showering and dirtiness

[farawayfairy]

I was just wondering whether I was weird or whether anyone else gets like this too?

My personal hygiene at the moment is quite appalling (I posted in MH a few weeks ago and have ideas how to combat that, but that's not what I'm asking here). I tend to leave having a shower until I feel really disgusting (and am!) but the difference is, when I do eventually have a shower, I feel clean physically, but feel even more dirty emotionally etc. It's as if the layer of dirt on me is a protection from feeling his hands on me. It's confusing because surely I ought to feel cleaner after washing rather than feeling dirtier?

Please excuse me for being so disgusting. I'm ashamed asking about this but I really need to know whether I'm alone in this or not.

Thanks.

[fallen wings44]

i feel that way too......
you are not alone in feeling like this
dont worry *safe hugs*
and you are not disgusting

hunni YOU ARE NOT DESGUSTING
im exactly the same
i mean i washed my hair yesterday for the first time in two weeks
i know its hard to say just wash because i know its not that easy
i find when i wash that i get flashbacks cos have to clean that area.
so i do understand
and i promise you that i will still hug you
and we can buy each other pegs so that we cant smell each other :)
your a wonderful person
and sooooo amazing
and something that might help that i do sometimes
is
buy some cleansing wipes and wash with them it still sucks but i find not as much.
*hugs*

[shadow-light]

I'm the opposite... I'll have 5 or 6 showers on day I'm feeling bad... and usually at least 2 on any other days... just in an attempt to feel clean or uncontaminated...


but, what you're saying does make sense... I guess we've both just reacted in separate ways to things


also, as has been said you are not at all disgusting

[bobbiwibble]

I dunno.. I get like that too when I have to shower or bath but I find it hard because I don't like having no clothes on, for a lot of last year I couldnt shower unless I was wearing a swimming costume which was a bit rubbish :/
I wash my hair every day though, over the sink. I think I do that to make up for not paying as much attention to my body? And I clean my teeth like 6 times every day, especially if I eat something

[sophieamber]

i get funny showering and bathing so i wear a bikini, can't bear to see or feel myself naked and just pour loads of bubble bath so i dont have to touch myself intimately. it makes me feel sick and i put off bathing and washing as i hate the look and feel of my naked body, im repulsive and feel there's something wrong with me down below as a result and stuff. lots of abuse victims feel the same, im sure of it.

[ghosts in the machine]

I can't stand being undressed, and on a good week will be able to have 2, possible 3, showers. On a bad week I have to get changed under the duvet as seeing my body makes me feel ill.

I tend to feel worse after showering because of the whole nakedness and having to clean certain areas.. plus people don't tend to pay attention to me when I don't bother with my appearance.

[shadow-light]

starting to think I;m the odd one out lol


I literally can't stand not showering... on a day I feel bad I can have upwards of 8... on a really really bad day I may as well never leave the bathroom for showering, bathing, teeth brushing, etc...

though I have developed some rediculas fear of uncleanliness and contamination since what happened to me... even to the point of it developing into a form of eating disorder (orthorexia) amongst other things... every time I eat I have to brush teeth and wash, when I get up first thing I do is shower, when I get in from uni I shower, some days I can't go to uni as before I get there I feel this need to shower... when I don't shower I feel so bad, like a fine layer of oil is covering me... and then I end up having to cut or purge to make myself feel less dirty and contaminated...