Facet,
You are very welcome and much appreciated in this thread, we really hope you hang around. It can take a long time (which we're sure you know) to acquire knowledge about your system, either way you are really valued here.
MayaAmita,
Welcome to the thread, we are the lostboys *waves*
How have you been doing?
Slacker,
Hey Chris :) Your words are so powerful and warm. Thank you so much for your care and support. Just having you around here is a great support. Thank you again, we really really appreciate you and your overwhelming kindness.
How are you all? How are things travelling?
Eclectic*a
Things seem a bit all over the shop for you at the moment. Do you think there is a trigger? Perhaps some kind of shift going on inside?
Look after yourselves :)
Bobbiwib,
Hey, how are things?
We saw Jude's post in the Male support thread, posted there that it might be here might be a better place for him, since his experiences will probably be a lot better understood here than over there...
Wondering also, do you see a psych/therapist?
_____
We're sitting in a cafe across the road from the clinic where we see our Dr. It's 9:36 and our appointment is at 11.
We're catching up with our good friend (and soon too be roommate! =D) who is in hospital (at the clinic) and our ex-girlfriend who we've bee catching up with a little. It should be good. Unfortunately, Ash's more recent girlfriend is doing the day program at the same hospital, and if she see's the ex we are catching up with today... ugh, that could be nasty.
Anyhow, we got the apartment we applied for with the friend mentioned above and another, which is really exciting, moving in within two weeks. Time to get some serious packing done. Ash's mum bought us a washing machine, and we have a stack of stuff in the study ready to go. Everything from cleaning supplies to towels, kitchen utensils, crockery/cutlery and toiletries. Very cool.
________________________________
On a therapeutic side, some craziness within the system, though not necessarily destructive, which is a comfort given past and recent happenings.
Hmm, have been anxious about the move on an unconscious level; excited in all other ways, and just figured out the other day why. Hate to go into it again, we shouldn't talk about it at all. (don't talk chant). But we're afraid that by moving in with our friends are we endangering them? Will they be hurt because of their association with us? Terrified of this...
....and speaking of awkward, the ex whom is going to get annoyed at us for meeting up with the other ex (gee i sound like a man whore) her mum just walked in the door... and spoke to us... awkward. Her daughter (the girlfriend) didn't tell her mum we were dating (?? not quite sure about that??) but she was quite awkward just now... gee. Guessing after K* fell apart after the break-up that she now knows. Lovely.
Anyhow, really really need a cigarette, and pissy that we finished the carton Ash's mum bought back from Hong Kong - have to pay for cigarettes again! Dang.
Ok, going now. Will see if our future roomy is downstairs; most likely still asleep though. Anyhow, bye!
everything is messed up, my life, my head, my world. its driving me more insane by the day and I am struggling to see any light at the end of this 11 year tunnel. its stupid and annoying and im sick of it all.
for what its worth, sorta trying to follow conversation, I dont have DID, I have depersonalisation and derealisation disorders, I feel at home in this thread!
I would like to one day feel 'normal'... that would be nice I think. everyone else always looks so happy and to be having fun, I dont know them feelings.
hush little baby, don't say a word, and never mind that noise you heard
it's just the beast under your bed, in your closet, in your head
I (ash) often get really frustrated 'cause unless the parts that come out are the ones that i can be co-conscious with (whether i am or not at the time doesn't matter) i have no idea who was out. struggling with this at the moment. i should probably get some sleep, i'm pretty wrecked, not that i did much today, others may have.. *shrugs* anyhow, look after yourselves.
ash and lostboys
same here Marko. I wish my dissociations would stop. They're so unnerving and annoying. It's like I can't even control my own body!
That's exactly my problem. Whan I dissociate, I completely lose control, and often lose consciousness. For example, back when I was SHing, I'd remeber having the urge to SI, but I wouldn't remember doing it, or cleaning/dressing the wounds. I'd "leave" and "come back" to find stitches, bandages, antibacterial ointment, that sort of stuff, but have no recollection of doing it. I've been known to "leave" for as many as 10 days, and i'll "come back" and i'll have friends and teachers asking me what's been going on lately as i hadn't been myself, and I don't know what to tell them because I don't know how I'd been acting.
the short, SHing dissociations are generally triggered by a traumatic memory or bad news, or even something my mother says to me. I haven't had one of those in months. The longer ones aren't triggered, and I had one recently at the worst possible time: exam week. I have no idea what my exams looked like, but somehow, completely dissociated, I managed to pass them.
Bobbiwib- I live in America, not UK :). I'm not too well, been jumping in and out, blanking out, and feeling schizo with everyone complaining at once. I'd like to separate for once, just to be without a headache!
Not well but stress tends to do that. Will be ok, though. New T appt on Friday. yay. :rollseyes
Ok, no not so sure I will be OK. At least I should be honest here. Freakin alot, but can't do much till T appt, so...
Hey lost boys, thanks.
About the whole dissociation thing... yeah. My first semester in college I took a psych class, did an entire final project on DID, and it was someone else cause I remember nothing. And internship was a nightmare...
"why weren't you here to practice?"
*me looking dumb* "I wasn't?"
DID, Dissociation, and Depersonalization are wonderful things, right? :rollseyes2
Last edited by MayaAmita : 01-07-2009 at 03:30 AM.
Reason: added info
"I'm the slow dying flower/ in the frost killing hour/ sweet turning sour/ and untouchable"
"You've gotta stand for something/ or you'll fall for anything"
"And don't apologize/ For all the tears you've cried/ You've been way too strong now for all your life"
We are struggling today ....we are starting to fall apart :cry
We're sorta fallin apart too. But sending hugs if ok, and well wishes. Can't see the stars, but one of the kids swears their magic and watch over her. If you can see the stars, she'll tell one to watch over you.
"I'm the slow dying flower/ in the frost killing hour/ sweet turning sour/ and untouchable"
"You've gotta stand for something/ or you'll fall for anything"
"And don't apologize/ For all the tears you've cried/ You've been way too strong now for all your life"
I think can be wonderful, without it i doubt I'd be alive.
Think about it, it's an absolutely incredible coping mechanism....
Imagine what it would be like to have never had any solace or safety from the trauma that went on in your life.
I wouldn't want it any other way.
We barely slept last night, until it got to 4am so we ended up sleeping till the afternoon. Not up to much, should probably have breakfast....
Went to work, remember about 30 minutes of it, then I "left" and didn't "come back" til 10:30pm my time. so I was "gone" for about 7 hours. Ugh.
Bleeding Black: I agree, it can be a wonderful coping mechanism, but at the same time it's incredibly terrifying at times. I'm glad that it's kept you alive though. Hopefully you get more sleep tonight!
Yes, I agree, I am just caustic sometimes because of the feeling of being pulled in too many directions at once, and all the confusion. I would not have survived without this state either.
I actually slept last night, but I think it had to do with the leftover sedatives from the doc, and now awake and going to work.
Am
"I'm the slow dying flower/ in the frost killing hour/ sweet turning sour/ and untouchable"
"You've gotta stand for something/ or you'll fall for anything"
"And don't apologize/ For all the tears you've cried/ You've been way too strong now for all your life"
lostboys and facet... its good to feel connected with you. i find you a great comfort when i come to this space. this place often feels like a seastorm which i can't connect with. when i think of where we are geographically and that its not an issue i get a little kick out of knowing good people so close and yet so far :)
oh my, it's 2am out here and i can't sleep. so this is day 3 without it. not the most fun state, i must say.
for once, i really wish i had been able to "leave" at work today. I had old men grabbing my bum while i was stocking shelves and sorting veggies and fruit. it reminded me of a bad time when i was a child, and i ended up in a sobbing, blubbering heap on the floor in the middle of the produce department. I got into huge trouble from my boss (she was watching the surveilance footage from home and called the store to holler at me) and i'm only getting paid half of what i should for the day's work.
I felt so bad when i got home that i did something i really regretted, and had to go to hospital to get my stomach pumped. not impressed.
We're sorta fallin apart too. But sending hugs if ok, and well wishes. Can't see the stars, but one of the kids swears their magic and watch over her. If you can see the stars, she'll tell one to watch over you.