Triggering (SI/OD) - i've screwed up

[Piglet]

I hadn't cut in 5 weeks and then last night i went and threw it all away and i hate myself for it. Life is just getting too much.

I've really messed up at uni i got my grades back last week and they're no where near as good as they could have been. Also i've got to apply to defer my dissertation for the third time cause i just can't get it done in the time i've got left. That means i won't graduate untill next summer at least. That wouldn't be so bad if all my friends weren't talking about how great it is to be finished and getting excited about graduation this week.

On top of that i've got all the stress of finding a job and paying bills. I'll only be a part time student next year so i won't be able to get a loan and i'll have to pay council tax as well. But the idea of getting any sort of job just scares the hell out of me. When I was at school one of my teachers said i'd never be able to cope with life outside education and i'm sure she's right.

I know this probably doesn't sound like much but it's just one thing after another and it's all starting to pile up. I just feel like my life is just so screwed up i don't know what the point of carrying on is.

[LozzyGirl]

I know how you feel. Getting any kinda job scares me even if its something I know I'd probably enjoy. Im only 15 so its not a big issue for me yet. And OMG 5 weeks is amazing!! I can only manage to stop for about 2 weeks at the most. And I blew that yesterday by cutting :/
I dont really know what to say to everything else. But Im here if you wanna chat :)

[Arianwen]

I'm so sorry, this isn't a nice position.

I really understand what you're going through with the uni bit. I had to repeat my second year due to mental health problems and now I'm watching all my friends graduate around me. It's not a nice time. But feel proud! You ARE getting the work done, and even though you're grades may not be exactly what you wanted, you are STILL fighting for this, and believe me, against all the thousands of graduates, that is worth a hell of a lot more. When things are getting better (and they will) employeers will see that too, will see your drive and commitment. Those talents can't be faked.

I don't think I have anything constructive to say, but I have read and understood. You are not alone.