ok guys.
no reason - right ground rules are something i completely go agaisnt as well. but ive been working with my therapist for about 9 months now and she didnt get rid of me for breaking her rules, and now im trying to follow them not becuase they are her rules but because im starting to see the positive affect it will have for me.
so dont dismiss this chance just because of rules, thing of them more as goals ?
hollz - sounds like a hell of a day. Essay writing wouldnt have been at the top of my list either. But your getting through it. im a natural born worrier so becareful with the drinking, it might not hurt tonight but you know it will damage your mood for the next few days.. just take care of yourself and take it easy when you can.
-
I calmed down. went out and had my last rainbow session - little brownie's - we played musical statues and stuff. the girls have started asking about the "cat scratches" on my arm.. which is worrying because for a 5 year old to notice you know its obvious. i didnt realise it was though.
i figured out my therapist never told me it would be easy. she told me from the off it would be hard and she'd probably end up being someone i hated half way through .
but at least im honest with her. i could manipulate her, i have that gift of manipulativing situations. wanna get out of hosp after a su attempt ? no problem. wanan get discharded from mh services whislt admiting to being su? no problem. but me being honest and getting lectures and feedback from her has to be a step in the right direction.
i just wish i did end up taking such a battering lol. my own fault though, when i behave correctly and healthily she'll be nice .
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
sorry to hear things are difficult at the moment its always hard dealign with family and friends after that because alot of the time they are uncapable of understanding especing when you where "getting better" .
but you'll get through it. jsut remember they only want to help, even when they make things worse.
and keep yourself going /. focus on positives. i know its hard.
hollz - thinking about what ? maybe you should go with only drink 1 or 2 bottles of wine maybe leave the third... as a attempt to be "healthier in managing emotional distress" . small steps is all you can take
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
hollz - thinking about what ? maybe you should go with only drink 1 or 2 bottles of wine maybe leave the third... as a attempt to be "healthier in managing emotional distress" . small steps is all you can take
^this^
Sorry, my head is a little bit of well, I don't know just yet. I am reading your posts but don't have the words to reply just yet.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
its alrite sweet.
take it easy. dont get yourself stressed out.
So the words arent quite there at the moment. its been a hard day and thats totally understandable.
just want you to becareful.
im not around for about a week after tomorrow morning so to everyone. just take care of yourselves. i dont want to come back to losts of hospitalisations if possible. come on if i cant then its not fair if you lot can.
nah im only joking now but please take care.
And remember its all ok. each day fades, our actions do too.
its all about taking lots of little steps sometimes they go backwards to. but eventually the little steps add up and you've walked a mile forwards
x
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
-
Emily Bronte
My tutor has given me an extension till next Monday, so I have tomorrow and all weekend to get this done, thank god.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
Well I will do what I can. I will spend tomorrow catching up on all the reading, taking sufficient notes etc etc, and thursday night as well, I am working 8-6 on thurs n fri, and taking my best friend out on fridy night on the swally and for pizza........but yeh I will get it done, I am just thankful for the extra few days. I have never asked for an extension before, I think the tutor likes me though because I am the only one who has been at both tutorials, and we had chat at the last one and she is pretty nice (except being from greenock) but aye, thank god...
BTW, I have no intention of drinking 3 bottles of wine, 1 of them is for Friday. I have had 1, and I might have another half bottle like, but I am trying to put things in perspective ad that, I phoned keiths mum and dad and I am going over there tomorrow, I miss him and seeing them makes me feel closer to him..
Im on a tv and wine bingeeeeeeeeee x
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
Oh and Sarah - take care, hope you are okay and speak to you next week, thanks for your support, mwah xxx
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
I only bought three because the wine I drink, was on special in the supermarket. I would love to give you some, you would need to come up to Paisley though. Paisley is okay, besides the peeps dying from swine flu....
I am only drinking tonight, because it is my weekend, I was working all weekend, so this is technically my saturday night.....wooooooooooooooo
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
It's ok, one of the people I work with has just had a holiday in Mexico. her boyfriend is confirmed as having swine flu although tests on her were apparently negative.
Yey for midweek weekends :) It used to be like that for me when I worked in a pub for a year.
I'm on my own and bored :(
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
The worrying thing was as rife as swine flu has been, the first two deaths were in the rah in Paisley, 5 minutes from my house and where I need to go if I OD, still it makes me a bit paranoid, I need to think outside the box.........
Midweek weekends, I love them as I have the proper weekend as well to look forward to wooooooooooooo
Oh I nearly got sacked yesterday, because one phone call I never made at work on Sunday cost ***major high street retailer*** more than 10,000 in loss stock, my fault but lucky my work I think are backing me up, we were so busy and its a long story, I never did nothing wrong really...
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
Oops re the 'phone call. Where do you work? Do you get cool discounts then :)
I'm hoping my sw will call tomorrow and I will have to swallow my pride and tell her that I would like to give the TC a go. I wish that I hadn't been so firmly and impulsively set after seeing them this afternoon as I could tell that they were all open to the possibility of me joining them.
Feel **** due to various things so hoping I can still keep my sh to a minimum tonight.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
Just out of curiosity, how long usually do AP's take to kick in?
I was on 300mg Quetiapine for around 2-3 weeks but they were slow releasing. I was then put on the normal releasing ones, and i've been on them now for about 4 weeks (and for the past 2 weeks it's been increased to 350mg).
I am feeling absolutely no effect whatsoever from them. The mood swings are still there, i'm going completely insane, my low spells are becoming worse (although i have certain events going on at the moment which probably aren't helping - my daughters anniversary is on Sat 11th and it would have been her 8th birthday, she was born stillborn at 24 weeks) and i'm not entirely sure what i'm meant to do? Do i just continue to take them? I just..feel nothing. My mother also states she hasn't noticed a change either.
*Sigh* The only reason i like them is because i have no side effects from them.
My quetiapine norm kicks in after about 30 mins,makes me sleep.
I work on behalf of magic and sparkle, I don't work for them directly though, so no discount unfortunately, but be appeased by the fact if you get stuck in a lift, then I will do my damnest to get you out as soon as possible :P
I keep thinking about things, 2nd bottle of wine nearly done. I just dunno, I have a whole lotta pills I am tempted to take. I miss Keith. Ugh.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
It might be that you need to try another one. I know you have been on **** loads of ADs but APs are the same, you need to find one that works and the right dosage etc.
I have a night-time dose which has been a blessing to help me sleep but the prn part really helps also when I choose to let it.
I don't want to spill too much but you were on an SSRI which is now beign decreased. You need to see what other one that can help with anxiety etc aswell to combine with your AP. My old psych suggested another option for me would be Mirtazapine b/c of the sedaqting effects but I haven't actually tried it.
I wish I had no side effects as I have put on a **** load of weight since starting Quetiapine.
xxx
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
