Triggering (OD) - im sick....

[pea soup]

so yeah...last night was bad.
fought with my brother...physically.
and he said some really nasty things.
he said i didnt pay any bills around here because i receive disability..so that means the government pays. he doesnt care that i do everything for him. he told me how lazy i was no matter that i keep this house clean...he does nothing.
then my sis called and asked if i was ok. i told her i felt like killing myself. she said "well, thats your business" very sarcastically. so i hung up on her...i couldnt take it.
i cried for a long time....thought about my baby. prayed.
and then i took X amount of sleeping pills.
but guess what??? i ****ing woke up.
and i woke up quite sickly feeling. i know its my own damn fault.
i dont know why i continue to wish that my family could understand or at least accept me for who i am.
it would be different if i wasnt around them all the time.
they are famous for their guilt trips.
i feel quite useless....and the funny thing is...i thought i was doing pretty well taking care of everything around here with no help.
oh well.
xx

[crazykat]

Hey sweetie
Sorry last night was so bad for you. I understand what its like when your family don't support you. You think that they are the ones that are supposed to be there for you and it hurts when they aren't. Overdoses can be dangerous hunny tho, I think to be on the safe side you should get checked out at A&E or at least PM a first aid advisor with what you took so they can advise you better on what to do. You are not useless at all, sounds like you do alot for your family but they throw it back in your face. Anyways PM if you wanna talk and take care of yourself.
kat xxx

[pea soup]

thank you...


he called.
i answered.
why? im stupid.
i told him of the OD.
he told me i didnt love my son.
i want to kill him.
i asked him if he'd ever been so low? he said yes. i said no you havent. he then said you dont know where ive been!!! i said EXACTLY!!! just as you have no idea what ive felt like either. he shut up after that.

im so low. desperate even.
im sorry for taking up so much space on the board.
im not going to post anymore for a while. its completely selfish of me and im sorry.
xx

[Ragdoll]

It's not selfish at all hun, you're entitled to post as much as anyone else.

I hope things look better soon
x

[raining_inmyhead]

*holds you tight* please continue posting sweetie,
i'm sorry he said that... please keep yourself safe and be with people if you need to, we're here for you
*hugs*
x

[crazykat]

Sweetie please keep posting, it is not selfish of you. We are all here for you.
Kat xxxx

[Merc]

keep posting. You know bottling it up willmake it that much worse...you have every right to to post and ask for support...dont feel selfish.
And just so you know? I happen to think you ARE doing a great job keeping things going..doingmore than you should have too actually.
romp

[Destinationzero]

You do your part! The sad thing is that most families no matter how they say they want to be sympathetic or empathetic or help don't really understand. I don't know if it is in their capacity as family to do that. You are a great person though who is caring and sensitive. You brother was just trying to get to you. You're not selfish for posting either. If people want to post they will.