So I've decided to create a thread where you can talk about your experience with relationship abuse, whether it being sexual, emotional, or physical. Also to seek advice from other RYL members.
I firmly believe that after two abusive relationships that it was time to stand up for myself and do something about my last abusive relationship with a guy called Daniel.
Now, I was 18 at the time and I had moved to a town about three and a half hours from my hometown, where I had finished my HSC (higher school certificate) in year 12 and I had been offered a place at university. I had met Daniel at a bus stop on the last day of "O-Week" (Orientation Week) and decided that we should go to the party that night. So we did and we got trashed and that night we had our first kiss. And because my parents were staying with me for my first semester to see me settle in I couldn't tell them, but I eventually told my mother but not my stepfather. So they left for the holidays and I went back home for the holidays. I came back for uni and found myself a nice shared accomodation with an old couple which was just up the road from Daniel's place.
The relationship from there, started off rocky. He would suddenly break up with me, make me feel dreadful for stuff I wasn't responsible for, and then get back together with me and make me feel better. This went on for about 9 months. By the end of this 9 months, I had come down with severe depression, depressed by failing grades at university and depressed by the constant relationship issues with Daniel, so I quit uni. But Daniel was the only person that knew. One night we had an argument over something and I felt like I was pushed to the point of pulling a screwdriver out on him. Then things got physical after I put the screwdriver down.
An AVO was taken out on me, the cops were called to take his stuff from my place (as he had been storing his computer at my place while he moved) and I had to attend court. By this stage, I was mentally screwed up, I had cut my wrists to the point where I thought it was fun to draw patterns in blood across my wrists with the knife. He said to me that he would get back together with me if I got help, so I did, and he dropped the AVO.
Then I got kicked out of my place and had no choice but to live with Daniel in his new place that he shared with another chick and her bf. Things went good until the time where the cops where called again, and I got done with intimidation and instigating domestic violence, despite the fact that I didn't have a weapon in my hands and the cops were only called because we had an argument. Daniel was the one that did the damage. Before the cops where called, we were outside arguing and the next minute I knew, he had both hands around my throat and dragged me to the ground and the last thing he said to me was "I oughta f*cking kill you". And the cops wondered why there was bruising around my throat?!
So I got sent to a women's refuge for three days, was on the verge of suicide. I was on the phone to my mum telling her that I was going to kill myself that night. Despite all the things that happened to me over those 9 months, what I said to my mum that night, still makes me cry. Her and Dad came down and got me. I attended my last court hearing and pleaded guilty to something I didn't do. I only pleaded guilty because I wanted to get out of the town. I had a defence lawyer and everything. I was put on a good behaviour bond for six months and an AVO against me (Apprehended Violence Order btw) for a year not to come near Daniel ever again. Three days after I came home, I got a text message from Daniel saying:
"I'm sorry about everything, please come back. I still love you. I overreacted that's all."
That's when I hit the roof and my sister called him up saying to stay away from me, because in the end, if the cops found out we had contact, I would be the person behind bars.
But since then I met the father of my unborn child and I have been happy ever since and now I'm 20.
this is a very good idea for a thread
my boyfriend and I are finally working things out after emotional abuse on my side and physical abuse on his.. neither of us are proud of those months :/
I'm glad things worked out eventually :) what happened with the court case in the end? how many months pregnant are you?
xxxbobbie
I think this thread is a great idea :) I've been in a few abusive realtionships... I sort of gave up on the ifea of relationships as I decided I had an awful taste in men...
but now I am with a fantastic person, so guess it worked out well in the end
I'll reply properly later, got an awful headache right now so had issues focusing to read your entire post... I will later though :)
I have trouble with my bf emotional abuse wise. i feel i have to walk around him and act perfect or it'll end. a lot of what you describe. he'll tell me things to make me feel bad. we've had horrible fights too though none have turned violent fortunately.
i had an ex boyfriend that used to hit me and he made me have sex with him too. he was younger than me which i was really ashamed about. he threatend to go to the police about us having sex if i said anything about the abuse, coz he was underage and i wasnt i would go to prison. he broke up with me after about 3 months, he said i had cheated on him or something and beat me unconscious, then called me on new years eve when i was at a party with my mates to tell me he didnt want me coz i didnt deserve him. since then hes been asking questions about my marital status and trying to worm his way back into my life. but i wont let him. i now have an amazing boyfriend who loves me for me and wouldnt change me for the world, well at least he wont change me once ive recovered!
"Tonight i will dance on the graves of all my darkest days,
and erase all the worries of all the time i wasted, my scars may never go away but i'll learn not to mind them along the way"
This is a great thread and I feel compelled to apply my story.
Long before I was involved in an abusive relationship I had become engaged in my community as a victim advocate and also had done a lot of research on victims of sexual violence as well as victims of domestic/partner violence. So to think that I myself would fall victim was astonishing to me.
I became involved with a guy a couple years younger than me. He had all the classic traits of an abuser: had been physically and sexually abused as a child, had a very controlling and competitive manner, hated homosexuality with a passion. He was extremely and unnecessarily jealous of every single man I could possibly have ever met. But he had many extemely charming traits to him and fooled everyone.
It started with arguments, in which he would always tell me that I always made him feel stupid. He had explosive anger problems, and he would break out in shaking rages where he would lose all control. After awhile even slight disagreements would trigger this in him. I've always been very cool, calm, and logical in any disagreement, and he disliked this immensely because he wanted me to lose control too, I think. Anyway, he started to physically restrain me during disagreements. He would hold me down on the bed, or the ground, or against the wall. He wouldn't let me move. After awhile he would grab my head. Then one time he kicked me. Another time he pushed me across the basement room and I went flying into a pole, then he proceeded to punch a table several times while screaming. A couple of times he wrapped his hands around my throat, pushing me against the wall or the refridgerator and squeezing until I was choking and crying. Then one night he punched me in the stomach and I couldn't breathe at all and started crying. I would tell him that it wasn't ok, he couldn't touch me like that it was wrong...but he never seemed to think he'd done anything wrong. It never registered in his mind when I would tell him. He would admit that verbally things he had said were wrong and he was sorry, but when I mentioned him physically hurting me he didn't seem to understand what I was talking about. Towards the end we were at my parents house, house-sitting, and over something really simple he grabbed my head and shook it. When I screamed he pushed my face into the bed, then put a pillow over my head suffocating me. I thought I was going to die. A week later we got in an argument because I wanted to join a volunteer organization being a victim advocate for victims of sexual assault and he was so against it and we were walking outside and he told me he wanted to push me into oncoming traffic. that night he punched a hole in the wall next to my head and told me if I left he would come after me and beat my face. I was scared, but the next day I left and I haven't seen him since. I haven't seen him for 4 months. I stayed with my parents and got away from that monster before it became any worse...which I know it would have!
I'm one of the lucky, brave ones who left before it got any worse. It was definitely traumatic enough. I never thought it could happen to me, but its so common and its so hard to break away from someone you love...
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Oh God.. seeing the title of this just made me a bit emotional >.< Thank you for this.
I've been in an abusive relationship. Not in too good a place to go into detail right now but, I have. And it's so scary and isolating..
*cuddles to everyone if okay*
*cuddles back* It's okay to tell us, trust me, after what I read, you should know you are not alone.
It took me two abusive relationships to stand up for myself and I believe every person trapped in a relationship, should get out and seek help. There are so many helplines available especially for women. I'm not discriminating here, or being sexist, but a majority of domestic violence happens towards women.
my first relationship wasn't properly abusive... he used to insult me alot, but he was ill, so I let it slide.
my second relationship was the bad one... he was physically abusive, I ended up in hospital several times... he used things he knew about me in order to manipulate me, he emotionally blackmailed me, guilt tripped me, convinced me to do things I didn't want to do, and eventually raped me repeatedly.
my third relationship I only got into as I wanted an excuse to not gain male attention, saying "I have a boyfriend" works wonders. he was a good friend of mine so I thought this arrangement was ok... so yes, I'm the bad one here as I sort of used him...
but then he started almost stalking me, he'd turn up outside lectures (this was at college) he'd join forums I was on, he'd ring me constantly, and he's threaten any males I spoke to... he also did the whole "if you leae me I'll kill myself" thing...
now I'm n my 4th relationship and first stable one. and things are great :D
Does anyone else who's been through this stuff find it really hard to trust? This inability to trust is ruining my life, I don't want to become bitter but letting people get close... letting people get as close as he did... it scares the hell out of me :\
Hey, thanks for making this thread, I feel stupid making a bunch of my own threads about it when I have issues with my boyfriend. Our relationship is definitely abusive, and I know it, but I keep letting him come back because he has a lot of problems (he was abused by his parents, has a personality disorder and traumatic brain injury), and I just want to help him. I know I can't make him change, but it's so much harder than it seems like to leave somebody, even if they treat you like ****.
Hey, thanks for making this thread, I feel stupid making a bunch of my own threads about it when I have issues with my boyfriend. Our relationship is definitely abusive, and I know it, but I keep letting him come back because he has a lot of problems (he was abused by his parents, has a personality disorder and traumatic brain injury), and I just want to help him. I know I can't make him change, but it's so much harder than it seems like to leave somebody, even if they treat you like ****.
Oh honey... I can so relate to what you're talking about here. I know how horrible it is when people tell you should/should've left them but it can feel so hard to do that. Feelings don't just disappear, even when you're treated like ****. *cuddles (if you're okay with them)*
Could you maybe get a safety/escape plan together so you feel more in control for when you're ready to leave him?
Oh honey... I can so relate to what you're talking about here. I know how horrible it is when people tell you should/should've left them but it can feel so hard to do that. Feelings don't just disappear, even when you're treated like ****. *cuddles (if you're okay with them)*
Could you maybe get a safety/escape plan together so you feel more in control for when you're ready to leave him?
I've made about a million plans, but it's following through that always gets me. I always end up feeling guilty, or worrying about what he'd do to himself if I really left him. I know I should be thinking about my own safety, but I can't just stop caring, you know?
yesterday was his birthday and it really sunk in.. last year I made him feel so bad that he eventually tried to knock me unconscious and then tried to kill himself.. this year we had a row about something much more serious but worked it out in glares and abruptness and we were fine an hour later
i guess sometimes it does work out. but i like to think we would never have given our relationship so many second chances if it wasnt for the fact that we both finally agreed to get therapy for unrelated issues
Mines nothing like this, I'm 16, my ex use to put me down by saying I'm fat & ugly..he use to flirt with lasses... he treats me like crap yet I'd go back to him cause I'm a stupid btch..
ummm... believe it or not i was in abusive relationship at 13...
started with hits, then beatings... then it got to the point where he beat me so badly i couldn't fight against him when he *Have issue with R word.. sorry if you think me stupid for that* had sex with me. then i went back again an he did it a second time. moved away 6 months later. told one person who died 3 months after that, then didn't mention it for 3 years. I then being as messed up as i am got into a second abusive relationship (Though non sexual) which ended 2 weeks ago. (Not ready to talk about seond yet)
Quote:
It does stop hurting... doesn't it? Eventually?
6 years later, i'm doing ok, it deffinatly hurts less... i hope it stops all together tho.
[</3]_And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel_[</3]
~*~I walked away because you were((hurting))((Killing))me! [[not]] because i'm weak~*~
