there's definately something going on. another system? i don't know what it means by another system but there's another one we think. not 10 minutes ago there was somebody actually out, who we had no idea existed, called mia, who was scared and confused and wanted to "go back to lily and the blonde one". that's three alters we had no idea even existed who all seem to know each other. don't know what the ****'s going on. kyle's busy being calmed down by alice, it's like what? i don't usually post here but figured i'd get it posted for him, cos i had to deal with the after effects of everybody she spoke to being confused, because she spoke to somebody who doesn't know about the DID
Laura.x
I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared.
But no-one would listen, cos no-one else cared
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect but neither have you
Have to draw the system for our therapist. I spoke to her today and managed to sit through the whole session. Gave her some information that Megan doesn't know. Hope you all are okay.
i'm lara.. but i'm not.. my name is roberta, that's what my parents call me and i hate it. i guess that doesnt make much sense, sorry..... >.<
my head is banging and banging feels like it's gonna break in two
have to go to a bar tomorrow night... i let my friend persuade me, but roberta doesnt know yet. she won't like it because thursday is 6 months since something happens and she will think it's disrespectful, she will yell at me
we havent been here for a while .... we are ok mostly
Ella isnt eating much and she wont let anyone else eat for her
and she spends most of her time on pro ed forums
unsure what we can do
"DID suggests you're having trouble with your real identity, obviously, MPD is multiple personalities."
I find that a bit insulting. MPD is not even a recognized term anymore. It has been renamed DID, so they are in fact the same thing. I have DID so I do have other people living inside me/sharing my body. I am not "having trouble with my real identity."
But the fact is, those alters are split off aspects of a personality. That's why it's not called Multiple Personality Disorder anymore, because they are all aspects of one person. They are fragmented parts of an identity. Which would explain why you don't really like, grow a man's parts if you have a male alter, and so on.
Don't mean to press any buttons, but I found that offensive. And the sooner people realize it's not called MPD, but that it has rather been renamed in order to describe what it actually is - dissociated parts of an identity, the sooner people will be correctly informed.
Marko,
Sorry you are still waiting on your psych, that's a huge pain.
Sorry you are feeling so out of it today, might it help seeing your GP today? Perhaps they could provide some support?
Just wondering.
Bobbiwib,
All we can say is talk to Roberta about it... She may take it better than you expect. It may even be good for her to go out and take her mind off the anniversary...
Facet,
(We may be wrong) but as we read Eclectica's post we read the comment
Quote:
DID suggests you're having trouble with your real identity, obviously, MPD is multiple personalities.
To mean something more that the title implicated confusing/trouble with your identity, rather than her meaning that' comment being a description...
Does that make any sense?
Which brings us to something really interesting we read on DID/MPD in relation to the title change?... (Will try and find the link, we're for the most part very unorganized). It talks about a therpaist/psychiatrists theory on there being a difference between Dissociative Idenitity Disorder and Multiple personality disorder. (IT IS NOT A WIDELY ACCEPTED (or even accepted) THEORY) But is interesting none the less. As we were saying it talks about DID being just that, the DSM description of the disorder, but MPD being such that the person in question with the disorder began splitting at such an early age (perhaps in the womb) that there was no "original" personality that makes the term DID obsolete. Meaning that the splitting occured so early that there was no original self to be split off from, so that the person in question DID in fact have 'multiple personalities'
We found it interesting... (Will look for link)
We're still struggling....
Went out with some friends today to celebrate a birthday. Just went to a cafe and had something to eat. Was good. Got all spaced out and disconnected, but they are great friend and understand.
We planned on doing some journaling tonight to see if we could suss out what happened (with the cutting) the other night, but don't feel like we have the energy.... Feeling like ***** on a stick really...
person in question with the disorder began splitting at such an early age (perhaps in the womb)
wow! i didn't even know that could happen. is splitting as early as in the womb biological or part of trauma? do unborn children even have a personality to split? that was really interesting.
saw GP, took me of the SSRI's as they have done absolutely nothing at all in the last 2 months for me so no point in continuing. said I could try another one or wait to see what the talking lady thinks, I chose to wait.
Spoke to talking lady a few hours later (about an hour ago) and she has referred me for humanistic therapy??? for my 'detachment issues'.
I will be quite honest, I dont see this doing anything for me.
Tonights plan is to sit down with my Fiance and discuss this crap with her, if im stuck with this and am going to have to 'accept it' i cant do it alone.
not a happy bunny today. detachment? wtf!
hush little baby, don't say a word, and never mind that noise you heard
it's just the beast under your bed, in your closet, in your head
i think you have already decided from the prognosis you've read for depersonalisation disorder that you're incurable. try and keep an open mind and give it a chance - therapy may not make it go away, but the definition for recovery of mental health problems is "the ability to live a good life in the presence or absence of mental illness". so you might just learn to cope better, rather than be cured.
I have just texted my fiancee telling her what the docs have told me today and a brief explanation as to what it is. I dont look forward to her reply or talking to her tonight, its going to be awkward, weird and shitty.
Is this really 'as good as it gets'?
I hope not.
hush little baby, don't say a word, and never mind that noise you heard
it's just the beast under your bed, in your closet, in your head
It can indeed happen.
It isn't biological, it still happens through trauma.......Some babies are intentionally traumatized whilst still in the womb for this reason......
:'(
thanks for commenting on that facet. I found it quite insulting too but i didn't comment.
Things have been calming down a bit lately, which is good ... still having problems with nightmares, i have to sleep inside so it's more managable when i freak out.
I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared.
But no-one would listen, cos no-one else cared
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect but neither have you
Our arm is hurting and I'm feeling pretty annoyed at whoever did it.... I'm always left to pick up the pieces when someone harms. Have to go into the Dr's tomorrow for them to check on the stitches and all... ugh...
ash
This is what i posted a few nights ago in 'Serious discussion':
Quote:
My name is Ash.
I'm a multiple.
I have Dissociative Identity disorder.
Whoever the original inside this body is, split before we could talk or walk.
EXTREMELY TRIGGERING
We were abused s*xually by our dad from infancy. In every way you can imagine. We were r*ped daily from age 4. We were abused s*xually in every way you could imagine.
We were also taken to a group we call 'the ring' they tortured us. These people had "Access" to us from a young age, they trained, used and abused us. They abused us s*xually, emotionally, physically, verbally, psychologically and neglected us. We were literally "trained" to do all sorts of things for them. From s*xual things, to drug trafficking, theft, and to not disobey or not comply with orders. To accomplish this loyalty in us we were tortured. Literally tortured. We would be brought to the brink of death to cause a split, when the split was achieved, these people had a blank canvas. They could train us to do anything, with extreme punishment/torture from themselves as well as unique punishment set-ups placed in our internal alter system. Punishment could be anything from s*xual things, to severe beatings, electric shocks, drugged and ab*sed.
We were taught to neglect our basic needs: water, food and shelter.
We would be left in a dark cold room alone for hours on end, sometimes days, with no knowledge of when we'd be let out, and no human contact, apart from that of the trainer, who would occasionally come into the room and offer food or water, which if we accepted we would be punished further.
These people. These people that hurt us when we were children have been abusing us since. Even after we left that extremely fragile home situation. 2 months ago when we were in a psych hospital, we were picked up and attacked then dumped back outside the hospital......
