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Triggering (Suicide/Sexual Abuse) - I feel so lonely.
Kind of having a rough time at the moment. Life doesnt seem worth living. Im dirty, un-clean and i feel like, im the only person in the world. I just want to wrap myself away from the world. Im getting to the point were I don't like going out, because i feel people are staring, knowing what a dirty little whore I am.
I seem to talk to people at the moment, and feel like i have to scream at them to listen. I was thinking about my sexual abuse today and i just know the sentences from the abuse that make me cry, cringe, and cut.
"You want to see my kittens?"
"I want you to be my girlfriend"
"I knew if i touched your boobs, they'd get bigger"
"Your too tight"
"Im going to tickle your mummy now"
"You've got a lovely bum"
Makes me cry. Makes me feel crazy, did it happen? Or did i let them? Did i encourage it!?
The man at the train station touched my little sisters belly! HOW COULD HE!!!!!! HOW ****ING COULD HE! DIRTY BASTARD! I let him, i didnt protect her! Im a failure of a big sister. I give up i really do.
I feel so lonely at the moment. Like no one really likes me, like they are giving me pity.
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