Triggering (SI) - not sure

[CloudsHaveSilveLlinnings]

i was unsure what to label it so i guessed . . better to be safe than sorry. . .

ive now gone about 4 weeks without cutting . . im on school holiday.
im struggling because there was this girl who i trusted with everything about this . . .or at least i tried as hard as i could to tell her everything but she's left now (she was in upper 6th) i went to her usually afterwards and tried to talk to her. . . but she was the first perosn i told about my problems and stuff (before i started self harming) so i truely trusted her.

my housemistress found out somehow about what i had done to myself . . this was the third time id been pulled in . . . she'd realsied something was wrong when my friends had gone to her worried about me (they didnt know the truth of it) soshe askedme if anything was wrong and i was like no im fine . . i could feel the scars and cuts burning like fire. screaming to be noticed but i ignored them anyway she let me go saying she was there for me if i needed it. . . anyway 2 weeks later i got called in and she was like alys i have to ask you are you harming yourself?? and i was silent, i didnt want to lie but i couldnt own up to it . . . she said from your silence i take it as a yes anyway the convo went on and she said she was going to have to call my parents and i had to see the school counceller. . . i went to the school counceller and took the friend in upper sixth with me because i needed the support. id already been sent to the counceller but i let nothing out and she had told my hoursemistress this so i felt i couldnt rtust her. . . anyway i found out the person who told my housemistress the true extent was my friend in upper sixth . . i felt lost when i found this out and it turns out many of my friends knew it was her. . . because of the 'seriousness' all the borders were told about it so now many people know.

im struggling because i feel like ive been betrayed. . i want to talk to her like she said i could (she said email her) but she hasnt replied for ages so i think ive pushed her away again like i must have done for her to go to the housemistress. ifeel like ive failed everyone and all i do is disappoint. . .i dont want to selfharm again .. it was going well but all i can think about is that at the moment. . nothing else. .. my friend told me i could talk to her but she has bulima and is really struggling right now so i feel like ive got to help her. . but i cant. . and she is like u can talk to me but what if i cause her to relapse again? i couldnt live with myself . . she is like the sister i never had.

my parents knowing hasnt helped i love my mum but it makes me feel so guilty because she thinks i do it to hurt her . . .but i dont.

my brothers dont know but im not going to tell them it would dissapoint them way too much.

people always leave x

[PassedExpectations]

All that really sucks, you should have had the right to decide who to tell, they shouldn't have announced it out like that, but whats done is done and you can't change it.

And I think that your freind was just trying to help, maybe she felt like she couldn't keep you safe, and that you were going to go too far, so she got someone else to step in.

You haven't failed everyone, thats impossible, though hard to beleive.

*hugs* and feel free to talk

[CloudsHaveSilveLlinnings]

thanks. . . i know she meant well and in a way i owe her alot because i doubt i would have stopped without her help . . its the fact that it was another friend of mine that told me who told and it turns out so many epople know it was her who told. . i just wish she had told me herself . . . she doesnt know i know that it was her . .i dont know if i should tell her. i tried emailing her and at first she replied but now she doesnt. i dont want to push it i think i should just accept she has her own life and shouldnt worry about my problems.

i just dont know anymore x

[Breifly_Tragic </3]

I'm sorry to hear about this.
It's always horrible when someone you trust kinda outs you like that..but alot of the time they do it out of love && care. And stuff like that just tends tpo spread. When I started going to my high school counsellor it spread like wildfire why I was going when one person outside my group found out.

It sounds like you've been doing really well trying to stop and you should be really proud of that :)
As for her not emailing back I'm sure she will in time she might just be reallly busy so don't give up hope just yet.

Stay strong and PM me if you need someone to talk to.
I'll get back to you ASAP :)
xoxo