Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - tonight *urgent*

[farawayfairy]

I'm scared. Since the memories of 'that' have been playing up I get scared to go out to clubs. I have to go out tonight though. And the only thing I have to wear to go out tonight is my red dress. 'The' red dress. The one I wore when 'it' happened. Trying not to let the flashbacks come. Going out with a new group of people too. Two friends and the rest of their kitchen who I barely know. Oh my god what if something happens? What if one of them tries to do it? I'm terrified! The boys from their kitchen scare me anyway. What if someone does it again? I'm scared. I'm trying to fight so hard against the feeling of his hands. *shudders*

[bobbiwibble]

you dont have to go honey :)
maybe try wearing the red dress around for a bit at other times? i have managed to desensitise myself to certain items of clothing by wearing them around my house
only a very small minority of men are like that, and an even smaller minority of boys
xxxxxxxxxxbobbi

[farawayfairy]

I know I don't have to go but part of me wants to because it's to celebrate the end of exams and will be the first time I go out with my housemates for next year. That's a good idea about the clothes. Maybe I could change into the dress now and try and get used to it before I go out. I feel all icky :(

[bobbiwibble]

youre not at all icky *huggles*

good fairy

do either of your friends know that you are scared, or the reasons
maybe they could keep an eye on you and take you outside for some air if you need it

[farawayfairy]

I've just told one of them that I'm scared and it was about 'something that happened in the past' but I haven't told them what and I don't intend to. It's scary them knowing that much but at least now they can try and keep an eye on me. Urgh why does this have to be so scary?

[bobbiwibble]

because being brave is scary :)

you did really well

she will look after you

[farawayfairy]

I hope so. I'm really really scared. Going out in a few minutes but it's so so hard to keep the flashbacks at bay. I'm in my dress and I hate it. It's a dirty dress not a nice one. Well it must be nice because it attracted 'him' but I don't like it anymore. Dirty dirty dirty. Not sure which one I want to tear apart most - me or the dress. I'll be safe until later tonight though. Don't know what will happen later.

[bobbiwibble]

well.. if you do really well tonight, and can go to a club and have a nice time, then you will be very brave :) and can buy yourself a new dress maybe, as a reward

[ghosts in the machine]

How did last night go for you? Hope you are okay. xx

[farawayfairy]

Thanks for your support last night. I found it very hard but I did manage to cope being out! Struggled a lot but I did it :)

[bobbiwibble]

well done :)

*huggles*

[fallen wings44]

yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyy *safe hugs you* im very happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ghosts in the machine]

I'm glad it went better than you expected =) You're stronger than you give yourself credit.