Triggering - Story - Untitled at the moment Triggering suic. SI, OD, ED, Sexual Abuse, Mental and Physical Abuse

[PaperClip]

WOW - Can't wait for the next bit!!

[littlebylittle_daybyday]

thank you thank you
*bows and gets bouques of flowers thrown at her and a pair of underwear...hold underwear up with a weird look on face*
"what th---"

[Cryptic.]

Amazing work!!! Can't wait for more.xx

[ksdaughter]

WOW WOW WOW!!! this story is really good really cant wait to read more

[littlebylittle_daybyday]

sorry i haven't been on inna while
heres the newest updates
theres plenty more chapters, so ill put up a little bit at the current time
tell me what you think, as always
=]

Enjoy!

[littlebylittle_daybyday]

Part II
Secret Lovers
(Alli's Point of View)









Chapter XIII

*Xoe's P.O.V*
“Hello!?”
I faintly hear Alli’s voice and the opening and closing of the front door.
“Hello??”
She must’ve noticed one of her knives missing, fore seconds after I heard her footsteps in the kitchen, she came bounding up the stairs. I faintly hear the bathroom door open and she walks to the shower. She opens the shower door and her hands fly to her mouth. I close my eyes the rest of the way and drift away again.

*Alli‘s P.O.V*

I open the shower door and see her lying in the shower. She is lying, nearly unconscious, shivering in the corner of the tub. I stand, stunned at what I see, for a moment. Time seems to be standing still as I stand in shock. I’m unable to move. Finally my brain registers and tells me to do something. I climb into the shower, cold water hitting my back and soaking my clothing and footwear. It’s freezing cold in the bathroom. No wonder why, the water is why it’s so cold. It feels like ice hitting me, as I loop one arm under he knees and one under her back. I kick the shower door back open with my foot and carry her limp naked body to the bedroom. There’s a trail of water and blood following behind me. Her cuts are bad and I panic. I lay her almost lifeless body down on the bed. By this time, she’s already fully unconscious. I continue in my panic and decide to wrap her in some warm blankets. I see the blood seeping through them and decide to get a couple of napkins, some gauze and 3 or 4 ace bandages. I wrap up her wounds, applying pressure to the ones on her legs, and wrap an ace bandage or two tightly around her stomach. I lye on the bed next to her after propping her head up with a pillow. I toss some different blankets into the dryer and bound back to the bedroom as quickly as I can. I check the blankets 5 minutes later. They’re not hot, but they’re at least warm. Once more, I move quickly to the bedroom. I lift her naked body once more and place her on the warm blanket. I wrap the blanket around her and secure it tightly by tucking it underneath her. The blanket is all the way up past her chin to her bottom lip. I place my hand in front of her mouth to make sure she’s still breathing. Her lips are blue, and her skin has a pale white color to it, with a purple tint. Her hair is caked with mud and soaking my bed. I lay next to her and hold her. I know she’s not awake, but I still must cuddle her. I can’t bear seeing her like this. But I can’t call an ambulance. She would hate me forever. And though her health is far more important than her thoughts and feelings for me, I still want what she wants. I’m in love with her. I remain next to her on the bed, arms wrapped around her tight.
I can’t lose you girly.
I won’t.
An hour passes and she still has not awakened. I was supposed to be back to work 20 minutes ago but my boss can suck it. The love of my life is knocked out with hypothermia. She tried killing herself. If he doesn’t understand an emergency when it happens, than let him fire me. I couldn’t care less. I linger next to her, and brush the hair from her face. I begin to pet her head. I stare at her, wondering how she could’ve done this to herself. What had driven her to it this time? I have no clue what it was, but it must have been horrible. She had never gone as far as giving herself hypothermia before. I’m still petting her head when I realize the tears falling from my eyes. I try to blink them away, for I cannot wipe them. I am unwilling to let go of my dear Xoe. I whisper her name and get no response, of course; she’s unconscious. Suddenly I hear her choke and gag. I sit up quickly, calling out her name. She is lying next to me, but she seems a million miles out of reach. She turns her head and mumbles something, but I can’t understand what she says. It’s all a bunch of garble. She gasps for air and I find her inhaler on my nightstand and insert it into her mouth for her. I puff it and force her to hold her breath. She pushes it away and tries to sit up, falling back down. Unsuccessful with her first effort, she tries again. This time she succeeds but I push her back onto the bed.
“Oh no you don’t sweetie. Lay down”
She looks at me, confused. She looks as if she’s never been in this world before and doesn’t understand English. But she listens and stays lying down. I put on some hot water and make her some honey tee. I give her the mug and allow her to prop herself up on some pillows. She won’t talk, but she does sip the tea in small amounts through the straw I had supplied her.
She sets down her tea on the nightstand near the bed and looks up at me. I look her in the eyes and tell her how glad I am that she woke up. I explain to her how worried I was and what had happened that I knew of. She still does not talk, so I decide not to make her. I’ve already asked her 3 times what had happened to drive her to do this, but she just looks away, tears forming in her eyes. I lay quietly on the bed with her, and hold her tightly. To my surprise, she lets me. She shakes whenever she closes her eyes, but within 2 hours, she is asleep. I remain on the bed next to her. Her body is starting to get color back, but she should’ve gotten dressed before going back to sleep. I don’t mind that she’s naked, it won’t hurt my bed any, and she’s wrapped in a blanket; so she should be warm enough. I cuddle her as she sleeps, and find it almost impossible for me to sleep with the situation she’s just been in. More after, I fall asleep after about 4 hours of stroking her hair and thanking whoever is above me for helping her pull through. I dream of something I’ve never dreamt of before. Something I’ve always ignored, and never before acknowledged. Thus, My love for Xondra Castiano.



Chapter X IV


I walk down the long corridor from the waiting room.
The receptionist said room 221, right?
The walls are of a brick texture, and they’re painted white. I continue my walk, in search of the room.
112.
114.
116.
I look down at the shred of paper the secretary gave me. After room 123, I turn left. Then I take the stairs to the third floor and go strait until I come to the end of the hall. I then take another left. To my understanding, room 221 is in that branch of the hallway.
As I walk along the halls, I run my hand along the brick siding of the corridor. It’s bumpy and starts to irritate my hand after a bit, so I stop. Continuing on, I begin to think. I wonder if her appearance has changed any? Will she still be the same girl? The Xoe I fell in love with? I climb the stairs and go strait.
175.
179.
191.
My thoughts continue racing. So many thoughts, and yet all the time I have to think about them is this walk. Short yet long at the same time. What will I say? What will she do when she sees me? Will she even remember me? I know she’s not expecting me; on account that I never told her I was visiting, and when I signed in I told them not to tell her.
I approach her door, and raise my right arm as if to knock. Stalling a moment, I bring my arm back to my side. It’s just all too awkward, visiting her in this place. It doesn’t fit her. She shouldn’t be here. I know it’s better for her, and the people here will help her overcome her sickness, but I just. I can’t stand the sight of what she might look like. So before knocking on the door, I pace back and forth through the corridor or the 3rd floor. I decided at last to just get it over. Maybe she won’t remember me, then I could just say I had the wrong room and walk away. No, she has to remember me. We had been through everything together. I don’t know what I would do if she didn’t remember me. These thoughts, of course, made me even more nervous. I filled my lungs with air, braced myself, and knocked on the door,
Once,
Twice,
Three times.
No answer.
I stood back from the door, and waited, patiently for somebody to appear. I heard voices, and so I decided to knock again. Right as I was raising my arm to knock, the door opened. I was expecting Xoe to answer, but instead a short Jamaican woman appeared in the entry way of the room. She looked a little older than 18. Clearly, she too was a patient here. She just looked me up and down, and spoke to somebody inside.
“Xondra!? Do you know of anybody that would have come to visit?”
As soon as I heard her name, all of the times I’d called her name came back to me. Thoughts, memories. Everything.
“Um, I‘m not sure.. I don‘t think anybody knows I‘m here”
“Well somebody is here, and I know she aint for me”
“I’ll be there in a second, okay Lince?”
Lince, interesting name for a Jamaican.


Chapter XV


When I awoke, I had a message from my boss. I didn’t feel like checking it at the moment, so I walked through the house to the bathroom. Splashing water on my face, I realized, Xoe was nowhere to be found when I woke up. Where had she gone? Why must she always disappear on me? I dried off my face and went to the kitchen. Grabbing the phone from the base I see I have 3 other calls besides from my boss. One was from Xoe. She left earlier in the morning I guess, because she left the message around 11:30 am. I looked at the clock. It was now 2:23 pm. She didn’t leave a message, she just hung up when the answering machine picked up.
Typical Xondra. And she has a fit when I do it.
The next message was from my cousin, wanting me to go to the store for her. The last one set me off. It was Austin; wondering where in the hell Xoe took off to. After what she told me last night, I wasn’t about to let him find out she had been here. I wasn’t about to let him find out anywhere she was. He was a bastard. I had always thought so, but she had never wanted to listen to me. I figured I would call Xoe and see to it that she was okay. The phone rang twice, then I heard her voice on the other end of the receiver.

“Hello?”
Her voice was still shaky.
“Hey baby. How are you?”
“Do you have to ask that?”
“Well, Why did you leave without waking me up?”
“Dunno, Just needed to be alone I guess.”
“Why don’t you come back over, after last night, I’m not sure being alone is something you need right now”
“I’ll be fine, I’m going to get in the shower. I’ll call you back when I get the chance.”
I knew I had to let her know how I felt.
“Alright…Bye”
“Bye”
She was about to hang up when I quickly said,
“Xondra? I--”
“What? What is it?”
“I love you. Good bye, promise to call me later?”
“Love you too Alli, I promise. Bye”

And with that, our conversation had ended. I’m not quite sure she knew how much I meant it though, if she’d known at all that I meant it, and not just as a best friend.
Chapter XVI


She came to the door in a red bathrobe, and slippers to match. The moment she saw me she tackled me against the wall on the opposite side of the hallway. She didn’t let go of the hug, neither did I, until her roommate finally said, “alright you too, break it up”. We did as told and she held her hands on my shoulder, and told me what people usually say after not seeing each other for almost a year.

“Oh my god! Alli! You look so good! I love what you did to your hair!”
My hair has always been like that. What’s she talking about?
“Thanks, so do you! You look great! Way better than I do anyways!”
Lie. Her hair was knotted and the ends were split. Under her eyes was a charcoal gray, and the whites were red from not sleeping, or something. She looked horrible. What was going on with her in this place?
“Oh, you don’t have to say that. Though I’m flattered that you would”
She giggled.
I had always loved her laugh.
“So what have you been up to? What’s it like staying here?”
“Eh, could be better, but at least I’m getting the help the doctors seem to think I need. I honestly think I’m fine but…everyone has their own opinions right?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Hey, why don’t you come in instead of standing in the hall?”
I follow her through the doorway, and Lince stairs at me. Xoe removes her robe, throwing it on the bed. She wears a black tank top, tight and short, a little past her bellybutton. Her shorts are short enough to reveal the many scars on her mid-thighs down to her knees. She didn’t seem to care that I could see them, after all, would you care if the person that always dressed your wounds saw your scars? I wouldn’t. I stare at her for a moment, in shock. He ribs are showing through her shirt.
Don’t tell me she was secretly throwing up again.
“Well I see you lost some weight”
“Yeah, it’s the medicines they have me on. The make my body mass, and weight all wacky, same with my eating habits.”
“ooh, sounds fun”
I hope she didn’t miss the sarcasm in that.
“Oh, oodles of it.”
She giggled once more.
Oh how I would love to be able to hear that laugh of hers everyday again.
“So how have you been lately, you know, with … cutting?”
“Well, I’m not allowed to have any sharp objects, but besides that, I’ve been doing pretty good. But lately I’ve been feeling kind of down. I don’t know, maybe it’s the weather. It has been kind of rainy lately”
“yeah, I heard it’s a pretty rainy place when I was talking to the secretary downstairs”
“Yeah. But it’s a nice place, we have a pool, and a gym so we can workout. We also have group therapy sessions, and solo sessions. The counselors are surprisingly really nice here”
Surprisingly? Aren’t they supposed to be nice in these places?
“What do you need the gym for!? Walking up those stairs is workout enough!”
“Yeah, that’s what I said when I first got here, they told me it was because not everybody has a third floor room.”
She giggles again.
“Well, lucky them. Why don’t they have elevators?”
“They do, but they’re only for the physically handicapped. They’re afraid we will be alone for too long and do something”
“Well, at least they’re doing their jobs, right?”
“Guess so. They treat us with respect, and don’t treat us like we’re inhuman because of our problems. That’s more than I can say for most people in this god-for-saken world”
“I know what you mean, but yeah. It seems like a pretty nice place”
“It is. We have a certain time when they give us our medicines. It’s usually right before our group sessions, so nobody has any outrages and goes psychotic during group. That’d be embarrassing for them and awkward for the rest of us”
“I bet”
“Yeah. It’s happened before though. Only once or twice, but it’s still happened.”
I really miss being able to talk to her almost everyday on the phone. Being able to see her many times a week. Going out to lunch, dinner, and sometimes breakfast. Spending holidays together. I miss it all. I really just can’t wait till she gets out of this place. I know she insists that it’s nice. But I just can’t help but think they’re corrupting her in some sort of way.
Chapter XVII


3 days passed. Still no call from Xoe. I was starting to get worried. I’d called her house many a times, but she never picked up. I even stopped by a couple times too, but nobody answered my knocks on the door. I wonder where she could be? I’m sure she’s fine, but if Austin discovered she had told me what happened, he’s kill her for certain. I’m lost without her for 3 days, how would I be able to deal with her gone for the rest of my life? It then occurred to me, with this thought, how selfish I was being. I was thinking of how lost I’d be if she was gone forever, and not what would happen to her. I was so consumed in my own thoughts that I hadn’t thought of calling her parents to see if they had heard from her. But then again, she’d be in deep **** if she’d run away and they found out. And she’d never talk to me again if they found out from me.
There I go again. Selfish, as always.
What was I going to do? Time was everything. 3 days, 2 nights, no phone calls, no face to face talks. Where was she?
I must admit, I wasn’t all in my right mind when I went to the police. They must’ve thought I was crazy when I had told them what had happened to my friend, and that nobody had reported it. They said they would’ve kept her safe and that if it had really happened, we would’ve gone strait to them.
Keep telling yourself that, fatty.
Nice policemen in my town. They sit on their fat asses eating donuts all day long. People are being murdered, robbed, abused, and raped everyday, and what do they do? A big fat NOTHING. I’ve lost faith in everyone, including myself.
I have to find her.
I have to let her know how I really feel.
I have to make sure she knows just what I meant the other night on the phone.

[TheArtOfEscape]

tis brilliant! more pleaseeeeeeeee :)

[littlebylittle_daybyday]

tank you!
more will be soon

[wishing.to.sleep]

you are so amazingly talented your story is adictive!
can i join the fan club too?
:P
:)
keep up the amazing writing!
xx

[littlebylittle_daybyday]

Quote:

Originally Posted by wishing.to.sleep

you are so amazingly talented your story is adictive!
can i join the fan club too?
:P
:)
keep up the amazing writing!
xx

Yes you may. Thank you very much for the complement!!
Would you like me to put on somepopcorn while you guys wait for more chapters to be put up?

[Crayon,]

Oooh, yay for the updates. More soon? Please..

[littlebylittle_daybyday]

possible updates for tonight guys.
I'll keep you posted.

*makes more popkorn for incase we run out*
I bought a couch for us *drags red couch into room and watches as everybody sits down*

Lets keep our fingers crossed for an update tonight!!!

[TheArtOfEscape]

*jumps on the couch, steals the popcorn and crosses fingers*

[littlebylittle_daybyday]

haha, thanks TheArtOfEscape.

sorry I didnt' update last night folks, I wrote more then fell asleep at my computer desk. I woke up aroudn 9 this mornign in the same clothes as yesterday and the first thing i thought of was,
"AH! I DIDNT UPDATE!! I TOLD THEM I WOULD!"

so here's the update!...
ENjOy.

[littlebylittle_daybyday]

Chapter XVIII


“How did you find me?”
Her eyes were so beautiful before she left. Now they’re puffy, and red. I dazed out, and still had managed to lose myself staring into them. She repeated herself,
“How did you find me?”
I snap out of my trance, and look at her roommate, who’s standing in the bathroom doorway and staring at me.
“I .. uh. I was thinking of you a lot lately, and I uh.. I remembered that I had written down the address of the place you were sent to. I was just kind of hoping you were still here.”
“How come you didn’t come sooner? I’ve been missing you an awful lot”
“I know, I’m sorry. I feel terrible. I promised I’d visit you once a week if not more, and I never did. If you’re mad at me, I understand.”
She giggled, and grabbed the sides of my cheeks.
“How could I be mad at my Alli!?”
“And I’ve missed you too Xo. Things aren’t the same without you around”
That was no lie. I remember the day she went away. The workers of St. Ikes literally had to pull her out of my arms. I cried with her, and held her until they tore her from me. I noticed, that day, why she had cut. To cope. To relieve. To forget, even if it were just for minutes, seconds. I began slicing myself after that. I decided it wasn’t fair she had gone through all that pain and I hadn’t experienced any of it. St. Ikes took her away from me, my love, they took it … They took my life. They were responsible for the depression I slipped into after he going away. They made her go. I know she needed to, but my question was…Why couldn’t I help her? How come I wasn’t enough?

Chapter XV IV


Since the police station isn’t going to do anything, I will. God only knows where in the hell she is, and I wasn’t about to take any chances of her being with Austin. If he had the thought that she’d told me what happened, he’d kill her. I hope the thought hadn’t crossed his mind yet, for if it did, she’s in big trouble.
stop saying that.
I’m sure she’s just at her house, and wants to be alone.
I would too if it was me.
I get in the car, turn up the radio and pull out of the parking spot. Just as I do so, Guess who I see? Austin.
That son of a bitch, he followed me.
He steps in front of the car, so of course, I stop. I would’ve loved to hit him, but for Xo’s sake, I don’t. If I’m in jail, I can’t find her. And if I don’t, nobody will unless she’s in a body bag. It’s not like her parents will be out looking for her. If only I could’ve hit him and gotten away with it.
He comes to my window, and I roll it down, hesitating for a moment, then deciding to lock the door. He looks at me and I lower the radio too.
I’ve never noticed how scary looking this kid actually was.
He opens his mouth, and begins to speak
“Where’s my baby-doll? She in there with you?
“No. As a matter of fact, I was wondering the same question. Is she maybe at your house?”
“Psh, not a chance. I’ve been looking for her for the past 4 days.”
“Same here. So I take it you understand how I feel then.”
“mm, possibly. Not in the same ways I’m sure, but whatever your heart desires to let your head think.”
“Oh thank you for being so nice”
I hope to god he didn’t let my sarcasm go unnoticed.
“You got any idea where she might be?”
Psh, does he think I’d actually tell him if I did?
“No. I was kind of hoping you could tell me that”
“How in the hell would I know?”
“I don’t know. How in the hell did you know I was here?”
“Followed your car. What were you in the police station for?”
“My uncle works there. And if you followed me, why didn’t you just do the same to her?”
“Alright bitch, stop with the sarcasm. I know she told you, there’s no point in pretending nothing happened between me and her anymore”
“What are you talking about? Told me what?”
Please god, don’t let him notice I’m lying.
“We f***ed. That’s right, I got in her pants”
Please don’t say it was consensual. You bastard. You fake ass dirt-bag.
“And it was good as f***. I must say, she’s a feisty one when underneath people”
“Oh spare me the details you pig.”
F***.
Why did I say that.
He starts getting tensed up and I can see the veins in his forehead. The veins in his neck are sticking out noticeably also. He’s pissed, and I know he isn’t going to let me off with nothing this time.
“What did you say to me bitch?”
“Oh, you didn’t hear me? That’s a surprise”
Shut your mouth you stupid girl. Don’t egg him on.
“Excuse me? What a bitch! You really are something. You think you’re all tough sticking up to your best friend’s boyfriend. Well I got something to tell you. You’re nothing. You never were and I bet you never will be. No, I take that back...I don’t bet, I know.”
“Oh really? Well if I’m nothing, then what are you? Oh, that’s right, you can’t be nothing and a filthy pig at once. Or can you? I bet you would know the answer to that asshole”
“Bitch, You’re going to get it. I swear. I’ll teach you your lesson. And I’ll be damned if you f*** with me again”
I notice at this moment that I’m very grateful for thinking of locking my door. I pulls on the handle and realizes the doors locked. As he tries to reach in through the open window, I close his hand in it. I’m scared, but I can’t let him notice. That’ll be an even bigger accomplishment for him. He appears to be walking away. I relax my body and un-tense myself. I put the car in reverse and as I go to look behind me to back up, I see him approaching the back window of the car. He has a baseball bat in his hand. A metal one. I gulp in terror but decide to start pulling forward. I shift gears and attempt to drive away, but before I can I hear a loud whap on the rear window. He walks to the side of the car and starts hitting the car door. The car dies and I try to start it again. Fail. The key turns again and she tries to start, but again, no success. Of all the times for the car to stall, she decides it will be now. He breaks the side window of the drivers seat and I duck down, screaming. He reaches inside and unlocks the door. He opens it and grabs me by the hair. As he’s dragging me out of the car, my foot gets caught under the gas pedal. This aggravates him, making his rage even greater.
“I swear bitch. I’ll f***ing kill you”




To be continued...
..Dun dun dun..

[PaperClip]

wow - please quickly update!! Is she ok??? xxx

[wishing.to.sleep]

oh my goosh intensity!
this is sooo good!
ahhhh
im freakin out tho, is she gonna be okay??

[Crayon,]

Noo, i hate cliffhangers, you have to update, please?

[littlebylittle_daybyday]

heh heh heh. I have yet to decide that. And I can't tell youz! That would ruin mii Storyline!!!
I'll try to write more soon, okiez? If not, I'm sorry,
Regents are coming up so I may not be able to focus as well.

[Palladion]

Great story, i really like it .... but

you can't leave it like that!!! i need to know if she's ok.

please please update soon