Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - so guilty but so angry help :'(

[bobbiwibble]

i just got a tearful call from a friend. shes just been raped. she doesnt know its ever happened to me, i dont think, and she definitely doesnt know it happened 2 days ago.. but i cant help her. i couldnt reply, and i ended up switching my phone off. im awful. im a terrible, terrible person. but i dont know what to do. i didnt know what to say to her, it just made me feel ill and sick and angry and i dont know why it made me angry.. i guess because i didnt feel close enough to her to ever tell her the truth and now i've missed my chance. i dont think she would have listened and i dont think she would have understood.
i know she's ok - shes with her boyfriend now and he is amazing (in fact he's more of my friend rather than her) so shes safe and she has someone to talk to and to comfort her, but i think i'm just saying that to make it easier for me. i dont know why im being so selfish. i hate it. i hate myself for it, and i hate myself for not asking people for help, because it turns out if you call people up and tell them youve just been raped then they are nice to you and dont hate you - unless theyre me. i can never ask anybody for help and maybe this is why - because i wont give it selfish selfish fat WHORE

what do i do what do i do
i cant call her
i just cant
i cant stop crying and i feel ill
why do i feel like this
i have no right to feel like this
shes the one whos the victim and yet im not helping her and i dont understand why
please tell me what to do, someone, anyone :'( please

hun your not a bad person i probably would have done the same.
maybe you could show her this website and it might help her.

*safe hugs*

you are a lovely lovely girl

[bobbiwibble]

but i LIKE helping people its what i do :'( its all i can do, i cant help myself
im bad at helping people but i always tried
now im not even trying
there is only one person who has treated me this badly when i told them about the bad thing and even though we made up i can never like or trust him again. i think he's horrible. i think he's selfish i dont want to be that person
i cant even help you :'(

hun maybe try explaining it to her hun
im unhelp-able
i wish i could help you

*safe hugs*

[shadow-light]

try not to feel bad... what you did is understandable, I know you like helping people, but sometimes you have to protect yourself... otherwise you could end up in a possition of being no use to anyone...

maybe give it a few days and then speak to her?

[SilentJudgement]

The fact is your friend isnt the only victim here. You are to. Is there anyway you can write her an email explaining that the same thing has happened to you. Im sure she wont be upset, and you cant physically help anyone. You are both going through traumatic times, you arent a bad person. Give it a few days and then see how things are going.

You have a right to feel angry because the same thing has happened to you, you arent actually angry at her. I actually wrote a post on abuse, it didnt get many replies so isnt on the first page but there was a part about how people who have been abused in anyway may feel and anger is one of them.

Anger is a common feeling that develops after an attack. Anger is a healthy and common reaction for a survivor, as long as the anger is not aimed at them. Anger can be a helpful tool for regaining the strength and the courage needed to get back control of their life.

[Theara]

*hugs* have you let her know that it's not her fault you can't help? That's probably all you need to do for her to be gratefull

[bobbiwibble]

yes thanks everyone. i didnt tell her it had happened to me but i am helping her and i think she maybe knows because i know so much about it and have given her so much advice. i dont know, i think maybe it was shock or something because the rape was a violent one same as mine. i dont know why i was angry but im not any more

thanks for the help guys :)

good job in telling her. maybe the two of you will be able to get through this together. *hugs*