Triggering (Suicide) - am i any different than i was before

[riaha]

this is most likely going to be long. i just want to share my story, and start from the beginning so i can get it out. this makes me hesitant because im about to tell strangers about the one thing no one knows or sees about me.
so a couple years ago in 7th grade i moved from a city i spent 12 years of my life in, 2 states away. i was pretty excited but as the day grew closer i was starting to dread the decision i had told my parents i was pretty scared. well i had just started school and from the beginning people had me labled they didnt even know my name. i had just moved from california and where i lived there was a bad headlice problem we had tried for years and years to get rid of it but it just wouldnt leave. about half way through the year not only were people calling me emo, because i was quiet they were saying how i should just go kill myself i would be doing everyone a favor and that hurt. but then in music class they had found out about my headlice problem and my new name was headlice girl.i mean the next day i didnt show up at school i did everything i could to get it out, my mission was successful i have been headlice free since that day so a couple years now. my parents saw that each day would come home crying and run down to my room i wouldnt eat because i didnt want to leave my room i was ashamed of my whole life. i begged to go to a different school or be home schooled they said i would hate it, but to be honest anything would have been better than that. i think there was about 5 months of school left and in the 5 months i had attemped suicide 3 times. obviously they never worked out because im writing this. i would stay up day and night thinking about what would happen if i just ended my life at this moment how happy would i make people. finally summer came and in that 3 months i became better because they werent around. 8th grade and nothing bad happend i figured everyone forgot. yesterday i made the most important decision i have ever made in my entire life im going to be a sophmore when school starts in a couple months. we juts got done doing the suicide unit about a couple weeks ago before school got out and thats the hardest unit for me because i feel like i havent yet gotten over my 7th grade year, which was thee hardest time in my life. now its summer and im depressed again and have dreams or nightmares everynight about commiting suicide and cant stop thinking about it. Everynight i stay up crying i feel theres just no reason other than my girlfriend to be here anymore. well the other night i looked up ways that i could some how prevent myself from doing it and the number one thing was keep busy because you will never think about it. i asked my mom yesterday to take me out but she wanted a reason why i had to spend everyday busy, i then started to cry and said just take me out i will tell you. i told my mom about how im suicidal and that was hard to do because i have no idea what she thought or what she is thinking now. i said i wanted to get professional help now because i dont think i can get over this. and were talking about changing school which im up for. but im pretty sure she told my dad, because all they do is give me basically everything i want and dont get me wrong its nice but i dont want to be treated different by them they never hurt me they have no reason to treat me so nice because i havent done anything for them to treat me nice. i just im so confused . i want to hear from other people who went through somewhat the same problem as me and how you dealt with it.

your bloody amazing! you did amazing then sweetie! seriously you were so brave and you are so strong... I'm always here if you want to talk, PM me. Oh
Welcoem to RYL
I'm Amber :) xx

[momo432]

*hugs*
basically all i have to say is what squirtle said!
feel free to PM me anytime
xxx

[TinkerDebs]

agrees with above *hugs*