so a question to everyone
why arent you coping ? what are the triggers ? what are the mood swings like ?
we all need support so when ready feel free to talk
-
my impulsivity and manipulation is coming back. which means the depressions nearly gone :D
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
I'm not coping 'cause.. Of family, friends, the lack of routine which i really struggle with!.. i'd rather be working 40hours a week and have no time to sit and think. Instead i am thinking Alll the time.
My triggers are.. Thinking to much , Hearing certain songs, talking to certain people, but generally thinking yeah.
The mood swings are.. unbearable, one minute im ok.. i never really get extreme highs.. but i will be kinda average mood.. then 10mins later im suicidial and dissociating.
I hate being so unpredictable almost as much as everyone around me hates me being unpredictable.
**
Sarah is that one of your signs that a depressed stage is over then?.. I've never really had the manipulative side of things, just the mood swings, impulsivty etc..
what are you going to buy yourself Zowie? x
So do whatever it takes
‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin’ stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side
I feel like crap. Going through the motions. I was OK when my care co-ordinator was here this morning, then i went really low about an hour after she went for no apparent reason, and tonight i feel like i could rip people apart because i'm so angry. It doesn't help that i'm on my period so i have PMT to cope with. Oh and Laura - if you read this - i got Tranexamic Acid tablets for my periods on thursday, funnily enough came on friday afternoon, and they have thus far been a bloody goodsend - i seriously haven't had a period like this ever, it's LIGHT as hell, it went heavy this afternoon but i think i missed a dosage so took 2 straight away, had a 2 hour nap, went to pee and it's light again so i need to keep taking them (2 500mg upto 4 times a day). Ahh the relief, 10 years of heavy periods and fainting, to relatively light periods/nothing. I may kiss my GP when i see him. Haha. I love him <3 He even invited me around his and his wifes house for dinner to get me out of the house a bit more, i thought that was so sweet :*)
Er random post. Sorry. A certain thread on here has really gotten to me and i'm very upset/angry about it so i'm trying to do my breathing exercises and avoid it, but it's very difficult because of the whole anger thing.
Sorry. Ark. Rant. Just. Yeh. Hug, please?
Big hugs to everyone who's suffering at the moment xx
Last edited by typsee : 20-07-2009 at 11:44 PM.
Reason: edited
Hollz, this is going to sound harsh (and I am guilty of having done it too) but it isn't fair posting like that and then not updating. Thankfully it sounds as though you are ok as you were online later. Please take care.
Laura, do they really work that well. I know clots are kinda normal but how do you know what isn't normal b/c I am always grossed out by mine. Yuck, makes me queasy thinking of it.
btw that thread irritates me too as I have close relatives who are perfectly intelligent but chose a vocational route. I am trying not to get too mad aswell.
Argh, sorry, really nervous. Got confirmation this afternoon via a telephone call. I start at my TC tomorrow. Trying to stay calm but just argh.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
Laura, *hugs* I understand that it felt frustrating and invalidating to read some points of that thread. I think it's very difficult for anyone to be able to properly judge another person's situation, because to be fair, pretty much the only people who know what's required of a childcare course is someone who's done it, you know? The post that said that people have been doing childcare for years, I highly doubt actually knows what goes on on an NVQ (though, my mistake if they do) so how valid is their point really :/ there again I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about this here, so I'll stop, it's just my opinion.
Yay for the Tranexamic Acid, I'm really glad that it's helping you. I dare you to kiss your GP. Though you may get sectioned :S my friend almost got sectioned for trying to stroke her psychiatrist's face "because it was shiny" when she was manic.
Carrie, I wish you all the best at the TC tomorrow. I'm not surprised that you're feeling panicky, especially with the uncertainty around it and you should be proud of yourself for how you've dealt with it. It's hard to be new, but everyone's new once and most people remember how scary it is.
Zowie, eight months is a fantastic achievement! I hope you do something nice for yourself to celebrate.
Yay for the Tranexamic Acid, I'm really glad that it's helping you. I dare you to kiss your GP. Though you may get sectioned :S my friend almost got sectioned for trying to stroke her psychiatrist's face "because it was shiny" when she was manic..
You just made my night with that. it made me chuckle :)
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
Carrie i must say i agree with you on the Hollz front, i think it puts unnecessary worry and upset on other members who are already struggling, which is why i said she'd been on by checking her profile to put other peoples minds at rest. I think if people are in that bad a way the least they can do the next day is update to say everything is fine.
Carrie - They REALLY work well. My first ever period was on 7th December 2000, and the only reason i remember that date is because my birthday is on 7th August, and being niave at 13 i thought "Oh no, i'm going to be on every year on my birthday". It was the lightest period you can imagine - didn't even warrant a pad looking back but i wore them anyway, mainly to get used to wearing them.
TMI here but, the second period i had was so heavy i bled right through my sheets to my mattress - had to get a new mattress. Having gone from being incredibly light and thinking "This is a breeze" to bleeding so heavily i had to take days off school was a big shock to me. Over the years i have gotten used to wearing heavy/thick night Always pads (not much different in them compared to maternity pads tbh). But it got to the stage where over the past 5 months i've been dreading them because i feel so weak with them. I used to only see women doctors, but when i first started seeing Dr.Newson i knew he was my GP for keeps.
It was a bit awkward talking about it at first but he reacted in a way as if to say he's heard it all before. He wanted to put me on hormone treatments first but i refused and wanted to try these tablets first. And as soon as i came on within seconds i grabbed them, and i prayed they'd work. I'm on the 4th day now and other than the little blip today where i got a bit heavy and had a few clots (because i forgot a dosage!) it's been REALLY light, on some occasions there's nothing there but (sorry TMI again) coloured (reddish/pinkish) pee - it's that light.
It's like a godsend! Basically the way it works is my body doesn't know how to store clots and bleed naturally, so i was clotting really badly (like, really badly) - and it got to the point where i'd spend 5 minutes on the loo with just constant clots - it was that bad. I'm not at all squeemish and dealt with it as i always did, and i'm very open when discussing periods because it is a natural thing at the end of the day. But it's definatly a massive improvement. It is normal to pass a few clots during your period but mine was extreme. You just know when your periods aren't normal. And mine weren't. But i was being shy (i don't know why considering i've given birth >.<) about talking to Dr.Newson about it. But i'm glad he prescribed me these, i would marry him if he wasn't already :P
I'm hoping they stay like this now until i come off. They're my magic tablets!
It also means i won't be on on my birthday when i go to Irene's - which means no mood swings and munchies! haha. Woo!
I don't think it will regulate them - sadly i'd have to go on something hormone related for that - but i'm happy with just having light periods, god you really don't know how much of an improvement it's had on my mood. I am still very pale though so i think when he gets back (he's on a 2 week leave) i will accept his offer to have a blood test done for anemia.
Sorry i've rambled.
You'll be ok Carrie - i spoke to you earliar about the therapy - you'll be fine, remember what i told you - breathing exercises. XX
Sorry, I came online earlier but my internet keeps cutting out, must of re-started about 20 times tonight, dunno why it even bothers connecting, if i is just going to go off again, left it off for a bit and it hasn't kicked me off again, so fingers crossed.
I'm sorry, I really shouldn't drink when I feel crap, but it seems like the only thing that is going to do the trick. I can't gamble, I don't do drugs, cuttin is a last resort and my god, I've tried other things. I got so wound up at work yesterday that I just kind of went into freefall last night, just kept drinking and drinking as well as other stupid stuff, woke up this morning feeling absolute pish because of everything and as I had been drinking and had cut, and the cuts were needing a bit of attention.
I went to the hosp before work to sort myself out, got the same lecture from them I wasn't in the mood for, I have an appt with my cpn tomorrow morning before work, so I guess that will be fun and games.
Today at was okay, all things considered, I think I even managed to forget that a day off is still days away, I think I was relieved I didn't need to get up before sunrise.
I'm really sorry for worrying yous, I shouldn't post when I am like this, as I just end talking in gibberish and thanks for all your support, your all great and I am so thankful you are all here.
I really hope everyone is having a good night xxx
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
Laura, *hugs* I understand that it felt frustrating and invalidating to read some points of that thread. I think it's very difficult for anyone to be able to properly judge another person's situation, because to be fair, pretty much the only people who know what's required of a childcare course is someone who's done it, you know? The post that said that people have been doing childcare for years, I highly doubt actually knows what goes on on an NVQ (though, my mistake if they do) so how valid is their point really :/ there again I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about this here, so I'll stop, it's just my opinion..
I don't care if we're not allowed to talk about it elsewhere although i don't see why it shouldn't be allowed. I'd rather discuss it here with a friend than on that thread because i will end up getting banned if i go back on it - i can't be doing with people who think they're superior to others.
I worked in childcare for nearly 4 years, but it was split, like, i kept chopping and changing my mind and never felt settled anywhere i went, so i'd go from getting certificates in computers/english, to working in a retail job, to going back to childcare. I now know this is BPD related but obviously didn't at the time.
And i tell you, NVQ's are bloody hard work, not only do you need to be extremely dedicated, you need to juggle working in a nursery to juggling INSANE amounts of coursework - i got so behind i gave up because i couldn't cope with both (and i had a job at the time for some income). It was hard, and no one can ever judge people who do NVQ's without having done one themselves. And i think the meaning "Not very qualified" is a demeaning and disgusting thing to say.
I don't *do* people who feel superior to other people and look down their noses at other people "below" them, as if everyone else is a dogsbody and unintelligent. It disgusts me. And i won't stand for people making me feel thick because i haven't got a degree or gone to university.
Ark.
And i doubt i'd get sectioned - my GP loves me too much. haha. Although it would be nice if i was, considering i'm STILL waiting for a bed in hospital. >.>
NVQ stands for "Not very qualified" in a certain members eyes and i was livid when i read it. Apparently people who are in childcare/hairdressing/eletricians are "underdogs", that's basically what's being said. I swear some people think there sh*t smells sweet.
Eurgh that's bollucks, without the people in childcare/hairdressing and electricians this country woulden't run. As someone that works in Childcare that makes me furious because its a lot of hard ****ing work and responsibility :@
Some people are just to far up their own Arse because they have been to university and have degrees and rich parents. **im not saying all university students are like that NOT AT ALL* im just saying 'some'.. even 'a few'.
Anyway.. will drop that subject.
Glad everyone is reasonably ok, im gonna go to bed now anyway
Night
xx
So do whatever it takes
‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin’ stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side
Hey there tomorrow (((hugs))) - I hope that you are okay, could you please stop cutting? What has happened to make you feel like this tonight? If you want talk about it, I am here for now.
How bad are your cuts? You said you like to go to A/E, why don't you go? Is there anything particularly that is stopping you? It can be daunting but sometimes you gotta just do the right thing.
Oh and don't for one second think you are less important than anyone else on here, we are all in the same boat, we all need support and we all have good and bad days, and most importantly, we look out for each other. Please keep posting and I really hope that your doing okay. xXx
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
If your cuts are bad then you should hunni, could you maybe not phone a taxi or friend to take you instead, I certainly know the thought of an ambulance is a tad overwhelming. Please move away from the window, everything will be okay I promise x
I'm sorry but I need to go to sleep my meds have kicked in, so I'm all squint eyed. But please seek help and keep talking on here, as I am sure others will be about.
Before I go, just want to add that I really do appreciate the support from you all last night, your all great and I am sorry for worrying you all, really hope everyone is okay tonight, sweet dreams xxx
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
