Triggering (SI) - lost

longversion · 09-07-2009, 02:36 AM

hello. i'm nell..i'm 21. i'm having a quite stable career but 2009 is truly a terible year for me. early this year i've been diagnosed for a chronic genetic disease, betrayed by my best friend..and recently my project faced some difficulties..financial probs. i found it hard to cope with all these and started self harm . but now i've decided to stop cutting because i've finally realized the damage it brought..my arms are fill with scars, even the scar of my first cut is still obvious. i regret ever starting it. but stopping is easier say than done. i am free for nine days, but i don't know how long i can resist the urge. now i think i'm having bipolar disorder... i sometimes thought of suicide during my depression state...i've consider seeing psychiatrist but i'll get exposed if i do so..i don't want my family, my colleagues and my supervisor to know that i'm having mental probs..this is difficult for me, but i'm terrified that one day i'll lose my sanity and do stupid things..i don't wanna die and i don't wanna hurt myself..i don't want to disappoint my family..please give me some ideas, what should i do?

sorry for the long post and thank you for spending some time reading this.

stumpy davies · 09-07-2009, 05:56 AM

well your doing well not having cut for 9 days, have you maybe looked at distractions, maybe you have a close friend you can talk to who can support you through this, secondly maybe seeing the GP wouldn't be a bad idea & getting to see a psychiatrist anything you tell them is confidential, just because you go to see them & get help doesn't mean you'll be hospitalized, secondly if your worried about someone seeing you when you go for a psych appointment maybe ask if you can travel a little further to go see 1 where people don't know you. You seem quite strong & fairly calm in what you've posted which is good, just stick at it & don't give up no matter what happens. Good luck hun, *BIG HUGS* things do get better & you can get through this, I believe in you xxx

Left. · 09-07-2009, 12:57 PM

Hey nell, first of all, well done for last 9 days, that really is a great achievement and you should be proud of yourself!
It can be very hard making the leap to get professional help and although it seems highly daunting that you could be 'exposed' to your family and such-like, the main thing is that you will be getting some much needed help for yourself. You have said that you do not do not want to hurt yourself and you do not want to die but you have had suicidal thoughts in the past, now may be the best time for you to correct these thoughts so that they do not end up getting any worse. I'd strongly advise you to speak to your GP as the sooner you can get help, the sooner you will be on your road to recovery.

all the best x

tamobhuuta · 09-07-2009, 07:01 PM

well done for 9 days, that's a great achievement. i think it would be a great idea to see your doctor, if you wanted i don't see why you shouldn't keep it private from family and work. but mayeb if they did know they could help you? but i would advise going to your doctor whatever you decide to tell or not tell those around you, it'll make recovery that much easier.

09-07-2009, 10:26 PM

good job for 9 days! if you seek help, you're quite old enough for it to be completely confidential. no one would be able to know unless you wanted to. i really think you should get help if it's affecting your life so much. *hugs* feel free to pm me anytime you want to talk or anything.

longversion · 10-07-2009, 01:51 AM

thanks for the encouragement..i'll think about it.just for info, i don't want my family to know about my probs because i've been a good girl since i was little and i wanna keep it that way. my family is everything for me..

tamobhuuta · 10-07-2009, 01:29 PM

i've always been teh good girl too, but when my parents found out theyw ere really supportive. well, i wouldn't have told them out of choice but because of my age they had to know. but i think it'll work out for the best.

longversion · 11-07-2009, 02:09 AM

I cut again last night, can't hold the urge anymore! the 11 days were wasted! i failed again..but i did feel much better, with a little regret of course

tamobhuuta · 11-07-2009, 08:28 PM

the 11 days weren't wasted, that's still 11 days free which is really great

11-07-2009, 10:55 PM

the 11 days aren't wasted. you still made it that long; you just had a slip up. keep trying. it will get better. *hugs*