I hate the term "emotionally unstable" as I would like to see someone who is "stable" try and cope with the intensity that we/I do on a daily basis. They would soon realise that we desrve support and praise for lasting as lonhg as we do.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
Dissociative symptoms can include the following feelings & perceptions:
erasure of a sense of "self", trouble controlling or feeling one's own body, trouble with speaking, trouble putting memories in the correct time frame, bad short- or long-term memory, extremely selective memory, time loss, somatoform syndromes, recurrent nightmares, visual disturbances, the compartmentalization of specific experiences, feeling "spaced out", out-of-body experiences.
i have nearly all of those symptoms :( anyone else?
Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up
No Reason: Just to say been with people all night, I think your okay, I love Ya, please take care xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
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Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
I used to have bad derealisation- feeling spaced out and like I was watching things through a screen. It wasnt nice at all, but went away once I stopped feeling so anxious / stressed.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
have all of those, too. nice to see a list of them, like that - thanks for posting it!
As for feelings, invalidation (which has many forms) is a major cause (or at least common denomination) of BPD, so I figure we need feelings validated even MORE
i mostly don't have feelings - so much easier
I was merely a prune In a box of raisins Dried and shriveled Like all the rest. . . . .
gypsy chick - you said you dont often have feelings ? is that like being empty ? becuase if it is i can understand that. i crave it but when its here i hate it. i hate not being able to feel a thing.
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this might sound totally strange but i figure you lot are the best to ask
if i get an idea in my head or here a friends situation or soemthing i can make it feel like me. i create my own false memories - sometimes i know im doing it soemtimes i dont untill its too late....
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
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Emily Bronte
I want to go to the gym to t and get out my hangover, can't find my swimming stuff argh..........
Something has changed within me, something is not the same, I'm through with playing by the rules of someone elses game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep, its time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap....
Somethings I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know...
***
Big hugs to all my friends on here, thanks for your constant support - love you guys
yes - empty is a good word for it. empty, nothingness, huge desire to be invisible/not exist. I feel like I've made a great effort to figure out how a person is supposed to behave/react in any given situation and then to act that way. I feel like a chameleon: I can be anything anybody needs, but I don't really have any REAL "self". It's like looking into a black mirror. It's not just a lack of reflection, but a complete nothingness. (Makes me think of Neverending Story)
I completely know what you mean about "false memories", too. I always feel like an outsider, like I don't belong and that I have no right to whatever happiness may be going on around me.
I was merely a prune In a box of raisins Dried and shriveled Like all the rest. . . . .
i feel like that a lot.. changing based on what your expected to be.. my ex was more like it. he used to sit there and on the rare occassions he was drunk enough to open up to me he'd tell me he'd feel nothing. he had no feelings, no emotions, no hopes no dreams just nothings.
Its horrible.
false memories ect - they scare me so much. Especily when i dont know im doing it. Its like being a child i think when their braisn are like sponges and they absorb and reflect everything they experiene but then theres the lack of innocense and the fact that i believe it myself. .. make sense ?
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
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Emily Bronte
I often feel like I'm not real. It's weird and horrible. Just another crappy bpd thing I'm so sick of it.
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
it is horrible feeling like that. but if you go and stand on grass it flattens. If you run water over your hand.. that can all help to remind you you are real, give a sense of feeling
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i was thinking about this just now.. where do feelings stop being normal and become bpd feelings ? the extremeness ? the mood swings ?
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
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Emily Bronte
I've never been able to tell where my mood switches from.. 'average bad mood' to extreme BPD kind of moods...
I guess my only way of telling is when i get the the self destructive, nasty stage. by which time it is normally to late because i have insulted and hurt people etc.
i'm not sure if thats how you meant it ^..
Or you mean.. overall.
In which case, i dont suppose i ever thought about it or realised my moods were majorly different to anyone else's until i was diagnosed..
So do whatever it takes
‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin’ stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side
I've only had a few experiences with things that might be something like dissociations. I am even not sure if that were dissociations or something like that .
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I am still thinking if I should go to a psych ward for "crisis intervention" for some weeks soon- or not. You know, I have problems with hospitals and docs but well, I have been suffering a lot more than I usually do for WEEKS now.
But I still hope that I will get magically better (which means back to normal sh*t).
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The following content has been hidden - Reason : trouble with parents- might trigger
My dad was treating me bad some days before and I am still angry but he acts like everything is alright again. How I hate when my parents do this after troubles! I know, I cannot forget people easily but their "everything's OK again"- behaviour when I am still angry makes me the "bad girl who cannot forgive and who is difficult".
Last night, I had a nightmare of them and after nightmares, I always am angry and/or afraid of the people of my dreams the next day, too. This can be pretty extreme...embarrassing, isn't it?!
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The following content has been hidden - Reason : grieving and death trigger
Some days ago, my female best friend called me to say that her male best friend died tragically.
I always liked him a lot.
So, to top of all the other problems in my life, now there comes grieving, too.
Just thinking that on her next birthday, I won't be able to talk to him again. I am very sad, although I didn't meet him often.
Well, if I go inpatient NOW, I won't be able to support my best friend enough.
I can't control my destiny.
I trust my soul. My only goal is just to be. (Rent)
I'm selfish, inpatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. (Marilyn Monroe)
hey guys.
im not great with words but..
step back. take time for yourselves. Contemplate whats best for you. give yourself a chance. dont let other people influence how you feel . your not disappointments or hurting people . just be selfish today and take care of yourseleves.
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im not good. im scared and im low. im faking everything and im breaking down
A tyrant spell has bound me And I cannot, cannot go
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Emily Bronte
i can relate a lot to what people are saying re dissociation and feeling 'nothing' - i keep getting spaced out at the moment because my depression has come back with a bang, it feels like im seeing things from a distance like im not really there - its weird
those are some lovely words tho left in the centre - i think we should be more selfish and take care of ourselves - we deserve it
on a selfish note - ive got an assessment at main house tomorrow and im totally scared. my mood's making me feel worse as well as i havent even got the energy to speak so dont know how im going to cope. even my social worker said i need to present myself better tomorrow - that was helpful!
Good luck for your assessment dink, hope it goes ok. When i had mine they just asked a lot of questions about my history and my risks but the staff there are really nice and understanding. They know how hard it is to talk about stuff.
I'm really struggling with my thoughts this evening - really want to od - and the crisis team are being v unhelpful. Its like i either have to be in hospital or totally ok, no inbetween. I find it so hard being on my own in my flat, the feelings just seem to overwhelm me.
"Because you don't notice the light without a bit of shadow. Everything has both dark and light. You have to play with it until you get it exactly right."
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