2009 at 12:13 AM.
Reason: I forgot to add a label
It's tragic; you tried to cut yourself in half,
But this isn't magic; in fact it's something much more dark, or more dramatic
Self harm, that’s what they call it.
'Cause it just affects you.
It's your life, your body, so you can choose what you do,
And if one day you can't rein it in,
and of your last breath you are the only witness,
Then so be it, cause it’s your last breath,
and it's nobody else’s business.
keep talking to us chick...you can beat this, we all can!
whats making you feel this way? do you have a psych you can talk to?
you're in my thoughts, meg x
Only a boy. A boy who unlocked my mind to the world of existance and shattered my world in the same instance.
It's tragic; you tried to cut yourself in half,
But this isn't magic; in fact it's something much more dark, or more dramatic
Self harm, that’s what they call it.
'Cause it just affects you.
It's your life, your body, so you can choose what you do,
And if one day you can't rein it in,
and of your last breath you are the only witness,
Then so be it, cause it’s your last breath,
and it's nobody else’s business.
Im sorry to hear you're in a bad place right now.
Im rubbish at advice but i just want you to know that im here for you and you can pm me at anytime, night or day and i will get back to you asap meg x
hey, asking for help is part of what this whole site is about, and sometimes giving advice to other people can help you figure out stuff about yourself, cause you can see more objectively. So don't feel bad for asking for help.
*hugs, lots of them* sorry I don't have advice here, bad me :(
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Thank you! I'm sure I'll be fine. I am going to enjoy a day of reading and writing to take my mind of everything. x
It's tragic; you tried to cut yourself in half,
But this isn't magic; in fact it's something much more dark, or more dramatic
Self harm, that’s what they call it.
'Cause it just affects you.
It's your life, your body, so you can choose what you do,
And if one day you can't rein it in,
and of your last breath you are the only witness,
Then so be it, cause it’s your last breath,
and it's nobody else’s business.
